Hold Onto Sixteen
by SciFiMom2000
Summary: Why did she see him? What was special about her that linked him to her? All she knew was that whatever had happened, she was the only one to help him. She was his only friend.
1. I'm what?

**Hi everyone, I know, it's me after a really long hiatus. Trust me, I had a good reason to not write for over six months. To say I lost my muse would be an understatement. More like it was crushed, killed and buried, but now, slowly it is coming back. If you read my other stories, they will get finished, when I don't know. Romance right now is rather difficult for me, but they will be done, that I promise. **

**This is my first fic in over six months, one that I am even comfortable enough to publish. I have to give thanks to peyton4life, mida212, blamesmellycat and gleekkylc for helping me get my muse back and just being there for me in general. They are awesome ladies.**

**As you all know, Glee is not mine. It's just something l like to play with.**

Finn sat there in the back of the auditorium; no one bothered him or even looked at him. Everyone's eyes were focused on the front at the podium on the stage, were Figgins stood there solemnly. He listened to the all too familiar tap into the microphone, making the already quiet crowd even silent. Finn had to admit he was curious as to why all the teachers ushered the students to the auditorium instead of first period today, and all the students had been nervously talking and whispering this morning too.

So he sat there, curious and bored in the chair waiting for whatever announcement was to come, as Miss Pillsbury came up on stage with three other people that he didn't recognize. He was pretty sure they didn't work at McKinley, and Miss P's eyes were bloodshot and puffy like she had been crying. Why would she have been crying? Why did she think it was okay to come out in front of everyone like that? Wasn't she supposed to be like calm and unemotional for everyone? Finn sat up and leaned forward as Figgins started talking about 'a tragedy' and 'no one knows how long they have.' Finn tried to follow along, but only parts of the speech reached him, and from what he heard, it sounded like someone had died, but who? Kurt hadn't burst through his room over the weekend with all the gossip on some tragedy. Puck hadn't called to want to have a beer in the person's honor (not like Puck didn't need an excuse for to have a beer or a shot). Finn scratched his head and leaned even closer, straining to hear Figgins because the sound system was really sucking in the auditorium.

Finally, near the end, it was like the sound system fixed itself and turned the volume up, because Finn heard what Figgins said next, loud and clear, "The showing and funeral of our quarterback, number five, Finn Christopher Hudson will be Tuesday morning at St. Jude's."

Finn fell back into his chair, dumbstruck. He was dead.

Finn stood inside the sanctuary and stared at his casket that sat at the base of the altar, closed. Why did he have a closed casket? What happened to him? Finn tried to remember what had happened, but the only thing he remembered was high fiving Puck at the end of school and telling him he'd see him in a couple of hours in the stadium locker room. That was it. He couldn't remember anything else, no matter how hard he tried.

He watched as students passed down the aisle and gave condolences to his mom, who was sitting in a chair, crying constantly, Puck standing to her side with a hand on her shoulder and her boyfriend Burt standing on the other, in the same position. Finn could feel himself want to cry, he wanted to cry, his face scrunched up, a tightness in his chest, but no tears came to relieve that feeling. He moved down the aisle, closer to his mom, but still keeping his distance, afraid to get too close.

Afraid to spook her.

He watched as his girlfriend, Quinn Fabray and her mother come down and offered their condolences, but no support. There was no, "What can we do for you? We will help you in any way we can?" or any other bullshit like that. It was just a "sorry for your loss" and they walked on, Quinn making a show of standing at his casket, her hand laid on top and a single tear rolling down her cheek. She was still gorgeous and heartbreaking to look at, but in that minute, Finn could see her coldness and calculating nature and shook his head thinking that he was a fool to ever think that she was warm and loving, because a true girlfriend would be bawling her eyes out, not allowing a single tear to not ruin her makeup.

Finn shook his head but continued to watch as the football and basketball team came and surrounded his mom in hugs and sorries, more emotion coming from them then his own girlfriend. Then he saw Kurt come down, his eyes red and puffy, dragging a small girl with him. She was crying too, but Finn didn't recognize her. She had on a simple black dress with a red sash and black flats, her dark brown hair was in a low ponytail. He saw how she had a death grip on Kurt's hand as they walked down the aisle. Finn moved even closer to his mom, because he wanted to hear what Kurt had to say, and because he was curious who the little girl was.

As he came closer he saw Kurt kneel down in front of his mom and place his head in her lap and hug her hard, "I'm so sorry for you Carole, and for us. We were going to be a real family and I was going to have a brother and now this. I'm so, so sorry. You don't deserve this and Finn didn't deserve to die either." Finn let a small smile out as he heard Kurt, but then he frowned, what did he mean they were going to be a family? Then Finn saw the diamond ring on his mom's left hand, and it hit him, Burt had proposed. He was going to have a dad and he had to get killed? That totally sucked.

Then Finn heard Kurt introduce the crying little girl to his mom, "Carole, this is Rachel Berry. She's a friend of mine from glee club." Finn watched in interest as Rachel dabbed at her eyes and took a calming breath before gripping his mom in a tight hug and whispering something in her ear, causing his mom to have a tiny smile and to kiss her cheek. Whatever Rachel Berry had said to his mom had made her a little happy, and his mom didn't even give his own girlfriend a kiss on the cheek. Finn gazed on as Kurt and Rachel walked to his casket, and watched her lay her hand over where his head would have been and said something softly. Finn knew he couldn't hear them, but yet he did, in his head, "I hope that you now have some peace," and felt a slight warm pressure on his forehead.

Finn sat there, stunned as the procession family and friends kept coming down the aisle, to talk to his mom and walk by his casket, but no one touched the casket and touching him like Rachel Berry had. Finally Finn moved towards him mom, who was now sitting in the front pew and sat in the space beside her. He watched the priest come out and bring everyone to order by standing over his casket and making the sign of the cross, which actually felt like he was actually doing it to Finn's forehead.

He didn't like this, he didn't like this at all. The last thing he remembered wass that he was in the parking lot after school on Friday telling Puck he'd see him in a couple of hours for pre-game warm ups, and then nothing.

He can't remember anything.

Obviously he died because his body is in a casket having prayers said over it and his mom is crying and he's sitting next to his mom and no one can see him and he's scared. Like really in truly scared. So he does what he's always done since he was little, he lays his head down in his mom's lap, the only thing missing is her running her fingers through his hair, her nails lightly scrapping his scalp to calm him down, because she doesn't know that he's there, because he's a fuckin' ghost and dead.

Finn stays like that though, through his whole funeral, with his head in him mom's lap, even though she didn't know it, giving him some peace. He watched as Puck, Mike and several of his teammates are his pall bearers and carry his casket towards the hearse waiting outside the church. He watches his mom cling to Burt and the priest as they walk her towards a car. He stands at one of the stained glass windows and watch as the casket is placed in the hearse and then slowly moves away with a trail of cars and trucks behind it, taking his body to its final internment, probably next to his dad.

Finn keeps staring outside as the last car left the parking lot, wondering if he would feel the dirt being thrown on his coffin like he felt the priest do the sign of the cross? What happened to him that he died? He just can't remember no matter how hard he tries. As he's lost in thought, he heard an angelic voice singing, loud and clear filling the narthex.

Finn is drawn to the opening at the front of the church and found the small girl, Rachel Berry, two men and several ladies from the church setting up the family dinner. Finn observed as one of the men came up to Rachel and hugged her shoulders, "You're doing a great job here sweet pea. It was so nice of you to volunteer us to do the food for the dinner, especially since you didn't even know the boy."

Finn saw her give a shy smile, "I know Papa, but he would have been Kurt's brother, since Burt asked Carole to marry him. And you know I'll do anything for Kurt. Do you think we have enough food for the dinner?"

Finn watched the man lean over and kiss Rachel on top of her head, "We have plenty sweetie. We're only feeding family and a few close friends, not the entire school. Any left overs we'll send home with Carole as well as the freezer meals you put together for her. Now just finish setting out the food and then come help put the tablecloths on the tables, okay?"

"Alright Papa. I'm just going to plug in the crock pots and cut the cake and bread," Finn walked over to her once her Papa left and stood across from Rachel. He looked at all the food that was laid out for the dinner, and it was all his favorites. The one thing that drew his eye though was several loaves of banana bread. Finn loved homemade banana bread and if he could, he'd be stealing a couple of slices right now.

As he stood across from Rachel, he watched her move gracefully among the food, getting it ready. He really didn't mean to stare at her, but there was just something about this stranger that pulled him towards her. As he was staring, she looked up suddenly, right at him, and gasped.

Rachel really wasn't looking forward to this day. She had been by Kurt's side since they had found out Friday night about the death of his future step-brother, and she had been helpless in comforting him, his father and Carole Hudson. So all she did was make sure they had whatever they needed and ran errands and just would just hug Kurt while he cried. Her fathers were friends with Carole Hudson, so they were helping her make the arrangements for the funeral since she was distraught and destroyed over the death of her only son. Rachel had gone to Figgins and gotten special permission to miss school Monday so that she could help the family.

She couldn't help but cry when she and Kurt walked down the aisle toward the casket that held Finn Hudson's body. It broke her heart to see Carole Hudson in such pain and sadness over losing her only child. Even though she didn't know Finn Hudson outside of reputation, she knew through Kurt that Finn was extremely close with his mom, and it broke her heart. She never had any relationship with her birth mother and it always bothered her not having that mother/child closeness and now Carole's was severed by the death of Finn.

When she walked up to the casket, she had felt compelled to place her hand on it and whisper her hope that he was at peace. She then sat with Kurt for the rest of the funeral, giving him the comfort of a close friend. The funeral was relatively short but heartfelt. Finn was well liked by friends and adults and loved by his family.

Rachel waited until everyone had left before she started setting up the dinner with the help of her dads and the ladies of the church. She listened as the ladies talked about what shame it was the Finn Hudson had died and wondered aloud what had happened to him for it to be a closed casket. One had even said she had heard even his mother wasn't allowed to view the body. Rachel bristled at the old biddies gossiping about the death of a young man. When her dads left to get more chairs for the tables, Rachel walked up to the head of the gossipers and tapped her on the shoulder, "Excuse me, while I know it's very common to gossip about people, especially when there appears to be a mystery about it, but Finn Hudson died five days ago. His family is in the depths of despair and grief over it. You could have some common moral good and not gossip about him or his untimely death. Now I'm going to go finish the meal I prepared and you can finish up here. Thank you." Rachel twirled around and stalked back towards the food table and started finishing up her preparation. She didn't hear any more talking though, so that was a good thing.

As she finished her preparations, Rachel felt something, a tingling sensation that seemed to cover her entire body. For some reason, Rachel looked up from her cutting to see a pair of deep whiskey colored eyes staring at her, but nothing else. Jumping back, gasping in shock, Rachel called attention to herself as the knife she was using clattered noisily to the floor. "Rachel, honey is everything okay. You look a little ill." Her daddy called out, starting to come over to check on her.

"Ye- Yes daddy. Sorry, I think the emotion of the day is just overwhelming me. You know how emotionally involved I can become with things. I- I'm just going to go to the restroom and splash some water on my face and calm down. I'll be right back." Rachel immediately took off towards the ladies room the eyes she had observed watching her still unnerving her to her core. Pushing open the door and making a beeline for the sink, she turned the cold on full force and bent over the sink splashing water on her face, letting the coldness shock her slightly as she mumbled, "it's just your overactive imagination, it's just your overactive imagination. There were no eyes staring at you. It was just your imagination," her voice wavering in fear over what she had seen. As she stood up and went to look in the mirror to fix herself, she saw him in the mirror, standing directly behind her.

She saw Finn Hudson.

She blinked rapidly trying to clear her vision, but he was still there, just standing in the ladies room, in his red number five jersey over a long sleeved white t-shirt, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans, his hair it's normal messy self, his eyes sad and scared. He wasn't solid though in appearance. It was more like Rachel was looking at his reflection in water, wavy and slightly broken up, the colors muted. She turned around with her eyes closed saying a prayer that when she opened them, he wasn't there, that this was just her incredible imagination projecting the sadness she felt for him.

With her head down, she slowly opened up one eye and spied large black Nikes on the tiled floor and as she raised her head and opened her other eye, the rest of him came into view. Finn Hudson was standing in the ladies room at his church, looking at her like a sad, lost puppy.

And then he spoke.

"You can see me?" it came out more like a question than a statement and all Rachel could do was nod her answer. She didn't trust her voice. "I'm really dead, right?" again all she could do was nod. She watched as he slumped against the tiled wall and slid slowly to the ground, clearly defeated. "I was hoping this was just some nightmare, but I guess it's not. I'm really dead, which means I'm a ghost or something now. Wow."

Rachel wasn't sure why, but she wasn't scared of Finn Hudson, ghost or not. She was shocked sure, who wouldn't be when they see a ghost for the first time, especially in the bathroom, but she wasn't scared. He looked so lost and alone, and in reality, he was. "Are you okay? Wait, that was stupid, of course you're not okay, your dead and so there is no way that you could be okay right now right? I mean I'd be freaking out if I found out I was dead and sat and watched my own funeral…" she covered her mouth at her last statement, the gravity over what just poured out her mouth hit her. Pulling her hand away and looking at his sorrowful face, she dropped down next to him, wanting to touch him, but not, "You watched your own funeral didn't you. Oh my god Finn, how horrible. I'm so so sorry."

Rachel could feel her tears as she watched Finn look at her. He probably thought she was some crazy girl, but she really felt for him. This was absolutely horrible for him. Through her tears she watched as he brought his hand up to her face, like he was trying to wipe away her tears, but all she felt was a soft cool breeze on her cheeks. He couldn't touch her, but of course he couldn't, he was a ghost. She couldn't help a small smile play on her lips at the sweetness he showed her. She was about to ask him if he remembered what had happened to him, but she heard her papa call through the door, "Rachel, sweet pea, are you okay? Everyone should be here soon. Rachel?"

Standing up quickly, but keeping her eyes on Finn, silently hoping he didn't vanish she called out, "I'm coming Papa. Sorry, I think my emotions just got to me. I'll be out in a second."

She looked as Finn stood up, and realized he was a good foot taller than she was, "Are you going to be here, at the dinner, or are you going to go someplace else? Where do ghosts go? Do you sleep…" she stopped when she saw him raise his hand and she realized that she started rambling again because she was so nervous.

She heard his voice, soft and wavering, something she hadn't noticed before, "Yes I'm staying for the dinner. I don't eat because I'm not hungry but all the food smells so good, especially the banana bread, and since it's kinda in my honor, why not? I don't know where ghosts go. I just appear in different places. I don't really have any control over it and I don't know if I sleep because like I said, I just kinda appear. I'm still really new to this whole, 'I'm a ghost thing' ya know. Besides you better get out to the narthex before your papa comes busting in here, he's walking down the hallway towards here and he doesn't look happy."

"How did you…"

"Just go Rachel. I'll be out there." She watched him push out his hands like he was pushing her, but all she felt was a coolness wash over her.

Rachel pushed open the door, almost hitting her papa in the face, but she kept looking back into the bathroom where Finn had just been, but he had vanished. "Sweet pea, I need your help with the drinks. Noah Puckerman called and the gravesite service is over, so we need to get the drinks ready. Come on sweetie, and I'm sorry this has been so hard on you. I know you didn't know Finn very well, but you've been there for both Kurt and Carole and your daddy and I are so proud of you and your heart." Rachel smiled as her papa gave her a big hug, his pride in her surrounding her, making her smile a little, until she saw a pair of whiskey eyes staring at them from the stained glass window.

Rachel grabbed her papa's hand and quickly pulled him down the hall, telling him what they needed to grab for the drinks, trying to get rid of the feeling of Finn's eyes staring at her. She busied herself by making sure the drinks and food were perfect and just in general being busy and keeping her distance from the stained glass windows.

Slowly the family and close friends of Finn Hudson trickled in, taking seats and talking quietly amongst themselves, waiting for the priest, Carole, Burt and Kurt to come. Rachel took it upon herself to be the gracious hostess while everyone waited, no one complaining while Rachel handed out drinks and made polite conversation. Rachel found herself seated with Finn's paternal grandmother, Ruth. When Rachel had handed her an iced tea, Ruth pulled her down into a hug and forced her sweetly to sit with her, claiming she needed company, even though Finn's aunt, uncle and young cousin were at the table with her. "You must be Finn's girlfriend he talked about. You are just too cute for words. No wonder Finn talked about you all the time. So tell me sweetie, what was it about my Finn that brought you two together, huh?" Rachel sat there stunned for a moment, wondering why Finn's grandmother would think that she was Finn's girlfriend. She had never even really talked to Finn before today, and today she talked to his ghost like it was a perfectly normal thing to do. Inwardly facepalming, Rachel knew she was going to have to put her great acting and imagination to the test to make a grandmother happy with her deceased grandson.

As if on cue, Rachel felt a cool breeze on both of her shoulders, and when she closed her eyes, she could picture Finn behind her, his hands resting gently on her shoulders in support. The coolness was her muse for the story she wove for his grandmother, "Well Mrs. Hudson, I met Finn after school one day. I was tutoring in the library and you know how Finn was always running late, well he got detention for tardies in Chemistry. Anyway, he came stumbling into the library and sat down rather noisily, disrupting my tutoring session with a freshman. After I finished the session and was getting ready to leave, Finn walked over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders to stop me from leaving. He had told me that he had heard me tutoring and was wondering if I could help him in Chemistry, since he was having a hard time with it. I of course told him I would, and he told me that it was cool. So I started tutoring him and everything just kind of bloomed from there. He was always funny and very charming but still a gentleman, something I always look for in possible suitors. I'm going to miss him so much." Rachel let a few tears trail down her cheek for effect and felt the coolness increase on her shoulders, like he was squeezing them in approval. Rachel saw Finn's grandmother place her hand on Rachel's shoulder, and she immediately wondered in his grandmother could feel the coolness, but from her lack or response, Rachel guessed she couldn't.

"Well dearie, Finn talked about how smart and beautiful you were. He said you had such a large heart and cared for others, and I can see that you do. I don't know any girlfriend that would sit and put together her boyfriend's family dinner after his funeral, instead of sitting with the family and soaking up the condolences." Rachel stole a quick glance and saw Quinn sitting at the family table, looking rather bored unless one of their classmates came up to talk to her. When Carole, Burt and Kurt finally came in, she totally ignored her boyfriend's mother, and just continued to sit.

"You are so sweet. Finn was right in picking you Rachel. It's just so sad that we won't know what kind of future you two would have had." Rachel saw the distant look of sadness in Ruth Hudson's eyes and Rachel's heart broke. She had lost her only son and now her son's child too.

As she stood to start the dinner, Rachel leaned over and placed a kiss on Ruth Hudson's forehead and whispered, "You're grandson loved you very much Ruth. Always remember that," and walked away with the cool breeze following her as she walked towards the priest, letting him know they were ready to begin.

As the dinner started, Rachel kept an eye on everything as people ate, talked and shared stories of Finn. She would smile when she received a compliment, and a couple of times scowled when Quinn Fabray glared at her from her seat with the family. Rachel knew she would always be a loser to Quinn, but she didn't care. She knew what her future held, and she was going to do whatever she needed to do to achieve it, and no one was going to hold her back from it.

Rachel realized that through the whole dinner, there was a cool breeze always around her, either Finn was following her, or the church had a weird air conditioning system. When the dinner was done and people began to leave, Rachel grabbed some food and sat down at a table and started to eat, her constant cool breeze right next to her. She wanted to say something, but knew she would look crazy talking to the air and she didn't need an even worse reputation.

As she ate she received a goodbye kiss and hug from Grandma Ruth, an "awesome food Berry" from Noah, a hug and sloppy kiss from Finn's little cousin and several more thank you's from others. As she finished and stood up, she was met by Carole Hudson, standing before her, her hazel eyes watery with tears before grabbing Rachel into a life crushing hug that Rachel naturally returned. "Thank you, thank you so much Rachel for doing this for Finn. I know you didn't know Finn, but what you did, when you didn't have to means so much to me, plus you've been there for Kurt through this. I- I just can't thank you enough. You and your fathers have been so gracious and helpful to me through this. Please know you can come over whenever you want, even Kurt isn't, because you are such a sweet girl. Thank you again Rachel," as she felt Carole's wet lips place a soft, motherly kiss on her cheek, and gave her another bone crushing hug before giving Burt and Kurt the same chance.

That evening, Rachel sat on her bed, in her heart nightgown, holding onto her stuffed cat Snuggles, listening to The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, going over everything that had happened to her in such a small amount of time. She had gone to a funeral, met and talked to a ghost, been misidentified as the ghost's girlfriend by his grandmother, was followed around by the ghost, and given such a motherly hug and kiss, Rachel didn't know what to think. It was all just too much, and despite how she appreciated the drama and irony of the day, it still overwhelmed her. This wasn't like the play _Blithe Spirit_, she hadn't called upon Finn Hudson to haunt her; he wasn't trying to upset her life. He was just lonely, scared and confused, and she could totally understand that given the situation he found himself in, and probably needed a friend. The only question was, why was it her? What was it about her that allowed him to show himself and talk to just her. No one else showed indication that they saw or heard Finn at the funeral or dinner. Rachel shook her head and just snuggled down into her bed and hoped that an answer would come miraculously to her while she slept.


	2. Can you tell her I love her?

**I'm shocked by the amount of reviews I received for Chapter 1. I truly hope I don't disappoint with this story. I'm still rather rusty after my hiatus. Thank you. **

Finn walked through the empty hallways, not sure why he was back at McKinley, wasn't he done with school since he was dead? He didn't even know what day it was, since he quickly found out that ghosts didn't really seem to care about time, so it was like they didn't have any internal clock telling them to wake up or go to sleep because they were tired. Finn wished he had that ability when he was alive and into those awesome MW3 marathons with Puck and some of the guys, but no he had to die to get the ability to have no sense of time. He knew it was a weekday since there were students sitting, bored, in the classrooms as he roamed the halls, and the clocks said it was in the middle of fifth period, so he would have been in U.S. History, if he were still alive.

So taking the initiative, something he definitely didn't have while he was alive, Finn went to Mrs. Cox's class and was thankful that she kept her door open. He didn't know if he was able to walk through things yet and he was honestly afraid to try. Whenever he seemed to try things when he was alive, they always ended with him being hurt or really embarrassed and he didn't want that happening to him as a ghost. Finn smiled picturing himself stuck halfway through a door, his legs hanging out one side while his head was on the other. He wondered what Rachel would say if she saw him like that.

Smiling at that thought, he quietly walked into the classroom making sure not to bump into anyone and sat down at his still empty seat, just like he was in class, and looked around. No one looked different really. Their lives were going on while his came to a sudden stop. He really didn't like that feeling that there was no more future for him, while everyone got to look forward to theirs. College, marriage, kids, jobs, growing old, falling in true love, everything he was now going to miss out on, things he had looked forward to before. He felt a white hot heat start to flame through his body, the angrier he got about being stuck as a sixteen year old for all of eternity or whatever the hell he was in, the hotter he got.

Suddenly, Finn heard the fire alarm go off and the fire sprinklers engage, dousing everyone in the room in the nasty black, stinky water that had sat in those pipes for years. Screams swirled around him as everyone ran towards the exit, while trying to cover themselves from the rancid water as they evacuated the school. Through all the commotion, Finn just sat there; mad at his dead end situation. Even though he was pretty sure he wouldn't burn up since he was already dead, Finn got up stalked out the door and through the hallway where a few stragglers were still trying to make their way out, and then came out into the sunlight with the other students.

Finn walked around the students as they mingled along the edge of the parking lot, away from the school, and wondered if any of them knew he was even there, watching them. Suddenly it hit him that he had shown up at school, so something that involved him must be happening, since his first two experiences of him just showing up out of nowhere involved him. But what was at school that whatever was controlling him sent him there? This ghost thing was not easy. It would have been easier if he was like the ghosts in the horror movies and just pissed at the world and went after all their enemies and people that were just mean, but he wasn't in a movie, and he was too nice to be like that.

As he continued to wonder around the sea of students, lost in his thoughts, he found himself, near the school, outside the auditorium entrance, and saw a single figure sitting on one of the benches. His body tingled in recognition of the small figure in a green checked skirt and black sweater, hiding her face with her hair draped over her pretty face. He wasn't sure if she would be able to see him, and he didn't know how to show himself to her, but he could at least sit beside her. Rachel had been so nice to his mom and grandma at his funeral when she didn't have to be, and she had actually worried about how he felt being at his own funeral. So the least he could do was keep her company, whether she knew it or not.

As he sat down beside her, he heard her, "Hello Finn Hudson. What brings you back to McKinley? Shouldn't you be somewhere else now that your funeral is over with?" Finn frowned at how cold Rachel sounded. It was a complete turnaround from how she was at his funeral.

"Hi Rachel. Um, I'm not sure why I'm here at school to tell you the truth. I'm a little confused to be honest." Finn rubbed his neck as he could practically feel the anger come off of her in waves towards him. What had he done? "Rachel, are you pissed at me? Did I do something to you during my funeral? If I did, I promise I'll make it up to you. You're like the only person that can hear and see me and it's really lonely, I think, being a ghost."

He saw her tip her head and peer at him from beneath her bangs. He hoped she could see him, because he wasn't sure if she could or not. He always saw himself, but he didn't know how he appeared to others. "Finn Hudson, on the day of your funeral, I see you. I talk to you. I lie to your grandmother, pretending to be your girlfriend for you, and then you disappear for four weeks. I haven't seen you for a whole month! Do you have any idea as to how confused I was? I conversed with and saw a ghost and then you just disappear. I started to think I was going insane!" Finn heard Rachel's voice start to rise in pitch and volume as she kept talking, getting me distressed.

"Shhhh, shhhhh Rachel" Finn covered her mouth with his hand hoping it would quiet her, and it seemed to work because she stopped talking, "First, I don't think I have a lot of control over this being a ghost thing. I don't know where I was for a month. Hell, I didn't know I was gone for a month! Shit, for me, my funeral was like yesterday and now I find out it was a month ago! I'm just a little freaked out here Rach." Finn ran his hands through his hair nervously; trying to understand everything Rachel was telling him as well as keeping her calm. He finally just took one of those calming breaths Coach taught him to do before an important play. If he stayed calm, then Rachel would stay calm and wouldn't draw attention to the two of them. Taking a deep breath and making sure his voice was low and calm, he looked at the pretty brunette and smiled, "I'm also like really, really thankful that you did all of that for me at my funeral, especially making my Grandma Ruth happy like that thinking I was with a nice girl. You helped my family when they needed it, and I'm like really grateful." Finn couldn't hide his smile as he talked to her, glad she had a reason to be pissed at him, even though he wasn't in control of it. Then it dawned on him that he had been gone for a month, a frown forming on his lips, "If it's really been a month since the funeral, how's my mom doing? Is she okay? Is Burt taking care of her? I saw that Burt asked her to marry him."

Finn rolled his eyes at Rachel's dramatic gasp, even though he didn't know her well, he was familiar with the gasp, experiencing it with Kurt all the time, "How did you know she was engaged?"

"I saw the ring on her finger at the funeral. I'm not the smartest guy around but I do know what an engagement ring on a left ring finger looks like and means. Give me a little credit. Plus, she's my mom." Finn could feel the tightness again in his chest signaling his want to cry, but knew he wouldn't be able to.

"Well, Kurt and Burt have been so supportive and loving with her. They're very sweet and endearing. Um, the hospital gave your mom a two month leave of absence to help her deal with your death. Kurt says she goes and sees a counselor three times a week." Finn watched Rachel carefully while she spoke, paying close attention to her deep brown eyes. He watched her tuck some hair behind her ears and wished he was able to do that for her. "I go over for your family dinners now. You're mom asked Kurt to invite me to come. I- I'm not trying to take your place or anything; I just think your mom likes me there for some reason. I know she hasn't asked Quinn though, even though Quinn was your girlfriend." Finn watched Rachel look down at the ground, embarrassed. In the background, Finn heard the wails of fire sirens coming from the engines flying into the parking lot. The sound brought both of their attentions to the far side of the parking lot, where all the students were gathered by the faculty.

"Finn, I really need to get over to the teachers. They have to check on all students and I'm sure Mr. Schue is going insane trying to figure out where I am, since I told him I was going to the library, but went to the auditorium instead." Finn watched a blush of embarrassment color her cheeks at being caught not doing the right thing. She quickly tried to explain herself to him, even though it didn't bother him that she had lied to a teacher, "I just needed to sing, get out some of my emotions before I snapped, between classes, glee, Kurt and your mom, and just not knowing where you were, I've been pretty high strung and ready to snap. I was in the middle of singing Defying Gravity when the alarm went off, and I came out here. I really need to head over to Mr. Schue now. Are you coming?" He stared at her, because she was asking him to come with her, even though he couldn't be seen by anyone but her.

"Why do I need to come with you? It's not like I'm apart of anyone's head count anymore." Finn sarcastically chuckled as he stood up and went to reach for Rachel's books, but remembered, he couldn't pick them up.

"I know, but you can keep me company. I know when you are near me, or when you touch me." He couldn't help but smile at the coy smile that played on her lips as she started walking towards the glob of students standing at the perimeter of the parking lot.

"How, besides seeing me, and you can't always see me, remember?"

"You're cool. When you touch me I mean, that part of my body becomes cool, and when you're walking and standing by me, there's a cool breeze. I had that cool breeze follow me through your dinner after the funeral, and you put your hands on my shoulders when I talked to your Grandma Ruth. My shoulders were cool while I talked to her." Finn's mouth dropped open at that revelation, and snapped it shut at Rachel's giggle as she came up to Mr. Schue announcing her arrival.

"Rachel, where in the hell have you been? You know I had security searching for you?" Finn heard the worried fury in his former Spanish teacher's voice as he watched the man squeeze Rachel in a life embracing hug.

"I'm sorry Mr. Schue. I real-"

Finn was shocked at how Mr. Schue just cut Rachel off, "Were you in the auditorium Rachel? I need to know." That wasn't like him at all.

"Um, yes sir. I'm sorry. I won't ever do that again, I promise." Finn watched as the teacher kept hugging Rachel and sent another student somewhere. Finn could "see" the student getting the paramedics and having them follow. Finn moved to Rachel's side as he saw the paramedics come into his normal vision. Something obviously wasn't right.

He watched as Mr. Schue leaned down to look at Rachel in the eyes, and talk to her like a small child, "Rachel, I need you to get checked out by the paramedics. After the fire alarm went off, administration did their normal all clear check and a gas leak was found in the auditorium from the boiler system underneath it. We have to make sure that you're okay. You're lucky though, that alarm going off might have just saved your life; because you were gone long enough it could have truly hurt you. So I want you to follow the paramedics and do whatever they say. I'm going to call Miss Pillsbury to meet you at the ambulance." Finn watched as Mr. Schue turned away and pulled out his phone while the paramedic grabbed Rachel by the elbow and started guiding her away from him. When he tried to follow, his feet wouldn't move. They were planted in that spot, and no matter how much he tried, they wouldn't budge, leaving Finn alone and helpless again.

Rachel paced back and forth in the small space that was Finn Hudson's bedroom. How could someone so big have a room that was small, even for her? It was Friday and that meant family dinner night at for the Hudson/Hummel house, and she had now somehow become a part of it. She didn't know why she was so nervous and anxious tonight, but she was. It had been two weeks since she last saw Finn, and he again just disappeared making her question her sanity, but she was pretty sure that it wasn't like he didn't want to be there.

When the paramedics had guided her away from Mr. Schue and Finn, she had looked back to see him struggling to move towards her, but it was like he was cemented to the ground. She watched as he struggled and reached out to her, almost desperately trying to touch her, wanting some type of touch, but he couldn't. The last thing she saw of the tall quarterback before she was guided into the back of the ambulance was his face scrunched up in confusion and loneliness.

She had actually cried at how he looked when the doors were closed on her, separating her from him. The paramedics took it as if she were scared what had happened to her and worked on comforting, when in reality, her heart ached for the tall, sweet innocent boy that was once again alone in a world and life he didn't understand.

She seemed to be the only one he had.

It had shocked her to learn that he hadn't seen his mother yet, but it seemed like he didn't have a lot of control over what he did or where and when he appeared. Something was controlling him, but he didn't know what, and she honestly had no idea.

After pacing for a good ten minutes, Rachel finally just lay down on Finn's bed and waited until she was called down for dinner. She was supposed to be with Kurt in his room, but he was on the phone with Blaine, and there was only so much sappy sweet talking even she could take before she went Santana on him, so she just snuck out and into Finn's room. When she had entered, it smelled stale, like it had been closed up for two months, which it had been. She wasn't sure why, but she snuggled into his pillow and his smell still permeated the fabric. As a ghost, he didn't have a scent, and now she could relate a smell to him whenever she saw him, which would be nice. As she squeezed the pillow to her, she looked around his room with the boyish cowboy wallpaper and the different bands and sports posters adorning the wall, Rachel could picture Finn living in this room. As she lay there, listening to Kurt's muffled banter through the wall, she felt a cool breeze over her.

He was here. He was back.

She hoped she was right and it wasn't the air conditioning, and as she opened her eyes, she couldn't hide her smile to see the six three quarterback standing there, gazing down at her with a look in his whiskey eyes that she couldn't place, a small half smile on his lips. "Hi Rach. Should I ask what you are doing in my room and why I'm here?"

All she could do was shake her head, she had tried to figure out why he popped up at random times. It made perfect sense why he was at his own funeral, but it didn't make sense why he had shown up at school. "I can explain. Kurt is talking with Blaine on the phone, and those two or even a little too sugary sweet in their relationship, and that's coming from me, someone who once made her boyfriend matching cat calendars. I just couldn't take it, so I came in here for some peace and quiet. No one knows I'm in here. Your mom has kinda kept this room closed up, except for her coming in and laying down."

"My mom comes in here and lies down, like you are?" Rachel felt tears start up as she heard the pain in his voice. She didn't trust her voice so she just nodded. "Wh- What about you, why did you come in here besides getting away from Kurt? Why didn't you go downstairs and help my mom cook or something?"

"Well, I really don't know you Finn. I mean I know your reputation and things from Kurt, but I don't truly know you, and you never seem to be around long enough for me to get to know you. I thought I might get to know you better if I sat in your room for a bit and just observed and take in your essence."

"My essence? You mean like what the chick in Lost Girl sucks out of people?"

"Yes, your essence. And I have no idea what or who Lost Girl is, but your essence is kind of your spirit, your personality, what makes you, you. And from your room, you are exactly what you look like, an All-American boy next door, you like sports, bands, video games and keeping your room messy. I bet if I snuck my hand under your mattress, I'd find some Playboy magazines since you don't have pin ups on the wall."

Rachel couldn't help but smile when she saw Finn turn bright red, in a pale sort of way, at the mention of Playboys. She couldn't hold in her laugh when she heard Finn mumble, "I hope Kurt got them out before mom got in here." She watched as he took a seat at the bottom of the bed as she continued to hug his pillow. It was disconcerting though that the bed didn't dip when he sat down. "So besides me being who you thought I was what else have you discovered about me?" She watched him look at her in interest. She realized Finn honestly wanted to know what she thought.

That made her suddenly nervous, no one ever wanted to know what she thought, so she buried her head into his pillow and breathed in his scent again, "Well, I know that you loved your mother, because of all the pictures you have around the room of the two of you since you were a baby. And might I add you were an adorable baby. Um, you seem to really be into music, not just from the posters and your CD's, but also from that drum practice pad you have on the desk. It's well-worn as well as the drumsticks. You played drums?"

She watched Finn nod his head and glance longingly at the drum pad and sticks. She felt bad since he couldn't pick anything up. "Well, that and now I know what you smell like?" Rachel gasped when she saw Finn look at her like she was nuts. Did she really just tell him she knew what he smelled like? "Um well, I mean a person's sense of smell helps people relate and induce memories and I now I can relate to you a little better since I know what you smelled like when you were alive. That sounded really creepy didn't it?" Rachel watched Finn smile at her.

"It didn't sound creepy at all, especially since you're trying to get to know a dead man. So what do I smell like? Quinn always said I smelled like I'd been out in the heat mowing, even right after I took a shower." Rachel saw his brows crease in remembrance, and she had to fight the urge to reach out and touch him, to soothe him.

"Well you do smell outdoorsy, in a really good way. I don't know it's just like a really fresh clean scent. Too me it's fresh cut grass and clean rain and new leather and just boy. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's just a very masculine, earthy smell. It's rather a sexy, alluring smell if you ask me." Rachel looked up after describe his smell as her nose was buried in his pillow, and saw Finn with a perplexing look on his face.

Just as she was about ask him what he was thinking, they both heard Carole Hudson's voice come upstairs, "Kurt? Rachel? Dinner is ready. Come on you two! And Kurt, tell Blaine I said hello too." Rachel got up and walked to the door and turned to ask Finn if he was coming, when she froze at the look of pure anxiety that filled Finn's face. She knew he was scared to see his mom.

"Come on Finn. I'll be right there next to you through the dinner, or I should say, you'll be right next to me. I'll help you get through this Finn, I promise." She just naturally reached out to touch them, but then realized they couldn't touch and let her arm drop and kept the door open so he could follow.

Rachel sat down in her normal spot at the table, across from Kurt and to the right of Carole, and directly in her view was Finn sitting at the extra chair that sat against the wall, directly behind Kurt. As they all started eating the vegetarian meal that Carole had fixed for Rachel, it was silent except for the clinking of silverware against porcelain. She kept sneaking glances behind Kurt and watched as Finn's face screwed up in sadness. His eyes were totally fixed on his mom, his gaze never wavering as she watched him cry without tears. Her heart broke seeing him like that, but there was nothing she could do right now, not during the dinner. She kept blinking back tears that she knew were there. She wouldn't cry in front of Carole, she couldn't. She knew that would cause Carole to start to cry and then Kurt and then poor Burt would be stuck trying to comfort all of them.

Luckily, Burt brought the attention to himself when he started talking about the gas leak at school. Pointing his fork at both herself and Kurt, Burt stated, "You both were really lucky there was that malfunction in Mrs. Cox's room and set off the fire alarm and sprinklers. If it hadn't, Rachel could have died of from carbon monoxide poisoning or from the gas blowing up from a spark. It was a really bad leak according to Smitty down at the gas company. What's really funny though is even though it had to be a malfunction in the alarm system, Tom Warner, remember him Carole, the guy I bowled with last year? Anyway, when they ran a systems check on the alarm system to figure out why it malfunctioned, it didn't show a malfunction; it showed that there was a sudden spike in the temperature and heat in Mrs. Cox's room causing the alarm to go off. Funny thing is, Figgins questioned Cox and all the kids in the class, and no one saw anything hot in the room to set it off. It's really weird, but lucky. Who knows what would have happened if that alarm hadn't gone off, evacuating the school."

Rachel sat there stunned for a moment, her face reflecting Finn's equally stunned one as Carole's quiet voice filled the dining room, "I- I don't know what I would have done if I had lost both of you Kurt and Rachel, especially so- so soon after my ba- baby boy. Excuse me." Rachel watched helplessly as Carole got up and ran from the room, emotion overtaking the fragile woman. Rachel felt a cool breeze fly past her as Finn ran after his mother.

She knew he was going to try to contact his mom, her heart told her and she had to be the one to convey it to Carole. Getting up quickly to follow Carole up the stairs, she heard Kurt comment after some awkward silence, "Hey Dad, I think you need to check the heater, it was chilly in here all through dinner." Rachel walked up the stairs and saw Finn's door wide open, and she knew what she would see, before she even entered. As she stood in the door, she saw Carole clutching onto a small baby blanket that had seen better days, tears racking her body, making Rachel's heart hurt. She saw Finn, kneeling next to the bed, his hands stroking his mother's hair. When his hand accidently touched her neck, Rachel saw Carole shiver from the coolness of his touch.

She saw Finn look up at her, his eyes so sad and lost. Giving him a brief understanding smile, she sat opposite of Finn and gently rubbed Carole's back, trying to comfort the distraught mom. She looked at Finn and as his voice wavered, "Tell her Rachel, please, tell her that I love her and miss her every day. Tell her she did a good job raising me. Tell her my heart hurts because hers does. Tell her that her baby boy will always be with her. Please tell her that Rachel. Please." She looked directly in his eyes and saw him plead with her to tell his mom what he had said, but she knew she couldn't or at least the way he had said it.

Summoning all the times that her papa had talked to her when she was upset, Rachel channeled him as she talked to Carole, "Carole, I know I'm just a teenager, and I don't know what it is like to lose your child. The only thing I've ever lost was my cat Mr. Buttons, and even though it doesn't compare, I always knew that I had made Mr. Buttons happy and that he still loved me even though he wasn't with me anymore, and that I still loved him. You just have to know that Finn loves you, even though he isn't with you anymore. That love will never die. He will always, always be with you. Don't let this grief consume you. If it does then you're going to forget the love the two of you had, and I'm sure wherever Finn is, he still needs your love, and he will always, always be with you, no matter what." Rachel hadn't realized that she was squeezing Carole's hand tightly. She felt coolness on her hand, and looking, she saw the large hand and long fingers of Finn's covering her and his mother's hand with his. A quick glance showed that he was grateful for what she said, and as Carole sat up, wiping her eyes with a tissue, Finn retreated to the wall.

Rachel was enveloped into a hug, a motherly hug that she melted into. "Thank you Rachel. Thank you so much. You are so wise for such a young girl. Thank you sweetheart." Rachel felt Carole kiss her forehead before standing up and leaving.

After that encounter, Rachel couldn't stay in the Hudson/Hummel house anymore that night. She was drained and just wanted to go home, slip on her purple and silver star flannels and snuggle with Snuggles her stuffed cat and just relax. After giving her goodbyes, Rachel started walking towards her house slowly. She again felt a cool breeze next to her and knew it wasn't the fall night air. She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and just stared at Finn; her emotions frayed and on edge and she just didn't want to deal with him, so she took it out on him.

"WHAT? What do you want Finn? I told your mom what you wanted. I've done all kind of things for you! Every time you're around me I either become physically or emotionally drained! What do you want from me? Huh, what do you want from me?" She knew she was in breakdown mode, but she didn't care, and right now seeing the tall boy standing in front of her was just too much. Not caring if he was a ghost or not, she put her arms out and pushed, but instead of going right through him, like she expected, she was touching a very cool, but very solid Finn Hudson.


	3. I Am In Misery

Finn stood on the darkened sidewalk in total shock, because instead of Rachel pushing right through him, like he had expected, but instead she was stopped by him being truly there. Like really, solidly there. He could even make out his shadow from the porch lamps that illuminated the sidewalk. In the sudden nanosecond it took for them to connect, they both jumped back just as quickly and Finn went back to that wavy, transparent like state he had gotten used to seeing. But it still unnerved him, and from the shock on Rachel's face, it did her too. Her eyes were wide with disbelief, her mouth opened in amazement and he could almost feel her shaking in fear.

The shock of what had just happened caused her to start to walk backwards, her hands covering her mouth trying to keep her scream in, and Finn watched as her small heel caught on the pavement and she started falling backwards. He instinctually reached out to grab onto her to keep her from falling, but his hands did nothing but grab nothingness as Finn watched in horror as she fell onto her as, hard. "Rachel! Rachel are you okay? Please tell me you're okay. Rachel talk to me, please. Say something." Finn couldn't keep the worry for her out of his voice.

He fell to his knees besides her, his hands running over her body, checking for cuts and bruises. He may have been a ghost, but he did still have the sense of touch, even though things felt slightly different to him now. Everything was much warmer than normal, so taking someone's temperature was off limits now, but he could still feel if things were soft, hard, rough, smooth and so on and right now he was feeling for broken bones and scraped skin.

When he touched her cheek, she turned her emotional brown eyes on him, a look glinting from them that he couldn't read, but then he was never able to read girls. Then she opened her mouth, it literally knocked him on his ass, "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? YOU WERE REAL FOR A SECOND! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SUCH A FUCKING FREAK?" Finn was momentarily shocked because, one Rachel Berry just cussed up a storm, something he was sure she never did, two she was yelling at him, on a sidewalk and he was a ghost, but to passer-by she was yelling at thin air and three she was pissed as hell and he didn't know how to calm her down.

Finn tried putting his hand over her mouth, but that didn't work because his transparent hand didn't muffle her voice and she just kept yelling stuff he didn't understand and he was pretty sure the neighbors were going to start looking out their windows at the crazy girl, so Finn did what he used to do with Quinn when they first dated and she started to rant, he leaned over and kissed her.

It wasn't a hot open mouth kiss, he didn't think it was possible for a ghost to do that, but he let his lips brush over hers, his mouth slightly open and something worked because her mouth opened slightly and he could feel her warm breath on him. Her lips were so soft and warm, for a second Finn forgot he was a ghost and cupped her cheek and tried to lean more into the kiss, to only literally fall over as he suddenly passed right through her and fell flat on his stomach.

That was new.

Finn scrambled up when he realized he was literally lying through Rachel's body. He stood there and looked down at a very confused Rachel Berry as her fingers kept rubbing her lips. What did she feel when he kissed her? He knew she felt coolness when he touched her, but could she actually feel his lips on hers? Expecting to be yelled at again, Finn crouched down again and looked directly in the eye, "Rachel?"

"You kissed me." Leave it to Rachel Berry to state the obvious and make him very nervous from that simple statement.

Rubbing his neck nervously, Finn wasn't sure how to respond; yea he kissed her to shut her up, but there seemed to be something about that kiss that was just wow, even to a dead man. "Yea well, you were yelling at me, and you wouldn't stop even when I covered your mouth with my hand, so I did what I used to do with Quinn. I kissed you." Finn didn't realize how fast Rachel could move, but her hand snaked out and slapped him across the face, and he solidified for the brief second her hand came into contact with his cheek, the sting creating what felt like electricity shooting through him. He just knelt there as Rachel pushed herself up and glared at him as she stalked down the sidewalk, her speed indicating she wanted to get far away from him as quickly as possible, and when he went to take a step to follow, his feet were again stuck.

Whomever or whatever was controlling his afterlife, figured he was finished for the evening, even though Finn knew he wasn't. He wanted to follow Rachel and explain himself and talk about him becoming solid and the kiss and if she felt the electricity too, but it obviously wasn't in his cards for the night as he was stuck in place. Frustration coursed through him as Finn let out an animalistic scream at the top of lungs, releasing his frustration and confusion the only way he could at that moment, hoping that his "puppet master" would get the hint, and if any living person was nearby when Finn screamed, they would have heard a low, menacing growl from a hidden animal.

Finn just sat there on a bench at the mall of all places. He was haunting the fuckin' mall of all places, his least favorite place in the world when he was alive, and now he was sitting on one of the benches with all the old men watching people walk by. Why in the hell was he at the mall? What day was it? How long had it been since he kissed Rachel and she turned him into a solid ghost? How pissed was she going to be this time? Finn gingerly rubbed his cheek absently, still feeling the sting and her pure anger on his cheek. It was like it was never going to go away. A deep sigh left his lips as he just sat there and people watched. He watched an old man sniff the air suspiciously. Did his sigh sound like a fart? If it did that was fucking cool and really funny, and he was so going to sigh around Puck at some point. He figured Puck would appreciate a good ghost joke, but that still didn't explain why Finn found himself at the mall, the land of teenage angst and old people's social club.

So he sat there, watching lovey dovey teens hold hands and steal kisses as they walked, which Finn actually longed for. The kiss he placed on Rachel that night stayed with him, the memory of her soft lips still lingered on his, even though he knew time had elapsed, he just didn't know how much. It meant something if he still could feel her lips on his, didn't it? That's when Finn saw Rachel walking arm in arm with some curly haired kids with blue eyes and a smarmy smirk on his lips. He immediately didn't like the guy. As he stood up, Finn moved his foot to test if he was going to be allowed to move or not, and was happy to find his movement wasn't restricted, so he jogged after Rachel and her not much taller partner.

As Finn got closer to the back of the couple, he saw Rachel's back stiffen suddenly, turn her head and glare at him, anger emoting from her deep brown eyes. Finn stopped in his tracks realizing that she was super pissed at him still. With a shake of his head, he just knew he needed to follow Rachel whether she wanted him to or not.

Besides, what could she do to him? Oh yeah, touch him and beat the crap out of him with her ninja strength. Weighing the options in his head, Finn marched on, following the couple, because what could the worst thing happen to him, he was already dead.

Finn fell back a few paces to keep his coolness away from Rachel as he followed them to the other end of the mall and watched as they entered the brightly lit, overstuffed store known as Claire's. To Finn it was the land of pre-teen squealing girls. He had gone into the store once with Quinn and had a twelve year old grab his ass, so he ran out and refused to ever go back again. The little girl with acne and braces had actually squeezed his ass. He remembered all he did was straighten up even more, look behind him to see her hand on his back pocket and a brace face leer aimed at him and he just took off out of the store, pissing Quinn off.

"I'm a ghost; no little girls can see me. I'm a ghost, no one can see me. I'm a ghost, my ass is safe." Finn kept chanting as he psyched himself up to enter the store to follow Rachel and curly hair. Even though Finn had fallen through Rachel after he had kissed her, he wasn't totally sure if he could just go through things. Maybe it was a total fluke like him being solid when she touched him? Not wanting to find out, Finn made sure to stay out of the way of people and things as he walked through the crowded store.

"I'm cold." "Why's the air conditioner on in November?" "It's awfully chilly in here," were some of the phrases he heard as he kept a look out for Rachel and her friend. Then he saw them towards the back corner, Rachel was trying on different headbands, and curly hair was trying on scarves, both of them talking and smiling at each other. Finn didn't have to worry about being stealthy, but he couldn't hide how he affected the temperature, and when he was close enough, he saw Rachel turn towards him and mouth, "get away from me."

"Why?" Finn shrugged, not having to hide his talking since no one but Rachel could hear him, or at least he sure hoped not.

He watched Rachel turn to curly hair and hand him her headbands, "Jesse, I need to run to the restroom. Um, sudden female issues if you understand. Can you hold onto these for me? I just need to take care of this condition and I'll be right back, okay?" Finn watched as Rachel placed a kiss on this Jesse kid's cheek and starting walking out of the store, and Finn followed like a puppy about to get punished.

He followed her until they reached one of the long, empty hallways that held the unused bathrooms and security offices. Luckily Rachel didn't actually go into the restroom, but turned around and stopped Finn in his steps; the anger and hurt in her eyes were palpable.

Finn listened as she talked in a harsh whisper, so different then how they had talked before, even when she was pissed at him, "Why are you here Finn? What possible reason do you have to be at the mall of all places? Are you following me? You're haunting me, aren't you? Just let me have a normal life, I'll give your mom messages from you and stuff, but that's it. You are just too unpredictable. You're here one moment and then gone for like four weeks and then just show up again. Its nuts. Crazy. Driving me looney. Can you just leave me alone Finn? Please just leave me alone." Finn was stunned. He watched tears start to fall down Rachel's soft cheeks and a heat surged through him. He had made Rachel so upset; she wanted nothing to do with him.

She just needed to understand though.

As he went to rub her cheek, he watched her visibly shrink from his hand. Withdrawing it and letting it fall to his side, Finn spoke softly and full of remorse for something he couldn't control, "I'm so sorry Rach. I don't have control over any of this." Finn motioned between the two of them, because he didn't. It was like a chess master just deciding to place him in a situation when they felt like he was needed, he was a pawn. "If it were up to me, I'd be around all the time or not at all, this coming in and out has really screwed me up because I don't realize how much time has gone on, and I know, I know that it must really screw you up because I'm like a jack in the box, you know I'm there, but just don't know when I'm going to pop up, and neither do I." Finn leaned against the wall and hoped he didn't fall through, because he seriously needed the support. "Listen, you have every right to be pissed at this situation, but please don't be pissed at me. I don't have any control over this. I wish I did. Hell, I'm sorry you ever got involved in this craziness, but someone picked you to see and hear me. To me that makes you special, and if you don't want me around because I'm driving your life crazy, then I'll do my best to leave you alone. It's not worth you hurting so much because of something that is beyond your control. I'm, I'm sorry for all of this." Finn pushed himself off of the wall and started to walk back down the hall. He meant it; he would stay away from Rachel if that's truly what she needed. It wasn't like she asked for any of this craziness, and if he could relieve her of some of it, then he would.

As he started down the hall, he felt a small warm hand on his arm, and he didn't feel like air anymore, but felt solid. He looked down and saw a small hand gripping his elbow, essentially stopping him in his tracks again and a sweet, confused face looking at his. "Finn. I'm sorry. I know this being a ghost is hard on you, and I'm again being selfish only thinking of me, but it's hard on me too. Everyday I'm wondering if I'm going to see you or what's going to happen. Fortunately or unfortunately I am always involved with what happens with you and it keeps me on edge. I'm always looking around the corner thinking that you are going to be there, but you aren't, generally. Why was I chosen to see you? I barely knew you outside of your reputation for the most part, but I am the only one that can see, hear or talk to you? That's really crazy."

Finn physically gulped, because through her rambling Finn realized what issues his death had caused Rachel, and she had turned him solid again. He wasn't sure if Rachel realized he was solid, but he sure as hell did. This was the third time it had happened and each time was when Rachel touched him. Was she a witch or something and that's why this was happening?

Finn kept looking down at where Rachel's hand touched his elbow and the warmth that radiated from that connection out through his body. "I turned you solid again, didn't I? Why can I do that? It doesn't make sense."

Finn couldn't hold back his smirk as he looked down at Rachel, questions and curiosity obvious in her eyes, which was a hell of a lot better than the anger from before. "Does anything about this make sense Rachel? Like really, you can see and talk to a dead person. Me. For some reason I can touch you all I want, but I stay a ghost, but the second you touch me, I'm solid as a rock."

"I wish it did make sense Finn, because it would make my life so much easier, but right now it is what it is. I understand that you can't control what happens to you. You don't control when and where you show up. You really don't do any of this on purpose. For some reason I've been chosen to be your connection to the living world, even though neither of us knew each other. And for whatever it's worth, I will do my absolute best to help you, but you just have to understand, while you are being a ghost is hard to understand, try being a living person dealing with said ghost. Besides being overly confident and resolute that I am better than most of the Neanderthals of McKinley, I've now become paranoid expecting you to pop up anywhere, and if you ever pop up in the woman's restroom, perform an exorcist on you." Finn watched as Rachel scrunched up her nose in thought, and then relaxed and stuck out her hand to him, but not touching him.

"Well, how about this, I Rachel Barbra Berry, promise to help you, Finn Hudson as much as I humanly can, without judgment or anger since your life has been completely annihilated and you are starting over from scratch. I will be sincere, quiet and attentive to your needs as a ghost. Agree?" Finn smirked and grabbed Rachel's small hand firmly to shake and watched a shiver run over her entire body.

"Sorry about that. So what about the rest of your day? Want to hang out with a ghost at the mall?" Finn lifted his eyebrows in question, hoping she would say yes.

"I'm sorry, but I can't Finn. I left Jesse at Claire's over a half hour ago and he's probably going to send security looking for me, so I really need to go, but I promise that I will be my pleasant, understanding self, the next time I see you." With that Finn watched Rachel literally skip down the hall towards the concourse doors. When she reached them, she turned and gave him a cheeky smile and blew him a kiss before disappearing through the doors.

Finn sat there for a few minutes, shocked at the change in Rachel's demeanor, but he understood her anger but was relieved she was in a better mood. If he was in her shoes, he knows he sure as hell would be furious over constantly being left high and dry, but Finn knew he wasn't in control of that, so with a shrug, he pulled himself off the wall and headed toward the concourse.

The busy movement and noise of the concourse was a huge difference from the quiet back hall he had just been in, and it took him a minute to adjust. He was rather shocked that he wasn't cemented when Rachel left, like he had been after every time he had dealt with her. It was a good omen, and an even better one was the smell of sugar/cinnamon pretzels from Auntie Anne's. Walking over, Finn stood and watched as the warm pretzels came out, taking a deep whiff and rolling his eyes back in pleasure. It really sucked that he wasn't hungry anymore and didn't eat, because the pretzels smelled delicious. As he stood there and just watched the workers, he heard her voice order a pretzel and three drinks.

There she stood, Quinn Fabray in all her Cheerio glory. Behind her were Santana and Brittany giggling and taking their drinks Quinn had ordered. Curiosity about how his girlfriend was dealing with his death, Finn decided to tail her. Since no one could see him and he was just so tired of being so damn serious or sad, Finn decided to act like those goofy detectives in comedy movies and started hiding behind counters and rolling around corners and just all sorts of silliness as he trailed the unholy trinity as they shared a pretzel.

As the trinity got near the exit, Finn pressed himself against the vending machine and watched the three girls separate. Not really caring what Santana and Brittany did, he kept his eyes on Quinn as she walked out the door and then three minutes later walked right back, almost running towards the food court. Why would she be running to the food court? Did she forget something? Finn stopped his silliness and jogged to stay up with Quinn. As he got closer to her, he watched her enter the employee entrance of Luca's Pizza. Quinn didn't work? Why'd she go into the back of the pizza place?

Finn waited as the door swung open and he slid in and looked around only to hear a moan that used to be all too familiar with. Following the moan, he saw Quinn and his friend Sam Evans making out against the baker's table covered in breadsticks waiting for the oven. Finn's eyebrows rose in surprise that Quinn had moved on so quickly, but it was what Sam said when he pulled away that shocked Finn, "Baby, when can we finally come out in the open about us. I mean it's hot as hell to be sneaking around, but we've been doing this for six months now. When Hudson was alive it was a little harder, but he was so clueless he didn't see it, but he's gone baby. Let's come out to the world, please?" Finn watched as Sam used his huge lips to trail kisses down Quinn's neck. Finn felt a white hot heat start to take him over again, one that consumed him, but it's what Quinn said next that sent that heat out into the environment.

"Sam, I'm still the widowed girlfriend. I'm milking all the sympathy for what it's worth. All I have to do is mention Finn and have a tear trickle down my face and the teachers do what I want. Besides, I can use Finn's death for publicity for Winter Court and even Prom Court. I'll be shoe in. The only thing that would make it better is if I was invited over to have dinner with Kurt and his parents, but they keep having Man Hands over instead. I think Finn's mom is as clueless as he was." That last statement sent all the energy that had built up in body, shooting out into the room. He watched as the breadsticks literally floated up and started pelting the two teens and the fire in the oven flame out into the open, burning the outer bricks.

Finn went to turn and leave, but his feet were cemented, and all he could do was see the mess that happened in the back of Luca's Pizza.

Rachel walked along the sidewalk on the abnormally warm November afternoon, arms linked with Kurt and Mercedes. After her talk with Finn yesterday, she felt better. She had been self-centered in her anger over Finn not being present every day. After Jesse had dropped her off with a promise to have dinner sometime soon, Rachel had spent the evening thinking about the predicament that both she and Finn had found themselves in, but no matter how bad she thought she had it, poor Finn had it a million times worse because he was dead. She wasn't sure when she would see Finn again, but she was determined to totally apologize to him again. She wondered if Finn would be able to eat her famous sugar cookies.

"Well Rachel, what's with the smile on your face? I haven't seen you with that big of a smile in a while," Mercedes asked, squeezing her friend's arm slightly.

"I'm just thinking of a change in a relationship that has happened for the better. It's just making me feel better, more at peace," Rachel answered as she smiled again, but it disappeared when she looked over at Kurt and him forlorn face.

Rachel was worried about her friend; he wasn't his normal happy, snarky, judgmental self. Mercedes must have noticed too when she voiced Rachel's concern, "Come on Kurt. It's been almost three months since Finn died, and I know grieving takes time, but you're not the same Kurt at all. I even noticed that you wore the same outfit twice, in the same week. I mean Kurt that is so not you, so why don't you let Rachel and me help you. Come on Kurt, let us help." Rachel and Mercedes both gave Kurt their lost puppy dog eyes, knowing he couldn't tell them no.

Spinning them around, Kurt grabbed both girls into a hug, "Thank you ladies. It's just that Thanksgiving is, um was one of Finn's favorite holidays, and with him not being here getting excited about what his mom was going to fix and he and my dad talking about the games being played, it's just a little sad. In fact Carole asked dad if it was okay if we went out to eat this year. I just feel so helpless since I can't do anything for her." Rachel felt Kurt's tears on her shoulder and just hugged him tighter.

Pulling away Rachel put her hands on his shoulder padded shoulders and looked directly in his eyes, "Well, how about all of you come to my house for Thanksgiving then? My dads and I will have a healthy Thanksgiving dinner and they've wanted to have you guys over, but they've been called out of town for business a lot lately. So why don't you ask your Dad and Carole to come for Thanksgiving? I bet Mercedes would even make her famous sweet potato casserole for the dinner. You know you can't resist that casserole."

"That casserole goes straight to my hips, but it's so good," Rachel smiled at Kurt finally relinquishing, "Alright, alright, I'll ask, but I'm not going to promise anything. Have your dads call later and we can tag team them okay? Come on Mercedes, we need to get over to the salon for our manicures. Bye Rachel. Call me later okay?" Rachel giggled as she waved goodbye as her friends linked their arms and walked toward the salon.

This is one way for her to help Finn, by making sure his family was happy and healthy. Rachel nodded to herself as she started towards the park for a longer walk. She was lost in her own thoughts as she walked until she saw him sitting on a bench in the shadows of the tree line. His red jersey and white number five standing out against the trees, making him very obvious, if people could actually see him. She looked around to make sure no one was around to see her when she touched his hand, making him appear. "Finn, what's wrong. You look awful."

"Well, geez Rach. I'm dead. Dead people don't look good, because we're, you know, dead." Rachel heard the contempt in his voice, something very un-Finn like.

"Finn, what's wrong? I'm here to help you and look I'm not even mad at you for just showing up. So please tell me what's wrong?" Rachel tightened her grip on him, imploring him to answer.

Somehow in twenty-four hours, Finn had become sarcastic and sullen, maybe that's where Kurt's personality went? "I'm a dead tool, that's what's wrong Rachel. Even dead I'm still the world's biggest tool." Rachel was shocked when Finn ripped his hand out of hers and stood up disappearing instantly. Rachel stood up with him but fought the urge to reach out and touch him to make him solid again.

"What happened Finn? Please tell me. I'm here to help you, I think. So please please tell me." Rachel could feel the heat of Finn's anger as well as strong sadness coming from his as he looked at her with pain evident in his eyes.

"Let's walk in the woods, I don't need anyone to see me talking to air, and become a bigger freak, okay?" Rachel started towards the path and hoped that Finn could follow, and was pleased to feel his cool breeze on her back. When they had gone far enough down the path and was sure no one would be there or see them, she stopped and turned facing the tall quarterback.

"Now Finn, tell me what is wrong, exactly. Don't leave anything out Finn. I promise I'll help you."

She saw his face scrunch up like he wanted to cry, but no tears came, but his voice was full of tears, "Yes- yesterday after you left I walked out into the mall and saw Quinn, Brittany and Santana, so I followed them. Then I followed them when they left, Quinn came back into mall and went to the fo-food court. She went into the back of Luca's Pizza and started tal-talking to Sam. Then they started making out. They'd been seeing each other even be-before I died. She was just using me for my po-popularity and now she's using my death for sympathy and stuff. She's keeping Sam on the side while she plays the heartbroken girlfriend. I'm such a fucking TOOL!" Rachel watched as Finn's scream scattered the birds that had been in the trees. She grabbed onto his hand and instantly felt the comfortable weight of his hand in hers as the tears flowed down her cheeks. She was sad, but she knew it wasn't her tears she was shedding.

"Finn, you weren't a tool. You are an incredible human being with a huge heart. Even though I didn't know you when you were alive, I've learned through Kurt, your mom and even you just how big your heart is. You believe everyone and see the good in them, even when they're mad at you. Yesterday you were ready to leave me alone because you thought you were making me miserable. What kind of tool would do that, huh? Huh?" She kept pulling on his hand to punctuate her point. She watched as a very small smile escaped his lips.

"You're a good man Finn; don't let a harlot like Quinn Fabray ruin you."

"I watched her make out with Sam though. I- I got so mad that I got really really hot and then all of a sudden the oven caught on fire and the breadsticks started flying everywhere. It was really weird, and then I was pulled away and showed up here at the park. Don't know how long I'd been sitting there on that bench." Rachel saw the misery on his face.

Finn looked miserable with agony of his face. She hated how that Quinn Fabray had played and used Finn for her own gain, while he was alive and even now in his death. She wanted to go up and smack her, but violence was never the answer. She also felt something else; she felt the emotions that he was feeling, hurt, betrayal, pain and it overtook her. Even though she knew these weren't her emotions, they overwhelmed her as she started to cry again, large hot tears streaming down her face. Even though she wanted to stop, she couldn't, all she could do was stare into Finn's face and watch all these emotions she was feeling flit across his face.

She was feeling his emotions. She was crying his tears.

Slowly, she felt the emotions dissolve, her tears ending, leaving her with soft hiccups. She looked up into Finn's eyes and saw something she couldn't recognize. She felt a cool, callous thumb stroke her cheeks, wiping away the remnants of her tears. She wanted to smile up at him, but instead she leaned into his large hand and reveled in the contrast of his cool touch against her hot tear soaked cheek.

"Finn, I…" she couldn't even explain what had just happened. It was too intense. All she could do is open and shut her mouth.

"Would it be weird if I understood what you mean, even though you didn't say anything?" She could feel Finn tense as he asked the question, probably thinking she would call him stupid or dumb for asking it.

Shaking her head, she just kept ahold of his hand, "No, that's not weird. You and I obviously just shared a rather strong connection. Now I don't know how I am going to solve your problem with Quinn, but I promise I'll figure something out, okay? Now, you need to go back being your happy go lucky self." Rachel turned to let go of his hand and walk away, but she felt Finn's grip tighten on her fingers. When she turned back to look at him, she was shocked when he leaned over and kissed her cheek, his cool lips felt scorching hot against her cheek. As he pulled back, he whispered in her ear, "Thank you Rach."

As he pulled back and let go of her hand, he disappeared altogether, with Rachel not knowing when he would return.


	4. Can a ghost sleepover?

Finn opened his eyes to darkness. Was this where he went when he disappeared? Is this his purgatory? He remembered giving Rachel a kiss on her cheek as a thank you on the path in the park. He touched his lips and still felt her soft wet cheek against his lips. It was scorching. Rachel had grabbed ahold of his hand and he had appeared, and the sadness he had been feeling, seemed to evaporate with her touch, only to become apparent in her crying. He wasn't sure what had happened or why it had happened, but no matter how dense he was, he knew that he and Rachel had become connected since his death, and he needed to keep that connection, because it was the last bit of his life left.

As Finn's thoughts started to leave him, he realized he was sitting in this dark room, and he had no idea where the fuck he was. As he sat there, he heard a soft sound coming from the other side. Scrunching his brow in thought and focused on what he could detect, the sound was a very soft and lyrical snore, if that was possible. Why would there be snoring in purgatory? Could snoring be on pitch? Standing up from the chair he found himself in, he started to make his way slowly towards the sound, only to hit his thigh on something and go flying forward, falling on something hard and soft at the sometime. "Umf, what the hell?" He thought he could go through things, but obviously he couldn't if he had just hit something hard causing him to fall and let out a string of cusses which caused whatever he had landed on to move.

Finn stiffened as he felt something soft and warm under him, and then heard a soft mewl come from his landing spot. Did he land on a cat? It was little, but he didn't think he felt fur. As he shifted and tried to pull himself carefully off of whatever he fell on, he felt a hand clamp on his forearm and his body instantly became solid. There was only one person that he knew of that could do that to him, "Rachel? Rach please tell me it's you and not someone else?" Finn couldn't hide the nervousness in his voice, because if it wasn't Rachel, he was in a world of trouble.

"F-Finn. What are you doing in my room?" the grogginess in her voice was evident. "Oh my god! Finn what are you doing in my room at three in the morning? How did you get in here?" Finn was glad that Rachel had instinctually kept a hold of his arm, because he threw his now solid hand over her mouth to keep her quiet since her voice was rising quickly.

"Shhhhhh. Turn your light on so I can see you and we can talk. I don't have any answers for you, but we definitely need to talk without anyone hearing you talking to yourself." Finn felt Rachel move and heard the click of her bedside lamp. The room was bathed in a soft almost pink glow from the lamp.

Rachel must have read his mind because she answered his unasked question, "Pink party bulb, pink lighting makes my skin tone glow and I like to see which lighting makes me look my best so…" Finn just shook his head in understanding, no matter how crazy it seemed it made perfect sense when Rachel said it or did it. He watched her sit up against her headboard, and couldn't help but notice she was wearing a tiny pink nightgown with little straps holding it up and ruffles accentuating her chest. Finn couldn't help as his eyes were drawn to her chest, realizing that she wasn't wearing a bra, and felt a blush color his cheeks and his jean front become suddenly tight. It didn't help that Rachel had a firm hold on his arm, making him normal and his arousal clearly evident. He shifted so he was on his stomach and his happiness was hidden from Rachel. He was dead, but he wasn't "dead" and Rachel was a sneaky hot teenage girl sitting beside him in a little nightgown, and she would probably beat him to a second death if she saw what she did to him.

"Finn, why are you here? In my bedroom of all places? Is something wrong? Is something happening to me again or to one of my fathers? Finn do you know anything?" Finn felt Rachel's nails dig into his arm with each question, and even though he was thankful to felt her nails, they hurt like hell. He wondered if he would bleed like he did when he was alive.

Shaking his head at that thought, he refocused on Rachel and her rambling of questions that he didn't have answers to. He needed to stop her ramblings, and even though he kissed her last time to stop her, it earned him a slap and Rachel not wanting to talk to him, and she was his only friend. He didn't want to push her away or piss her off again. So instead of kissing her, he leaned over her and grabbed her cheeks, squishing her lips together and forcing her to stop talking and for her look at him with her large brown eyes. "Wh- what are you doing Finn? Why are you giving me fishy lips?" He couldn't help but smile at how adorable she looked and sounded. "Are you smirking at me Finn Hudson?" That just caused his smirk to grow more lopsided as he nodded sheepishly.

"Rach, I just need to you to be quiet okay? Can you do that? Then we'll talk about the reasons I might be here, but you have to promise me to be quiet. I don't need one of your dads to come in and find me in your bed, especially since you're touching me." Finn looked into her eyes and felt her nod her head against his hands. He couldn't help but smile as he let go of her face and watched her work her jaw from where he had gripped it. He suddenly felt light again, and as he looked to see that Rachel wasn't gripping his arm anymore, but had both hands on her comforter, pulling it up to cover chest discreetly.

Disappointed that he was no longer solid, Finn focused on Rachel and her questions she had thrown at him, "I don't know why I'm in your bedroom Rach. You know that. I just appear. I don't know if anything is wrong with you or your dads, and why would you think I was here for your dads anyway?"

"Well, you appeared in my house, and the only people here are my dads and me so we would be the only people that would need your "services" so it was a logical conclusion, right?" Finn knew her logic was right, but he wasn't her guardian angel or anything, or at least he didn't think he was. He didn't protect people. That wasn't why he was back, was it?

"Um first let's get the normal stuff out of the way, what day is it and how long has it been since the last time I was around?"

After Rachel looked at her clock, she turned to him and spoke very softly, "It's technically Thanksgiving morning. It's only been a week since I last saw you at the park. Your mom and Kurt and Burt are coming over here for Thanksgiving dinner. Your mom wanted to go out to a restaurant this year, but we talked her into coming over here. We thought it would be better if she was around friends and her family right now since this is the first holiday without you." Rachel looked shyly at him, and Finn felt uncomfortable. Rachel was doing everything she could to make his mom's life a little better and easier for his mom, and for him. She really was an awesome girl.

Finn didn't know why, but he leaned over and hugged Rachel the best he could without going through her. He felt her warmth and wished she would touch him so he could be solid again and really hug her, but this would have to do. As he squeezed, he felt her shiver at his touch, but he didn't care. He needed to let her know that he appreciated everything she was doing for him. As he leaned in to give her a kiss on her cheek, he didn't realize that she had hugged him back and made him solid, and had turned her head to say something to him but instead caused their lips to meet. For Finn, that was it. Once their lips met again, he didn't want anything else.

It was like she was meant for him, if he was still alive that is.

Finn always felt cool, but when her soft lips moved against his, a fire ignited deep within him, and that warmth enveloped him. This time, he couldn't stop the kiss, he needed this kiss, so he gently pushed Rachel back into her pillows, exploring her soft pink lips with his, urging them open as he cradled her head in his hands and he covered her with his body. Her lips were addictive, soft and warm, her breath minty and sweet, and when he felt her tongue peek out from between her lips to touch his, he couldn't stop but sweep his tongue into her mouth to explore, taste and take. Finn heard a moan and didn't know if it was Rachel or him that had made the sound but he didn't care it just made the experience that much more.

Finn felt Rachel's small hands glide up the back of his jersey and to the back of his neck as her fingers played with the hairs on his neck. He could feel Rachel pull back slightly, and as he looked down at her, he saw her smile and breathe in heavily, catching her breath, her eyes shining brightly at him. Finn stared down at her and realized one good thing about being dead; no worry about needing air, because all he wanted to do was to keep kissing Rachel. To pour his heart and soul into her.

He felt her fingers tracing his lips as he lightly nipped at them, wanting to dive back in and start kissing her again, but was stopped when she put her full finger over his lips. "Finn, as much as I really, really want to keep on kissing, I need to go back to sleep. I have a lot to do this morning for the dinner, and if I don't have enough sleep, then it won't be a good day, and I want it to be good for your mom. If I go to sleep, will you still be here in the morning?"

All Finn could do was shake his head, "I don't know Rach, I hope so, but I just don't know since it's up to someone else. I do know I would really like to lie down beside you, even if I don't sleep, is that okay?" Finn wasn't about to push, but lying next to such a sweet, awesome and hot girl would be getting to do something he never got to do when he was alive and make him feel human again.

He watched as she silently nodded and pulled the comforter back for him to slip under and clicked off the light. Not wanting to seem to forward, Finn slipped off his Nikes and pulled his jersey and t-shirt over his head while Rachel kept her hands on his waist as he unbuttoned his jeans and slipped under the bedding, as she intertwined their hands, she snuggled under his arm, dark brown hair fanned over his chest, her cheek, warm and sweet against his bare skin. Even though he would never sleep, Finn closed his eyes and reveled in the warmth and closeness of a girl he didn't even know when he was alive.

Cool lips were persistent on hers, coaxing them open and invading her mouth with his cool tongue causing a moan to escape from someone. Rachel woke suddenly to the sudden urge that coursed through her body, ending in the pit of her stomach and lower in a tingling sensation. Trying to sit upright, her body was stopped cold by a heavy, bare, cool arm draped over her, keeping her still against her mattress.

Finn.

She looked over and saw that he was still solid, her left hand intertwined with his hand, his bare chest neither rising nor falling, since he didn't breath. That small fact was rather disconcerting.

She had slept next to a dead man, literally, and wished he was alive.

She rolled and scooted closer to him, studying him as he was very relaxed and peaceful looking, something she had never seen before. Every time she had seen him he was agitated, tense or upset, never at ease or peace. She studied his messy brown hair, even messier since he was in bed, his smooth forehead that she had seen more often creased in confusion. His eyelashes were long, and she'd bet money that if he wore glasses they would hit the lenses. His nose was regal looking, nothing like her large ethnic nose. His lips were pale and angular in a very masculine way. He had slight scruff coloring his cheeks, chin and upper lip, that she took her fingernail to and lightly scratched at, causing his whiskey colored eyes to open and peer at her.

She felt his cool breath on her skin as he leaned in and whispered, "What do you think you're doing missy?" Rachel couldn't hold back the giggle that escaped at his playful tone and his quirked eyebrow. He was just too adorable. But how did he have breath if he didn't breathe since he was dead?

Banishing that thought from her mind, she just looked at him and let out another giggle, "This is the first time I've ever had a chance to really feel you. All the other times you've been your ghostly self and all I feel is cool breezes, right now I can feel you," and that single bold statement brought something out in her because Rachel pushed Finn back and straddled his waist, leaning down and capturing his lips in hers, biting down lightly on his bottom lip as a groan left him. Just as she was ready to lean in further and explore his mouth more, until a loud knock at her door froze both of them.

"Rachel honey, are you up? Are you okay? You never sleep this late. I'm coming in sweetheart." Rachel's eyes widened at the sound of her papa's voice, and as she pulled her hands away from Finn in shock, she felt herself drop to the mattress suddenly, because he had disappeared just as the door opened to reveal her papa dressed and ready for the day. Glancing down she saw that even Finn's clothes that had been on the floor had disappeared right along with him. "Rachel, we need to start on the food honey. Are you sure you're okay?" concern evident in his voice.

Rachel turned on her acting skills, "I'm sorry papa. I woke up in the middle of the night and had trouble going back to sleep. I think I'm just worried about today and making it happy for Carole, Kurt and Burt. That's all. Let me jump in the shower and I'll be ready to help you with the meal preparations. Just give me thirty minutes, okay?"

Rachel watched as her papa came over and kissed her forehead. "You are a very special girl sweetie. To do all of this for Carole, just makes your daddy and me so proud of you. We love you." Rachel smiled as her papa left and closed the door for privacy. As she pulled the comforter back and got out of bed, she wondered where Finn was and what he was seeing. Not wanting to take any chances, Rachel called out into the empty room, "Finn, if you're still here, I'm taking a shower now and I'd appreciate it if you just stayed in here and gave me some privacy while I bathed. I-I'm not comfortable enough for you to see me in that state of undress, okay? I know you're not going to answer, but just remember, I expect you to behave like a gentleman because your mother raised you as one, and you wouldn't want to disappoint her." Rachel knew Finn would hear her or at least hoped he heard her. She quickly showered though and got ready in record time, just in case. He was still a teenage ghost.

As she walked downstairs, she heard her fathers playfully arguing about something and the sounds of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on in the background. When she entered the kitchen, she saw Finn sitting in her chair at the table, looking rather forlorn. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but obviously couldn't, so she grabbed some fruit and sat down next to Finn, causing a small uprising from her fathers since she wasn't sitting her "her" place.

"Rachel honey, are you sure you're feeling okay? You're not sitting in your chair like you have every day for the last sixteen years sweetie?" she heard her daddy ask, and hid her giggle when she saw Finn roll his eyes at her daddy's comment.

"Daddy, I don't think I was sitting in a chair when I was first born or until I was at least three, but I'm fine. Just thought I'd try a new seat today, since today a lot of firsts will be happening in this house. And from this vantage point, I can see that the wallpaper next to the door is starting to curl up." Rachel sipped her orange juice while both of her fathers rushed over to the doorway and started fussing about their wallpaper. Rachel looked over at Finn with a grin, but saw he was back to his rather sad façade again. Not thinking, she laid her hand on top of his and squeezed it reassuringly only to have him materialize instantly and her gasping and pulling her hand back as he disappeared from view again.

For the rest of the morning, Rachel and her fathers worked on the dinner of roasted turkey with pan sauce, sage dressing, cranberry sauce, country green beans, homemade rolls, an arugula and pear salad, and Mercedes' mother's sweet potato casserole. The kitchen was loud and warm as she and her dad's laughed and worked together side by side getting everything ready. All three wanted this to be a good experience for Carole, because they knew how hard this would be for her.

As she and her fathers worked around each other and sang and joked, Rachel would steal glances at the kitchen table and see Finn just sitting there, his mouth in a deep frown, his eyes downcast. Every time someone would pass where he was, they would make a comment about how cold it was right there and that there must be a draft from the bay window. Rachel just watched as Finn sat there silently, not looking at anyone but deep in thought, making her heart ache.

By one o'clock everything was almost finished and Rachel ran upstairs to change into something presentable for the dinner. She always wanted to look her best, but today, she wanted to put on something even more. As she ran her hands along her clothes in her closet, she felt the coolness behind her. "I'm sorry today is so hard on you today Finn," was all she said as she pulled out several dresses to consider.

As she turned to put them on the bed, she was met by Finn's ghost lips meeting hers in a sweet, sad kiss and then heard his tearful voice, "Thank you so much for doing this Rachel. Thank you for doing this for my mom and I know in some way for me too. Just thank you." This time Rachel reached out and touched Finn's shoulder and allowed him to materialize to place a soft kiss of her own on his lips.

"You are very welcome Finn. I really love your mom. She's a good woman and I hope to make her happy today. So now go downstairs, because I will not have you watching me get undressed. Now go." Rachel shooed at Finn with her hands and watched as he walked through the door. That was new for him, she thought as she grabbed a pretty brown and white print wrap dress and patent brown pumps. She pulled her hair back into a loose bun and applied minimal makeup and jewelry. Looking at her reflection, she smiled knowing Kurt would approve of her non-librarian look and she secretly hoped Finn liked it too.

When she stopped to think about it, she was having a relationship with a ghost, and that was really creepy but also really exciting. It was like pure romance and drama gold, but it was also totally impossible because they could never be truly together until she died, and she didn't plan on doing that anytime soon. Wow, why did her first true relationship have to be so complicated? How very Rachel Berry of herself. Shaking her head, the doorbell rang out through the house, announcing the arrival of the Hudson-Hummel family. Taking a deep, calming breath, Rachel reached for the doorknob and walked down the stairs to greet her guests, while her nerves were shaking and shocking a mile a minute.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry for the huge delay but I've been in the middle of moving and downsizing and it sucks. The next chapter shouldn't be as long of a wait, and all I can say is it will be rather interesting. **


	5. Spewing Pea Soup

He had sat down at the dining room table, more like forced to sit at this one particular seat at the dining room table. When Rachel had shooed him out of her room, it was like powers to be had pulled him to that spot and was keeping him there. He had tried to sit at the head of the table, but he was pulled back to this particular chair. He couldn't move from it if he had wanted to.

Then he heard the doorbell chime A Star Is Born, and his eyes went towards the front hall, knowing who was going to walk through the door. His mom would stand in front of him again, and he couldn't touch her or talk to her or hug her anymore, and that was nothing but pure torture. He loved his mom, and seeing her hurt so much just killed him even more. He held his breath as he watched LeRoy Berry open up the front door and hug the person that had stood there, which Finn knew would be his mom. He didn't have to see her to know it was her, he could just feel her. Sure enough when LeRoy stepped back, his mom entered, holding her pie basket that the smells her pumpkin and apple pies wafted from, making his mouth water since they were his absolute favorites.

Finn looked at his mom, like really looked at her, and definitely didn't like what he saw as she handed off her basket. She was thinner, and not in a healthy way. She looked tired with wrinkles appearing where just four months ago there were none. Her hair still looked the same, no extra greys or anything, but it had lost the shininess it had before. The smile she had on her face was not her natural smile, it was the "I'm here, let's get this thing over with so I can go home" smile. Finn didn't like it, not one bit. His mom was a happy person, that was incredibly strong-willed and determined, and now? Now she just looked like she lost all need to live.

Finn tried to get up out of the chair, to go to his mom and wrap his arms around her, but something kept him cemented to the damned chair and no matter what he did, he wasn't budging. So he sat there at a total loss and watched as Kurt and Burt came in and someone ask about where Rachel was, and as if on cue, she came walking down the stairs, looking absolutely gorgeous. The brown and white dress wrapped around her body and showed off all of her curves, which Finn had to admit were hotter than hell. Her hair was at the nape of her neck and his fingers just itched to play with the loose hair that fell from the style. The shoes she had on made her legs look incredible and he was stuck in the damned chair, unable to touch her and show her how much he appreciated her. He saw her glance over at him with a small smile playing on her lips as she went and greeted his mom with a hug and kiss on the cheek. Then he watched Rachel grab his mom's face, holding her cheeks and kiss her nose, just like he always did. How did she know that? He watched his mom tear up for a second and then grab Rachel into an even tighter hug.

Finn fought his feelings. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't become jealous. He wouldn't get upset because something bad always happened when he did and he didn't want anything ruining this day. He just wanted to move out of the damned chair and interact with his family in his own, new way, but it was like he was strapped to it and no matter what he did, he was stuck. His emotions swung from utter sadness of how lost his mom looked to anger over being shackled to the damn dining room chair. Unable to keep them contained, Finn screamed in frustration at one point, causing Rachel's eyes to go wider than normal and Kurt to comment that it sounded like a banshee screaming under the dining room window. Finn watched Burt walk over to the window, right next to him and look out, "Aw Kurt, it was just a fox. I saw its tail as it ran back into the woods. Poor thing probably wanted some of this delicious food. Now come on let's eat." Finn watched Burt rub his hands together as he walked around the table towards the living room where his mom sat with Rachel, LeRoy and Hiram. He heard Burt call out, "Hey Hiram, do you have a draft in the dining room. There's a cold spot right by the window. If you want we can look at it after the game."

Even through his anguish Finn smiled a little over Burt's comment on the window and wanting to fix it. That was one thing Finn will always remember about Burt, how he always wanted to fix things for others. That was one reason why he liked him so much and kind of wanted to be like him, fixing things for others. Being the nice guy, the go to guy. Burt was a really father figure for Finn, and now he didn't have the chance to be guided and molded by him. His chest ached in sadness, the tightness overwhelming.

Finn placed his head on the table and covered his head and ears with his hands, not wanting to listen to the bustle of food being set on the table and people talking and carrying on, none of them, but one, aware that he was even there. He looked up to see Rachel studying him, and all he could do was give her a pathetic smile and small shrug, because despite this being his favorite holiday and everything, he felt awful. He wanted to be a part of this celebration so much, and he was stuck in a chair, invisible to the one person he didn't want to be. He looked at his mom, who was seated next to him, looking more at ease then when she had walked in, and he knew it was due to Rachel. Rachel was the person to make his mom happy now, and it made him jealous, just a little.

He hated being dead. He hated that he couldn't hug his mom anymore, or lay his head in her lap and let her stroke his hair to calm him down. He hated that he couldn't grab her cheeks and place a kiss on the top of her head like he always did, or sit down to one of her amazing home cooked meals. He didn't get to smell whatever detergent and softener she used on his clothes that always made him feel like he was wrapped in her arms when he got dressed or went to bed. He missed her voice and how the timber would calm him down, even if she was mad as hell at him.

He missed his mommy. He missed being her son. He missed being her baby boy.

Finn watched longingly as everyone seemed to make a fuss over his mom and he was just stuck there, unable to do anything, even touch Rachel. As everyone took their seats around the table, Finn noticed the only seat not taken was the one he was sitting in, and the only person that hadn't sat down yet was Rachel, since she was making sure everything was out and everyone had everything they needed, like the good hostess she was. He saw the look in her eyes when she realized where she would have to sit and he watched as she tried to find another place to sit, any place other than the chair he was currently in. She wasn't that lucky when he heard her daddy say, "Rachel, sit down in your chair honey so we can say grace and thanks and begin. Let's go sweetie." Finn's eyes kept a lock on hers as she nervously made her way to the seat he was currently occupying, playing with her necklace the entire time, and keeping her hands off and away from him. It would really suck if she accidently touched him and he appeared in the middle of the Thanksgiving dinner and totally freaked his mom out. That would not be good. So he sat up very straight in the chair, pressing himself into it and placed his hands beside him, gripping the seat so that he didn't touch her. He could not appear at this dinner.

Finn made sure he kept his eyes on her so that she could easily sit through him, like when he fell through her the one time and how he passed through the door. He watched as she kept her hands on her necklace, playing with the different lengths of chain and the stars that hung from them. As long as he could see it, he could pass through it, and right now that meant being able to pass through Rachel as she literally sat in him, and as long as she didn't touch him, they could get through this.

Except this time it didn't feel like it normally did when he passed through something. Usually it was like he was walking through air, there was no resistance or anything like that, the only thing is he could see the inside of whatever he passed through.

That wasn't happening now though.

As Rachel sat down in him, it was like her body was soaking up his body, like a sponge. He noticed that soon his legs were gone and only hers remained, and slowly the rest of his body seeped into hers. When it finally came to their heads, he felt his meld into hers, like a Vulcan mind meld, and he was seeing what she was seeing, feeling what she was feeling and just everything.

He was fuckin' Rachel Berry, and it was weird.

He had control of her body, but he could still hear her, like she was talking into his ear, and right now, she was scared as hell. It was like he could see her in his mind, and hear her, but he couldn't feel her and it was fucking weird. He needed to see if this was really happening to him? Her? Us? Finn jumped up from the chair, knocking it over and saw everyone look at him, and then he felt his mom's hand. He looked down at his mom's worried face, "Rachel honey, is everything okay?"

"Um, I have a sudden girl issue to deal with, I'll be right back!" Finn wanted to sprint, but calmly righted the chair and walked towards the stairs, not tripping or falling over the heels that Rachel wore. How in the hell did women wear heels? They were like walking on stilts.

As he walked quickly up the stairs and towards her room he heard Rachel, very loud and very clear, "Finn! I have girl issues to take care of? And why are you in control of my body and I'm like in this little prison somewhere? What did you do to me? What in the hell is going on?" Finn could "see" Rachel stomp her foot and when she did he felt a pain in his head.

He wanted to move his lips and talk, but he was pretty sure that would make him certifiable. So he had to think of what he wanted to say, "Rachel, I don't have a fucking clue as to what is going on! I wanted to move out of that chair, but something kept me there, and then you sat down and I just kinda got sucked up by you and know I'm you and you're in your own head, I think? I don't know, I'm confusing myself, but I think this is a possession, like in that movie, The Exocist, but I won't make your head turn all the way around or spew pea soup. Promise. Just let me get to a mirror and then try to figure things out, okay?"

Finn saw Rachel sit down side-saddle on the ground and pout. He wanted to help her, but he still didn't have a clue as to what was going on. He went into her room and made a beeline for the bathroom and the mirror. Finn's mouth dropped open because staring back at him wasn't him, solid or transparent, but Rachel Berry in all of her gorgeous loveliness. When he went to move his hand, it was hers that stroked the cheek. When he opened his mouth and sang a note, it was her lovely voice he heard. The only thing that wasn't hers was the eyes. Her deep bottomless brown eyes were replaced with his whiskey colored eyes, and there was no way to explain the sudden change, because Rachel clearly had dark brown eyes just a few minutes ago. He didn't know what to do, or why her eye color had changed to his, but then he heard Rachel answer his question, "Because Finn, your eyes are the windows to your soul, and right now, it's your soul that has control of my body, so it's your eyes that are the window to the your soul, it's just in a different form right now. We just need to figure how to get you out and me back though, that's all."

"Well, I don't know how, and I think the powers-to-be wanted this to happen and that's why they kept me in that damned chair, for me to possess you. Trust me Rach, I tried to move, but I couldn't. They have some really fucked up plan and I guess you and I will just have to go along with it."

While he was relatively calm, Rachel wasn't, and he didn't blame her, "Well, I'm not happy about this. They are letting you use my body. I didn't give permission for this. It's my body. I have the right to say what happens to my body and I don't have any say right now and it's wrong. Just dead wrong." Finn could see how angry Rachel was, but there was nothing he could do. He could just feel that until whatever was accomplished that was supposed to be accomplished, he was in her body, he just hoped it happened soon, because a pissed off, imprisoned Rachel Berry was going to give him a headache from hell, and there was no way he could kiss her and calm her down, not like this.

"Okay Rach, I'm going to walk back downstairs and I'm going to have to have your help in how to act and stuff so we don't set off the parental radar that something is wrong, okay? Please just help me. I actually have a chance to be with my mom today in a solid state, and I just really, really need it. Will you help me?" Finn put on his best puppy dog face to get her to agree and when he looked in the mirror he saw Rachel's face doing it and even he knew would give in to whatever she wanted with that look.

Rachel must have been impressed too, "Wow, I really look great with that puppy dog look. I'd even give into me looking like that. Okay fine, I'll help, but I'm doing this under protest Finn. You are using my body against my consent and will, just for the record."

"And just for the record, I think you are the most awesome girl in the world Rach. Thanks." Finn put on him biggest smile, which wasn't a smirk in Rachel's body and walked carefully down the stairs and back to the chair. "Sorry everyone, but nature is nature. Now let's begin."

Rachel rolled her eyes over what Finn had just said, because that clearly didn't sound like her, and she watched as her dad's just looked at her curiously, but there was nothing she could do about it. Finn had fixed her bangs through her directions in a way that his eye color was hidden behind them. She just hoped that Finn would remember that he needed to act like her, since he was using her body, or he would get her a seventy-two hour pass to the nearest mental ward. She watched as he sat down and when her daddy started saying grace, Finn grabbed his mom's hand and she heard him internally sigh contently, happy at the simple touch, and as she looked at him, the real him, she saw his eyes close at the feel of his mom's hand in his. It was the first time he had felt her touch in four months, and sadness overwhelmed her at thinking about how much he loved his mom and had missed her.

When daddy had finished grace, Finn didn't let go of Carole's hand, and Rachel had to give stiff kick to make him release it, and he did so, but very reluctantly, and Rachel could see the curious look that Carole gave her.

"Finn! Finn I know you can hear me! You are me right now, so please act like me. I know you don't know me that well, but please let me guide you." Rachel listened, hoping that he would at least agree, and when she heard "Humph" she knew he would. She continued to watch what Finn did in her body and when he started to reach for some turkey, Rachel stomped her foot again, which she was pretty sure made Finn physically wince. "I'm vegetarian you moron! I'm not going to eat turkey. Stick to everything that doesn't have meat, and no pan sauce either." She could hear Finn murmur but couldn't make out what he said as he filler he plate.

As the meal progressed, she noticed that Finn didn't really talk to anyone other than his mom, and that wasn't very Rachel Berry-like. He needed to talk to everyone. "Finn, stop just talking to Carole. I talk to everyone. I'm the consummate hostess, so talk to Kurt and Burt. Talk to my fathers. Please, or they are really going to suspect something." Rachel knew she was in whine mode, but she didn't care. She had a reputation to maintain, and Finn wasn't going to ruin it.

"Rachel, I've missed my mom for the last four months. I haven't gotten to touch her or talk to her and I just miss my mom Rach. You have no idea how much I miss her. I'll admit it because you're the only one that will hear it, but I am a momma's boy. It's always just been me and my mom, and now neither of us have the other, just let me be greedy right now okay. I'm sure you can come up with some awesome reason why you acted this way if anyone asks you, but right now, just let me have this, okay?" Finn's desperation and need for his mom was evident and even though she could be conceited and selfish, she could understand his need.

As dinner finished, she watched as Finn started to grab glasses and put the dirty silverware in the them, something she would never do, and Carole noticed. "Rachel let me help you collect the dirty dishes, and you really shouldn't put the silverware in the glasses, it's a good way of chipping them. I always had to remind Finn of that, but he never listened. He just said it was the only way he could carry the silverware without dropping it. He was such a silly but clever boy. I miss him so much." Rachel could hear the tears being held back, and she knew Finn did by the way her body was trembling as he worked on keeping his tears back.

"Walk Finn, get out of the dining room now! You already did something out of character, but totally in character for you, and it has set your mom off, now go," Rachel whispered rather harshly since he had screwed up. She forgot that he was the only one that could hear her, but she was used to Finn being the invisible one and not her. She felt Finn jump up and go upstairs, despite the calls after her. She was taken off her feet when Finn must have dropped himself down on her bed, because she could feel her body heave with very heavy sobs. "Finn. Finn you have to settle down. She couldn't calm him down by rubbing his back since she was stuck inside her own body, so she did the next best thing and just started to hum. She felt some of his sadness leave to where he was at small whimpers. She felt badly for him.

And then Carole walked into her room unannounced.

"Rachel. Rachel honey, I'm sorry if I upset you downstairs. It's just that what you did reminded me of my Finn so much. I miss him every day, you know. And to be honest, I have lots of happy, silly memories with him, but it's like they're locked away and I can't get to them,but you collecting the silverware the same way he did just unlocked a few good memory for me. I'm so sorry I upset you. Please let me hug you."

Rachel wanted to tell Finn that he shouldn't, but who was she to deny him a hug from his mother, something he has craved for the last four months. If her birth mom had wanted to give her a hug, she wouldn't pull away, but fall right into it, and that was exactly what Finn did. She could literally feel Carole's arms around her, pulling her into a deep and loving hug, one that Rachel could even feel even though she was imprisoned in her own body. She could feel Finn cry internally, the pure happiness and joy overwhelming him at the feel of his mother's arms around him. She could tell thatl he did not want to let his mom go, but after a much too long hug, she felt him pull away reluctantly.

"Thank you for the hug mo- um Carole. I don't know what came over me downstairs, but the hug, that was exactly what I needed. Thank you." Rachel watched as Finn tucked a piece of hair and looked at his mom shyly. She had to admit that even though he wasn't an actor, he did a damn good job of pretending to be her.

And then Rachel heard Carole's stunning response, "Oh honey. You know, in these last four months, you've become a daughter to me. You have been an absolute joy and blessing to be around. If you ever need a mom's hug again or just someone to talk to about things, please come to me. I miss being a mom, so just, if you want, think of me like your mom, okay?" Rachel's mouth hung open at that. Carole thought of her as a daughter? Wow. Even her own birth mother wanted nothing to do with her, but Finn's mom was happy to consider her one. That was really messed up in some ways, but also really awesome.

What wasn't awesome though was Finn. When Carole had told Rachel that, she felt Finn stiffen up immediately, his jaw tighten. He was pissed, and when Carole left the room, all hell broke loose. Rachel could feel herself, her soul, start to grow in her body, pushing up against Finn's that was still there. It was a very surreal feeling, one that she was pretty sure she didn't want to experience again. What made it even more surreal was the fact that little ole her was pushing huge Finn Hudson out of her body.

It came to a point that she had grown so much that they were pressed against each other in the most intimate way, parts brushing against each other. Rachel could feel a hardness against her stomach that was both scary and exhilarating. What she did notice though was Finn had snaked his arms around her waist and had locked his hands together, pressing her even more firmly into him. It was almost impossible for her to tell where she ended and Finn began, but as she grew and pushed him out, he seemed to have some invisible force trying to pull him out of her. The only way she could tell was when she felt a tug on her waist and he would hold onto her more tightly.

He didn't want to leave her body.

Well, no one was going to take over her body, Rachel thought, it was hers. She was going to be the only one in control of her body from now on! So despite the extremely cramped conditions within her skin, Rachel worked her arms up and used all of her strength to push against Finn, trying to get him to budge. She tried again and this time, the outside force was pulling too and he was gone, leaving an unsettling emptiness in her body that her soul quickly filled back up, but it just still didn't feel right. She was also left laying on her bed, totally exhausted, a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead from the exertion and her abs feeling like she had just finished a thousand crunches on top of menstrual cramps.

When she rolled over on her bed, grasping her stomach, she was met by the Finn's whiskey colored eyes that were at half mast, his chest heaving from the exertion of being expelled. While he attempted to rest, Rachel looked into his eyes, like really looked at them, not thinking about the fact that he was a ghost or anything like that, but that he was a soul that had emotions, and what she saw was heartbreaking. His whiskey eyes were pools of sadness, heartbreak, despair and absolute terror.

He was just broken.

Through empathy and compassion, Rachel reached out to him and cupped his cheek, turning the 6'4" quarterback solid, and as she caressed his cheek with her hand, his tears flowed through her. Even though is kept her off balance not to have control of her emotions, she truly felt every emotion that was going through Finn. The sadness, heartbreak, anger, loneliness and betrayal that he felt flowed through her, and she was unable to control it. She knew it was because they were touching so they were connected and she was experiencing his emotions and at one point she tried to push back away from him, but he had once again snaked his arms around her waist and held her tight. Every time a new emotion took over, he pulled her tighter to him and buried his head in her chest. Instinctually she started running her fingers through his hair, lightly scraping his scalp with her nails in a soothing manner, and after a few swipes, she felt his muscles start to relax and his emotions start to calm down and in turn, hers did too.

As she kept raking her nails along his scalp she felt a shiver run up and down his spine, a reaction she wasn't expecting, and he even seemed to snuggle even closer to her, to where she wasn't sure where he ended and she began. It was like they had become one.

And then she heard it. She heard him mumble against her in a teary voice, "Please don't ever leave me. Please don't replace me." As soon as she tried to speak, her arms were empty and he was gone


	6. A Horror in the Hallway

Finn found himself outside on the plaza of McKinley's auditorium. The last thing he remembered was Thanksgiving and being inside Rachel and getting to touch his mom and being pulled and pushed out of Rachel's body and her holding him and crying and him knowing she was taking his place in his mom's life and, and… All the thoughts flying through his mind was making him dizzy, so he sat down on one of the concrete benches that were scattered around the plaza.

He placed his head in his hands to center himself and get calm. He needed to follow his routine, even though there was no Rachel around at the moment. As he looked at the trees around him, he saw the buds, and the yellow buttercups popping up at the base of the trees. That meant it was March or April, right? So it had been about five months since the last time he was here. What happened over that time? Was his mom better? What about Rachel, would she still remember him? Finn stood up, and felt dizzy again and sat back down, but instead of stopping at the seat, he went right through and hit the sidewalk.

Now that both his head and his ass hurt, he slowly got up again, grabbing onto the bench to steady himself and stood still until he felt his balance come back. He needed to find out what was going on, and the only way was to go into McKinley and find Rachel. The parking lot was empty except for a few cars, one of which had to be Rachel's. Who else would drive a red Volkswagen bug with a gold star on the back? As he started to walk toward the auditorium's doors, he saw Rachel, balled up into the corner of hallway next to the auditorium whimpering, surrounded by Karofsky, Azimio and Rick the Stick; the biggest goons of McKinley. Not knowing what he would do, he took off in a dead sprint, a feeling of terror coursed through him as he went through doors and walls until he placed himself in between a cowering Rachel and the three bullies. He didn't know how he would protect her since he was in his ghostly state, but he would do whatever he was in his power to protect her.

"Come on Berry. Just take this like the hobbit you are. Your gay boyfriend pissed us off, and so he's gonna pay. Through you." Finn grimaced as Azimio talked. They were going after Rachel because of her boyfriend? That was just being a dumbass, but even dumbasses make people angry and Finn could feel his anger rise as he felt his body want to contract into a ball, like Rachel's was, but instead he sent cold blasts of air out from him and towards the three goons.

"Is it getting colder in here? Nah." Finn heard Karofsky ask as the cold hit him, but shook his head in denial.

"Yea, what makes him think he has the right to call us out in lunch and try to get us to join Homo Explosion, huh? I think he wears his girlie scarves a little too tight to be into you midget. Of course you do have the man hands and big nose, maybe he thinks you're a dude," Finn watched as Rick laughed cruelly as he advanced on Rachel, and Finn instinctually put his hands up to stop him, his anger moving like waves from him, causing the locker doors to start to shake and rattle violently.

"Dude, the lockers are shaking. Is there an earthquake or something?" Finn noticed the worry in Azimio's voice and saw it in his eyes, but Karofsky, the one he was truly worried about, was coming closer to Rachel, leering at her, while she tried to make herself even smaller, her arms encircling her protectively.

"Something tells me, that he hasn't even tapped you yet, has he Berry? I don't know why, since you're always wearing those short skirts that don't leave anything to the imagination. Why don't I help him out and break you in for him, hmmmmm?" Finn could see the vileness come off of Karofsky in waves as a wave of nausea overtook him at Karofsky's words. Why was he getting these double feelings? He was madder than hell, he shouldn't feel sad or sick to his stomach, what was going on?

He didn't have time to dwell on it though since Karofsky was right in front of him, his evil stench filling Finn's nose, the animalistic way he looked at Rachel, Finn snapped. Not knowing what would happen, Finn focused all his energy onto Karofsky and moving him away from Rachel, and shoved with all of his strength, and watched in shock as the teen went flying backwards through the air and hit a rattling locker with a thud.

Finn stood there for a second in shock, since he had expected to go right through Karofsky, but instead, it was like he was solid when he shoved him. Unfortunately, despite something unknown flinging him across the room, Karofsky stood up and started after Rachel again, incensing Finn even more. As the offensive lineman again stood in front of Finn, he heard a sudden gasp as he sent left jab directly at the teen's face, sending him reeling, this time unconscious to the floor. Finn looked up to see the other two tormentors scattering, with looks of horror on their faces, and as he looked down, Finn saw his solid jeans.

He had materialized. Without Rachel even touching him.

A soft whimper forced Finn to turn and see Rachel still curled up into a ball, clutching onto a pink microphone like it was her lifeline, tears streaking her cheeks and his heart clenched. Finn got down on his knees and was shocked when he lightly touched her arm and she recoiled even more from him and he felt self-doubt and terror enveloped him. "Rach. Rachel, it's me Finn. I'm not going to hurt you. You know that. Calm down, Karofsky is out cold and the other two are gone, but I need to get out of here before he wakes up. Come on Rachel, just take my hand. I won't hurt you." Finn stroked her knuckles, white with fear, until he felt her slowly relax and open her fingers up to place in his. When he felt her relax enough, he relaxed too and picked her up bridal style. He stood up and moved through the arts wing looking for some place to go that was private. He finally found a deserted practice room that was now used for storage, and carried her in, locking the door behind them, not wanting anyone barging in on them.

As he touched her, he could feel the humiliation, shock and horror that encompassed her thoughts. The tears that fell were hers, since the only emotion he had towards those assholes was pure rage. He knew that they bullied, but generally it was slushies, not terrorizing. Finn turned and grabbed Rachel to him, and held onto her tight as she struggled against him, still in shock. Finn wasn't going to let her go. He'd been gone for too long and now she was hurt and scared, and he wasn't going to let that happen again, so the more she struggled and pulled away, the tighter he embraced her, softly rubbing her shoulder and laying kisses on her head. He didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything but hoped that she could feel how much he cared for her, like he could.

When her sobs stopped and she started to embrace him, he pulled away and looked at her, pulling her chin up so that they were looking eye to eye, "Is there anything I can do Rach? Just tell me and I'll do it." He was answered with a shake of her head as she buried it into his chest and after a minute or two heard her soft snores as her muscles relaxed against him. Sliding down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, he guided Rachel with him until she was lying on his lap, her head resting against him. He wasn't going to wake her, she needed to relax and calm down from what had just happened.

While she slept Finn had time to process everything that had just happened; he had turned solid without Rachel touching him, he had physically affected things and people, and he could touch things without going through them if he wanted to. This was all just very weird and new, but it wasn't as important as Rachel and her safety. What was it those goons said, they were coming after her because of what her boyfriend said or did? Rachel had a boyfriend? Just yesterday, for him, they were making out in her bed before Thanksgiving and he'd even slept with her, platonically, but still, and now she had a boyfriend? That just wasn't fair.

Of course he knew it wasn't fair for him to think she would have a relationship with a ghost. It wasn't like he could take her out on dates or anything. There was no future because Finn would forever be stuck as a sixteen year old and Rachel would grow up and move on, but still. There was something about her that brought him to her, which allowed only her to see him. He just wish he knew what it was and why. It would make things so much easier. Finn felt Rachel adjust herself in his lap and he rested his cheek against her soft, fragrant hair and then kissed her as she whimpered in her sleep. That just made him hold onto her more tightly, giving her some security.

He had so many questions floating around in his head, especially dealing with Rachel, he decided to do something he had never done before, and he was talk to God. Finn looked up at the spit wad covered ceiling and let out a shuddering breath as he whispered, "Hey God, it's me, Finn. Finn Hudson? I'm the guy that died on my way home from school a while ago, and for some reason you've made me a ghost. The thing is the only person that can see me is this really sweet girl who I didn't even know when I was alive, Rachel Berry. She's asleep on my lap right now because some goons were trying to hurt her and I stopped them. For some reason I'm always around when something bad might happen to her and seem to prevent it. Did you, like, make me her guardian angel? I wasn't much of an angel when I was alive. I mean I was nice and all, but I wasn't an angel. Why can Rachel turn me solid when she touches me? What is this connection between us? I think I'm starting to have these really intense feelings for her but now she has a boyfriend, that has to be a douche if he gets the goons mad at him and try to take it out on her, I mean how messed up is that? Can you like give me a hint as to why I'm not in heaven and am haunting Rachel? Please God; I think I deserve an answer." Finn sat back and relaxed as he ended his ramble, allowing Rachel to curl into him more as he just sat there rubbing her back and placing intermittent kisses on the top of her head.

Finn wasn't sure how long he had held Rachel as he listened to the silence of the outside hallway, but he suddenly sat up hearing two familiar voices. "Coach Sylvester, Karofsky is knocked out and he was cold cocked by this nasty, huge monster thing. It just appeared out of nowhere, standing in front of that Berry girl." Finn felt his ire rise as he listened to Rick.

"Yea coach, we were just seeing what was wrong with the hobbit Berry and this thing just appeared and threw us back and hurt Karofsky. We have to see if he's okay!" Finn heard the lies come from Azimio's mouth and started to feel an incensed flame start in his stomach.

"Well boys, here's the hallway and there's no Karofsky and no Berry. Now I can probably guess why that theatre loving singer would be in the wing, but not you three. The only art appreciation you three have is for the lighting of the Playboy centerfold. Now come on, let's check these rooms to see if either one is in them." Finn tensed at that and moved away from the door, making sure he had it bolted. His movement woke Rachel up and as she looked at him and started to say something, Finn saw the knob rattle as someone outside tried it. Covering her mouth with his hand, he shushed her quietly as heard talking just outside the door and then the people talking leave.

When he was sure that he and Rachel were safe, he looked at her as she stayed in his lap, her head resting on his shoulder, warm breath tickling his neck. He felt her lips move against his neck and heard a soft, "Thank you Finn." Finn didn't say anything, but used his finger to position her head and leaned down, capturing her lips in a hungry, longing kiss. This was so different from the kisses before, if was exploring and capturing of each other's essence.

Kissing Rachel Berry was heaven for Finn, and since he wasn't in heaven, he could at least feel like he was as he kissed her, tasting citrus on her tongue as she explored his mouth. He let out a less than manly whimper when she nipped at his lips and then sucked on his tongue, the suction on his mouth going straight below his belt. She was his heaven, that he was sure, and as he moved over top of her to change the angle and deepen the kiss, his erection must have poked her, because she suddenly stopped and pulled out from under him, sitting up against a stack of chairs as far away from him. Finn was confused, because they were just making out, hot and heavy and now Rachel had pulled away and looked like she was Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter. Finn reached out to touch her softly, but saw Rachel visibly shrink back from him, confusing him even more. "Rachel, what's wrong? What have I done? Please tell me. I thought you were enjoying what we were doing as much as I was."

He watched as Rachel brought her yellow cardigan closer around her, like a shield. "Finn, I- I have a boyfriend now. I just cheated on him…with a ghost. I'm an adulterer, a cheater. I'm a horrible girlfriend to Jesse!" Finn's eyes widened as Rachel's voice rose the more she talked, tears threatening to start again.

Scooting next to her, but not touching, Finn looked at Rachel, hurt evident in his voice, "But we made out and slept together. Not sleep together but sleep together ya know. I even possessed you! How can you have a boyfriend? Don't I mean something to you?" He wanted to grab onto her, but refrained, and noticed that he started feeling lighter than before.

"It's been five months Finn! I haven't seen you for five months and I can't really have a relationship with a ghost. It's not practical and downright creepy! I have to live a normal life, while I appreciated the experience, drama and irony of being in a relationship with a ghost, it's not practical. Jesse, he's been there for me, is sweet and has the same goals that I have. He appreciates my talents and ideas. And he's alive. He breathes! You don't. Your chest doesn't move, but you still have breath, which is really weird." Finn watched as Rachel shook her head at her own thought and continued, "Anyway, Jesse is my boyfriend and I need you to respect that and me, please." Finn just stared at Rachel while she talked, never looking at him but at a loose thread on the hem of her cardigan, until she asked him to respect him, looking him directly in the eye.

Finn didn't know what was going on, and the thought of Rachel having a boyfriend created a heavy feeling in his stomach. It wasn't right. He liked Rachel, like a lot, but of course it could be due to the fact that she was the only one that was able to see him, so that could have something to do with it too. But there was just something about Rachel, that even if he hadn't died, he thinks he would have gravitated towards her; there was just something special about her.

"Rachel, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, surely you know that. I just, I just don't know. All I can say is Jesse is one lucky s.o.b. to have you as a girlfriend then. But I have to ask, does that mean I can't be around you anymore? Not like I ever have a choice in the matter, but still?" He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice, but didn't do a very good job when he saw tears come to her eyes again.

"Of course I'll help you Finn. I would never abandon someone in need." Finn felt her hand on his already solid arm, "Finn! You were solid before I touched you. You were solid when Karofsky and his Neanderthals terrorized me! Finn, they saw you." All he could do was nod his head.

"I don't know why I became solid, Rach. And I've been solid this entire time, that's how I was able to move you in here. I wish I knew what the hell was going on with me." Finn saw Rachel open her mouth to respond, but the sounds of people calling Rachel's name, put a stop to her saying anything. As she went to the door to open it, he felt himself become light again as she walked through the door.

Rachel looked back as she left the storage room, and Finn was his ghostly-self, a forlorn look on his face as he eventually disappeared to wherever he goes. Turning her attentions to her "rescuers" Rachel called out, "I'm here!" She watched as Mr. Schue and Artie came up, her teacher hugging her and Artie checking her over for injuries.

"Rachel! Where in the hell have you been? You were just going to the auditorium to get your microphone!" Rachel smiled a little at the concern in her mentor's voice.

Despite her teacher's concern, she wanted to know why her boyfriend wasn't looking for her, but her teacher and friend were, "Where's Jesse, why isn't he with you?" Rachel kept looking around Mr. Schue, trying to see if Jesse was behind him.

"He's trying your cell phone and he went to go get Figgins. I'm sure he'll be here soon. So, are you going to tell us what happened and why you were in a practice room?"

Rachel gulped, because Mr. Schue knew this wing like the back of his hand and knew all the doors were always kept locked, so explaining how she got into a locked practice room was going to be tough. "Can I sit down for a second? I'm a little woozy from my attack." Rachel watched Artie pat his lap as she sat down carefully and leaned her head on his shoulder. His shoulder was much more boney than Finn's that was for sure. This gave her a few seconds to come up with an answer that would satisfy Mr. Schue, "Well, I retrieved my bedazzled microphone from the auditorium and I heard voices calling after me, those Neanderthals, Karofsky, Azimio and Rick the Stick. I took off to get away from them but in my haste got confused and trapped in a dead end hall. The three advanced on me, threatening me, and I believe I passed out in fear. Anyway, I woke up in the practice room. I don't know how I got in there. I just remember those three advancing on me and making lewd, disgusting threats and that's it. I'm sorry Mr. Schue." Rachel watched for his reaction and saw his jaw clench when she talked about being threatened, so she knew he believed her. It was technically true, she just didn't include the part about a Finn protecting her and beating the crap out of Karofsky.

Rachel allowed Artie to wheel her to the nurse's office, where she met with Jesse, as he squeezed her to death. "My tiny songbird! I've been so worried about you." She tried to smile, but she couldn't help but compare his hug to Finn's, and Finn's was much warmer and loving, despite being a ghost. She felt Jesse place her on the bed and sit beside her as the nurse came over and took her vitals and asked questions about what had happened and such.

Rachel stiffened when she heard all three goons voices as well as Coach Sylvester's. They were in the other room with Mr. Figgins. Rachel peered over the metal and glass partition and saw Karofsky with an ice pack on his head and Azimio and Rick both sitting beside him arguing, holding a piece of paper between them. She heard Figgins tell the boys to go to his office because their parents were there, and watched as he followed them, the paper left on the bed they had been sitting at. She needed to see that paper before the nurse got ahold of it, but it was obvious Jesse wasn't going to leave her alone, since he kept ahold of her hand. She needed to get rid of him. She cared for her boyfriend, but right now, she needed to protect Finn.

Grabbing Jesse's hand, she brought it up to her chest and rubbed his knuckles, "Jesse, when Karofsky and his goons came after me, they said it was retribution against something you did to them at lunch. What did you do to upset them up so much that they wanted to get to you, by coming after me?"

Rachel watched Jesse's blue eyes turn slightly fearful and he seemed to think carefully before he spoke, "At lunch today, those three uncultured buffoons decided to accost me about the "gayness" of show choir and regionals. I simply asked rather loudly if they were so threatened by show choir because they secretly wanted to join and if they kept referring to the "gayness" because they were secretly homosexual. They shut up and left us alone. I put them in their place by being smarter than their single celled brains." Rachel watched Jesse shrug and then pull her to him in a comforting gesture, but it just creeped her out. He called, out loud in front of the school, three big time athletes' sexuality and didn't think it was a big deal. No wonder Karofsky looked like he wanted to rape her in the hall. He was going to prove his manhood. If it hadn't been for Finn, she would probably be bloodied and defiled in that hallway right now.

Putting a forced smile on her face, she turned to Jesse and gave him her best pouty face, "Jesse, could you get my things out of my locker and then call my fathers to see when they're going to be here. Please?" She watched as he nodded and kissed her forehead before getting up and leaving the office, giving her a few moments alone.

Rachel stood and looked around to make sure no one was around and snuck over to where the goons had been and snatched the drawing paper that was sitting there. She quickly went back to her side and lay down on the bed and looked at the paper and had to swallow the laugh that threatened to escape. This is was how they saw Finn? It was ridiculous. They obviously trashed their minds with watching too many horror movies. They must have had someone in the art department draw it, because it was a rather good drawing despite its funny subject. She could tell it was supposed to be Finn by the red number five jersey, that was shredded, the same with the jeans, his skin was a rather a mottled grey and yellow, with deep scarlet scars marring his face, neck and scalp. His hair was matted down with red, and a large, deep gash ran from his left eye clear past his ear, the skin pulled away showing this muscle underneath. His lips were snarled upward with his teeth, some missing, some chipped and she could almost feel his ice cold breath coming from it. His body was larger, taller and more built. He seemed much more muscular, almost like the Incredible Hulk, but even more menacing with the way his waxy skin was stretched over his muscles, like his skin was too small for his body. There were deep, jagged red cuts were exposed where his clothes were shredded, and to her horror, his right hand was missing, just tissue and muscle in place of a hand. Rachel covered her mouth to keep the nausea that rapidly formed down as she continued to look. His right arm hung disjointedly from his body. His femur was roughly broken and sticking out of his leg. Despite how grotesque this picture looked, it was his eyes that drew her in; they looked like whiskey on fire. They were drawn in the same amber that looked at her, but there was a flame added, making them glow in a very menacing manner. Something seen in nightmares. This wasn't her Finn, not at all.

When she heard footsteps, she quickly folded the drawing and stuffed it in her bra so no one would see, and laid back down looking shaky and weak. Jesse and both of her fathers hurried in, clucking over her like mother hens, asking her how she was and Papa even inquired into suing the boys. Rachel hugged them and told them it would only make things worse and that all she wanted to do was go home.

"Well, we are going to go home and get your favorite Italian and let you rest. Jesse, why don't you let Rachel rest tonight after this huge ordeal, okay? You need her ready for Saturday and the Regionals, don't you?" Rachel had never been so grateful for her daddy and his logical thinking then right then. If Jesse didn't come over, maybe she could summon Finn and talk to him.

She allowed her fathers to lead her out of the school while Jesse held her hand and kissed her cheek when they were at the car. When they got home, Rachel fought the urge run upstairs to her room, but instead took each stair slowly as her fathers watched, turning and giving them a weak smile before she entered her room, latching the door behind her. She didn't need interruptions.

Changing into pink yoga pants and a black t-shirt, she pulled her hair into a pony tail and pulled the drawing out of her bra and flattened it on her bed. Sitting cross-legged on her comforter, closing her eyes and taking a meditative frame of mind, she called out, "Finn. I need to talk to you. I need to show you something. Please come Finn. Whoever oversees him, or takes care of him, please let him come see me. This is important and I need to talk to him." Rachel tried to keep her voice low and calm, but she could hear the panic in it. She needed Finn, like now. She just kept quietly chanting Finn's name over and over until she felt a cold breeze surround her, making her smile, because she knew Finn was hugging her.

As she opened her eyes, she saw his sweet whiskey eyes looking at her, full of concern, his strong arms surrounding her protectively. "What's wrong my wee star?"

"Wee star?"

She watched Finn shrug, "Yea, means little star. You're little right? And wee means little, plus you want to be a star and get out of Lima, so wee star." Rachel couldn't hide her smile at her nickname Finn had given her. "So tell me why you called for me? It must have been urgent for the power to be to let me come. So what?" All she wanted to do was snuggle into his hand that was holding her cheek, but she needed to show him.

She pulled back from his touch and pointed to the paper on her bed, simply stating, "This." She watched as he focused and actually picked up the paper, something he hadn't been able to do before, and study it, his brow creasing in thought.

"Is this supposed to be me?" She could hear the bewilderment in his voice.

Nodding, Rachel touched the paper and told him the story of it was a composite that the goons had created of what they had seen when he had protected her. "Wow. This is weird, because I think I know why they saw me like this. Ever since I've met you, I'm starting to remember things from right before my accident to when I died. Do you want to hear?"

All she could do was nod her head in encouragement and reached out and touched him, making him solid, and moved to sit his lap, so she could feel as close to him as possible while he told his story.

She watched as he dragged his hand over his face, steeling himself to tell his story, "I remember high fiving Puck and getting into my truck and pulling out of the parking lot. Before I did, I remember something made me look over at the football field and saw a girl standing in the middle of it doing something. Even though she was far away, she was pretty, wearing a big bright pink hat and a light pink sleeveless dress. Even though that's all I could see in that glimpse, it stuck with me, but anyway I wanted to stop and get a shake before heading home, so I turned to go to Dairy Queen, and stopped at that light at Sherman and Main. Anyway, the light turned green and I started to go straight, and a semi plowed through his red light and hit me. He had laid his horn, but my radio was turned up so loud I didn't hear it. He hit me broadside on the passenger side, but it was a fully loaded semi, so it went right through my truck like it was soft butter. I know I died on impact. I could feel the metal and glass just rip through me. It literally pushed me out of my truck so that I was on the pavement. When I died, I looked down at my body and this is what I looked like, except for the skin. It was still normal looking. So Karofsky and idiots saw me as how I died, wow."

Rachel was speechless as she listened, but she could feel him fading, this keeper pulling him away, and she needed to tell him something she realized from his story. "Finn. Finn before you leave, I have to tell you something."

"What Rach?"

"The girl you saw on the football field when you left. That was me. I was practicing the national anthem for that night's game."

"So you were the last person I saw and thought of before I died," and he was gone.


	7. Regionals

Finn found himself in the same hallway he had fought off Karofsky and his goons, this time calm and alone. This time though, instead of the sound of Rachel whimpering and the lewd comments spewing out of their mouths, Finn heard singing fill the halls. Regionals. Finn smiled at the realization and took off at a trot towards the auditorium's stage. As he came up on the stage door, he walked through and up the stairs to the side of the stage, invisible to everyone. He watched a group perform a song from one of Kurt's favorite musicals, Evita. He only knew this because he watched because Madonna was in it and she is a total MILF. He watched and listened in awe as the group performed almost flawlessly in his opinion, but then he didn't know anything about music outside of what he liked, and he doubted anyone would be singing Foreigner or Radiohead. As the show choir passed right through him as they left the stage, Finn stepped out onto the empty stage and looked over the audience. He saw many faces that he recognized, like Mr. and Mr. Berry, Mr. Schue, Coach Bieste and even Coach Sylvester, but then his eyes landed on his mom.

She looked so much better than when he had seen her at Thanksgiving. She had put weight back on, and no longer looked frail, but healthy. Her rosy cheeks had come back as well as the shine in her hair. Finn could still detect sadness in her eyes, but she did seem better, happier, and that was all that he wanted. He wanted her to continue living, even though he knew it was without him. She had her hand on top of Burt's and that's when a circle of gold glinted in the dim lighting of the audience.

She and Burt had gotten married. She wasn't Carole Hudson anymore; she was Carole Hummel. Finn wasn't sure how he felt about that, because he would always be a Hudson, and now his mom had just kind of gotten rid of the Hudson part of her life. He felt the now familiar tightening in his chest at that thought, but fought it away. Finn moved away from the stage and towards his mom in the audience, kneeling beside her when he reached her, placing his hand over hers, causing a visible shiver to go through her. He kept staring at his mom, his mind filled with a million questions as to why she was erasing her life as a Hudson, when a voice from the stage brought him out of his thoughts.

He knew her voice; it reverberated through him in the best possible way. As he turned his head, he saw Rachel standing in the middle of the stage, her pink microphone clenched in her hands, a blue one shouldered dress draping her curves, as she belted out a song Finn knew. It was Ed Sheeran's Kiss Me, a song he actually liked, but the lyrics were now given the Rachel Berry touch, and it brought even more meaning to the straight forward song, _Settle down with me, Cover me up, Cuddle me in, Lie down with me, And hold me in your arms, And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed in my neck, I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet, And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now, Kiss me like you wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, This feels like falling in love, Falling in love, We're falling in love, Settle down with me, And I'll be your safety, You'll be my lady, I was made to keep your body warm, But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms, Oh no, My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed in my neck, I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet, And with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now, Kiss me like you wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, This feels like falling in love, Falling in love, We're falling in love, Yeah I've been feeling everything, From hate to love, From love to lust, From lust to truth, I guess that's how I know you, So I hold you close to help you give it up, So kiss me like you wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, This feels like falling in love, Falling in love, We're falling in love, Kiss me like you_ _wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, This feels like falling in love, Falling in love, We're falling in love_

It was like Rachel's voice had a power over him, because despite wanting to stay next to his mom and hold her hand, he felt himself stand up as Rachel sang, walking towards the stage. As she continued singing, her eyes closed as she poured all of her heart and soul into the performance, Finn jumped up on the stage and stood next to her, mesmerized. The song had a meaning that now touched his soul. She was his siren, totally placing him in her trance as the notes floated from her. He couldn't help but smirk as he placed his hand on her bare shoulder, realizing the lyrics seemed to fit the two of him. Finn was really starting to believe that he was falling in love with Rachel.

As she kept singing, he placed his lips on her neck, just like the song and hummed along, and he could feel her body tense under him. He slowly moved his lips against her warm neck, letting his humming and her singing mingle together, creating an electrical buzz between them. As she continued to sing, he allowed his hand to skim down her bare arm as he kissed behind her ear, her scent invading his senses. He could feel her body vibrate, hopefully in anticipation as she finished her song. He pulled back as she introduced the New Directions, but when she turned, she glared at him and mouthed the word leave. As soon as she said that he felt a tug, like he was attached to a bungee cord, that sent him flying off the stage and ending with him in Mr. Schue's closed office.

That had never happened before. When he tried to exit the office, it was like a force field was holding him in, he couldn't leave. No matter if he tried walking through the walls or even opening the door physically, he was trapped in the office, trapped by Rachel. Finn yelled for Rachel, wanting her attention, wanting to know why she did this to him and how she did it. She truly had a power over him that was unexplainable.

After a few minutes, Finn saw the door knob move and the door swing open revealing Rachel still in her stage costume a dark look on her face. Finn didn't like that look, not at all. It reminded him of Angry Quinn, and whenever she reared her ugly head, Finn always ended up hurt and feeling stupid. He knew though that Rachel didn't have a mean, ugly bone in her, so he didn't have to worry. She was kind, gentle and cared.

He was wrong, "Finn! What in the hell was that? What were you doing to me up on the stage? I was performing Finn, if it hadn't been for my superior self-control and professionalism, then I could have blown our set and chances of winning. How could you do that? How could you be so selfish and immature?" Finn just stood there, literally taking her rant in and as she talked, and as she punctuated each statement and question with a large stinging slaps. Damn her and the ability to make him solid and feel.

As she went to slap his shoulder again, Finn grabbed her hand, forcing her to stop and look at him, "Rachel. Rachel calm down. The way you sing that song. It touched me, right here." He took her hand and touched his chest above his heart with it and was shocked when he saw Rachel shake her head, like she was trying to get rid of him in her head and the feel of his hand.

"No Finn, I didn't touch your heart. You don't have a heart. You're a ghost Finn. I am a human, I have a heart and feelings and I just can't be in any type of relationship with you. It's not right. I have Jesse, and he treats me well and I care for him, deeply. I can have a regular relationship with him. I can go places with him and hold him whenever I want to and have him over for dinner and meet my fathers. I can't do any of that with you and I have to worry about you taking me over, like you did at Thanksgiving."

"But Rach…"

"No Finn, I know what you're going to say and NO, you aren't human anymore Finn. You know how I know this, by this." Finn watched as in one swift motion Rachel grabbed a letter opener from the desk and punctured her palm, letting out a brutal hiss at the pain, as thick crimson blood started to seep out. She grabbed Finn's palm and sliced his palm open, and nothing happened. The skin just stayed open, nothing coming out. Rachel forced both palms into Finn's vision, forcing him to look, "Look Finn, to be human, you need blood to give you life. I have blood, I live. You have no blood, you're a ghost. I can't help you anymore Finn. I'm sorry, but this has just become too convoluted for even me to figure out. I can't be around you anymore. I'm sorry Finn."

He wasn't going to back down though. He loved Rachel and he knew; he knew she loved him too. He needed to prove it to her, he wasn't sure how, but he would. Didn't his mom always say love conquered all? Well this time it would have to conquer death.

Rachel stormed out of the office, and back to the practice room that New Directions was waiting in for their next set. As she walked in, every eye turned towards her, surprise evident as she went and grabbed a Band-Aid to put over her self-inflected wound. "What?" She snarled, after dealing with Finn, she really didn't want to deal with anyone else.

She saw Mr. Schue step up and walk over to her, "Rachel, they've called for those competing in the soloists' fresh read competition. Jesse has already gone, you need to get out on stage in the next minute or you'll be disqualified." Rachel had totally forgotten about the soloist's competition due to Finn's interference, so she quickly ran to the stage to sign in and hear the instructions for the competition. A young man with extremely slicked back hair and rectangular spectacles stood in front of the five soloists, looking superiorly over the singers. Rachel didn't like his smarmy, superior look and scowled slightly as she listened, "All right, over on the table are ten folders, each containing a pre-selected song by the judges. You will blindly choose a folder and that is your song to sing, there are no trades or passes. These songs range from standards to contemporary. Our recorder will record which song you picked and then you will have fifteen minutes to work the song to fit you and your style. At that time a runner will bring you back to the auditorium and you will sit in the front row and judges will randomly choose the order of soloists by number. Any questions?" The man looked for any questions and then clapped his hands and everyone lined up and each singer grabbed a colored folder and opened it, as the title was recorded next to their name. Rachel gasped when she saw her sheet music; it was The Goo Goo Dolls, Iris. She knew this song, and where before it was just a song she had heard on the radio and in a movie, now it had meaning.

Her hands shook as she walked over to her assigned room, surprisingly the room Finn had taken her after the Karofsky incident. She let her fingers skim over the music, closing her eyes and thinking about how this song was so relevant in her life right now. She knew someone that was willing to give up everything for her, even though he really couldn't. Finn was always there for her, no matter what. He never walked away from her. He never left her; she was the one always leaving him. It wasn't that she didn't care for him, but it was just too much. She felt for him too much, whether it was her feelings or his. In some ways he was perfect for her, but she knew it wasn't right. He needed to move on, to go to heaven and be whatever it is he is supposed to be. He couldn't stay here for her, he needed to just go on and leave her behind to grow up and lead a normal life.

Rachel was lost in her thoughts about Finn when she heard the knock of the runner coming for her. Sighing in resignation, Rachel grabbed her folder and opened the door, giving the runner a small smile and followed him to the auditorium, sitting down next to Jesse. As she sat down, Jesse gave her a huge smile and patted her hand reassuringly, and even though she wanted to return it, her mind was focused on someone else.

She blankly listened to the judge as he called up the first soloist, Jesse St. James. Rachel gave him a watery smile and continued to think about the lyrics of her song. When Jesse finished, he sat back down, a superior smirk on his mouth as he looked at her expectantly, waiting for some praise, but she just kept staring blankly, her mind elsewhere.

"Rachel Berry of McKinley High School will be singing Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls." Rachel blinked several times, realizing that it was her turn. She walked uncharacteristically slow up the stairs and to the stage, Rachel handed the judge her folder, not needing it, and closed her eyes, waiting for the music to start.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you, Cuz I know that you feel me somehow, You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And I don't want to go home right now_ Rachel thought of all the times she felt Finn's cool touch and all the times he struggled to reach her, needed her and was denied her.

_And all I can taste is this moment, And all I can breathe is your life, Cuz sooner or later it's over, I just don't want to miss you tonight_ All of those months that he had disappeared and how she desperately prayed to see him again. His kisses that set her on fire.

_And I don't want the world to see me, Cuz I don't think that they'd understand, When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am_ Rachel opened her eyes as she sang and saw Finn, standing next to his mom, a destroyed look on his face as he kept his hand on his mom's shoulder, his eyes, now hollow, staring up at her, while he mouthed the words along with her. She cared so deeply for Finn, it hurt her soul to see him like this, even though she needed to push him away, tears started to slip down her cheeks. Through her tears as she sang, she saw another ghost, standing in the back, wearing a dark suit and white hat. He was obviously a ghost since he had the same transparent, watery appearance that Finn had. She could sense that the ghost was staring at Finn and Carole and despite the fact it that Finn seemed oblivious to him, she continued singing.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, Or the moment of truth in your lies, When everything feels like the movies, Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive._ She had just cut Finn to show him that he didn't bleed, so that he wasn't real or alive. She was so stupid. All he wanted was to hold onto his humanity.

_And I don't want the world to see me, Cuz I don't think that they'd understand, When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am_. Rachel opened her eyes to look at him, her Finn, and the tears came harder.

_And I don't want the world to see me, Cuz I don't think that they'd understand, When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am, And I don't want the world to see me, Cuz I don't think that they'd understand, When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am, I just want you to know who I am, I just want you to know who I am, I just want you to know who I am_. Rachel finished her solo, strong and with all the emotion that had been building up since September when she first saw those whiskey colored eyes staring at her from across the food table. This song was hers and Finn's.

As she looked out in the audience, she saw Finn's pained face as his hand sat on his mother's shoulder, tears rolling down Carole's cheeks, Finn's tears Rachel was sure of. She looked up where she saw the other ghost and saw him smile crookedly at her and turn on his heels and disappear, Finn following a few seconds later.


	8. Ava and the Batman

Rachel looked through the window of Kurt's SUV as he drove them to Dayton mall; fall was always her favorite time of the year, with the crispness of the air, the bright warm colors of the trees, the smell of apples and pumpkins scenting the air and Halloween. Rachel tuned Kurt out as he talked about Blaine and his hair products and stared out the window as she thought about Halloween and its witches, vampires, monsters, heroes and ghosts. Ghosts. Rachel wondered if Finn would reappear during this time of the year since the Day of the Dead and All Saint's Day all celebrated and remembered family and friends that had passed away. She was sure that Finn's name would be mentioned at the mass at his church, and she would put his name in to be remembered at her synagogue, but would that be enough? She really missed him, and it didn't hit her until the first day of senior year when she had been slushied by some jocks and he hadn't come. She didn't have anyone to hold her and whisper calming words as he stroked her back. Jesse on the other hand had just stayed away from her claiming that slushy dye would ruin his scarf and silk shirt. Rachel had spent an entire period getting rid of the slushy out of her hair and clothes, looking in the mirrors of the locker room hoping that when she looked up she would see Finn or his eyes, but it never happened. Now it was Halloween with no sign on him.

After an hour and a half at the mall, Rachel smiled at Kurt as he went through the rack of clothes trying to find the right pieces for Rachel's Halloween costume for the school dance, which was the whole reason why they had come here. Kurt had dragged her here to try on the clothes, not to pick them out, since that was his job so, "Jesse will be drooling into whatever scarf he picks out for his costume." This year's dance theme was "The Greats" meaning anyone that was considered great in their area. Everyone was expecting Rachel to dress as Barbra Streisand, but she wanted to be different, do the unexpected, and be unique, so she had chosen Ava Gardner.

She had gone over to his house a few days ago so he could show her his sketches of her costume. He declared since they were now seniors, their costumes had to be epic, and if Rachel were to put the costume together it would look like a pre-school Ava Gardner in tights and a kitty sweater.

As she went up the stairs, she did what she had done since the day of Regionals, she paused in front of Finn's room, her hand on the doorknob, debating if she should step in for a moment or not. She had always just continued on, but today, something pulled her into the room.

When she stepped in, she was immediately enveloped in Finn's smell, something she had forgotten. She sat down gingerly on the bed and let her hands smooth out the wrinkles of the comforter, the picture of the first time she had come in her and Finn had appeared to her as she hugged his pillow. Now she hadn't seen him for six months, since she had told him to leave her alone. Every once in a while she thought she had spotted his whiskey eyes watching her, but as soon as she looked back, they would be gone. Whenever a cool breeze would sweep over her, she wished it was him, hoped it was him. Every rustle and shadow were given extra glances to see if he was there, and disappointed because he wasn't. After quietly closing the door and walking into Kurt's room, she was accosted with a dozen sketches proudly displayed on his walls of her in Ava Gardner's sexiest threads.

The one they had settled on had been of her in a leopard print corset bodysuit with fishnet stockings, and pearls encircling her upper arm and around her check, but of course Kurt put his own spin on it, which is why Rachel was currently standing in the middle of a Frederick's of Hollywood store in Dayton, looking through corsets and spanks, and listening to Kurt critique the material and the baseness of the store.

"Kurt, we could have gone to Victoria's Secret or Forever 21 or someplace like that, we didn't have to come to Frederick's." Rachel said exasperated with Kurt critiquing everything he touched.

"Yes we did Rachel. Unfortunately, Victoria's doesn't keep theirs in the store, and it's too late to order from their catalog, Le Perle is out of our price range and Forever 21 just didn't have anything I was happy with, so here we are, and I will put together the perfect vixen kitty Ava Gardner, so shush." Rachel just shook her head and went back to looking, while Kurt still mumbled under his breath.

The easiest thing to find had been the fishnet stockings, but now Kurt was yaying or naying pieces and how he could add his touch to it. They had finally settled on a lace up corset that Kurt would change out to black satin ribbon and add a black ruffle to the top edge of the leopard print bustier and they found spanks in the same pattern and material that he would add a couple of ruffles to the derriere. So she still was a homage to Ava, but with a Rachel Berry spark.

Now it was shoe shopping time, and Kurt felt Frederick's would have the perfect "fuck me" shoes she needed. He found five inch black stilettos with a delicate ankle strap. Rachel just looked at the stilts incredulously because she wasn't sure how she would walk in them. When they had finished shopping and her feet were killing her, she offered Kurt what every teenage boy dreams about, even Kurt, food. As they sat down in the food court with the pretzels and frozen lemonades, Rachel glanced at the people while Kurt animatedly talked about her costume and the alterations he would be making. She didn't really bother with what he was saying and kept smiling at little kids and nodding at older couples, until she suddenly did the best spit take in her life. Finn. He was here. Standing in the mall, totally unaware of where he was or that she was nearby. It was almost like it was a projection of him as he just fidgeted in his spot.

Until his eyes met hers. Rachel had forgotten how expressive and warm his eyes were, and right now it was sadness and longing reflecting back. When she heard Kurt say something to her and she turned her head for a second and back, he was gone, but in his place was another ghost, the one she had seen once before, tall, wearing a Marine uniform, looking right at her too. His eyes were very similar to Finn's, even with the same hint of sadness in his hazel eyes too. He mouthed something to Rachel that she didn't understand, smiled a crookedly and then disappeared, leaving her wondering what had just happened.

"Rachel, why and the hell did you just spit your lemonade out? What is wrong with you?" Rachel turned to see Kurt grabbing napkins to clean up the spit out lemonade with an annoyed look on his face oblivious to the two ghosts that had just been looking at them. After he had cleaned everything up, he declared it was time to go and grabbed their bags and started walking, leaving Rachel in his wake, still searching the crowds for signs of Finn or the other ghost.

As they drove home, Rachel was very quiet; getting a glance of Finn forced her to think about how the summer had been without Finn. She had always expected to see him, but he was never there. Finn really had left her alone like she had demanded, which had allowed her to continue her relationship with Jesse, but despite them being so perfect for each other, she could feel the strain hers and Jesse's relationship. One thing Rachel had learned over the summer was that Jesse was very pushy if he didn't get his way, and all summer he had bugged her to sleep with him, something she just couldn't do. She wanted to be sexually active and those feelings and urges were prominent, but when she thought of doing it with Jesse, it was just wrong. It was like her body was telling her he wasn't the one to have her first time with. Every time things became heated between them, it was like his lips weren't cool enough or his hands rough enough for her. He wouldn't mark her as his saying it was common. He just left her wanting more even before anything ever really started.

"Why so quiet Rachel? What's up my baby Barbra?" Rachel glanced over at Kurt and could see his worried expression even as he kept his eyes on the road in front of them.

"Just thinking. Have had a lot on my mind." Rachel shrugged, but decided to continue, "Kurt, do you think there is one person out there for each person. Someone that will love you completely and fully despite everything and nothing? Do you think love can transcend even death?"

"Um, that's a little odd and deep, even for you Rachel, at least the death question, but yes. Do you remember those butterflies that seemed to flock to that bush outside of the church when my dad and Carole got married, even though it was cold out? Well, my mom loved butterflies, and when she died, we buried her with a butterfly necklace my dad had given her when they had first started going out. Those butterflies were like a way of my mom telling my dad that she was happy he was marrying Carole, and that she still loved him. Is that what you mean?"

"Sort of. I guess I'm not even sure what I mean. I was just wondering that's all." Rachel's voice had become wistful as she became lost in her thoughts again. Finn and his eyes dominating them, like usual, he was pushing Jesse out of her thoughts, and that made her sad, because Jesse had done nothing to deserve it, but it was happening. Finn just seemed to take over her life, and she didn't mind.

The next few days were spent with Kurt forcing her to have fittings, along with Carole and Burt since they were chaperoning and Blaine too. The night of the dance, Rachel sat in front of Kurt's vanity as he finished pinning her hair so it appeared shorter with tight curls framing her face. He did her eyes up to appear more sultry and cat like with black liquid eyeliner, false lashes and tons of mascara, along with a deep red lip and a slight shimmer to her cheeks and décolleté. Kurt swore the shimmer would make her appear more endowed than she truly was and much more Ava-like. When she wobbled down the stairs, thankful she didn't fall in her shoes, Burt and Carole were already dressed as Fred Astaire in tails and Ginger Rogers, because Fred Astaire was the only option so that Burt could continue wearing a hat, in this case a top hat. Burt let out a low whistle when Rachel's stilettos hit the hardwood floor. "Wow Rachel, I think I may need to bring my shotgun to keep all the guys off of you tonight. You look amazing. I better protect your with my life, or your dads will have mine." Rachel couldn't hold back her giggle as she saw just how dad-like Burt was acting toward her. She watched Carole go to the hall closet and remove a black cape and placed it over her shoulders, fastening it with the toggles, and hiding her costume.

Rachel couldn't help but pout as she was covered, she rather liked her vampy Ava look, "But Carole, no one can see my costume! I didn't have to listen to Kurt mumble about material and shoddy workmanship for two hours to have my costume covered up! I want to be sexy!" Rachel stamped her stilettoed foot causing a shock to go up her leg.

"Well, let's pretend you're a present, and Jesse will get to open you up at the dance." Burt added and then reddened instantly when he realized what he had just said and how inappropriate it was. Rachel was saved from any further advice or ideas by Kurt walking down in his costume, a black designer suit worn with a white unbuttoned shirt, his hair done to the side, with very little product in it, a first for Kurt. No one knew who he was, "I'm one half of Badgley Mischka, the top of fashion design, Blaine is the other half, wearing a similar suit and shirt, but had to gray his hair and put on glasses, but we are the power design couple." Carole, Burt and Rachel all looked at each other and shrugged, gathering their things, while Kurt wondered out loud about how he could live in a house with people that know nothing about fashion.

When the four arrived at McKinley's gym, they were all stunned at how it had been transformed, with the walls now appearing as the sides of an old haunted house with windows that looked out at different scary scenes. The buffet table had an obvious creepy theme including a smoldering punch. Tables appeared as caskets, cauldrons, broken mirrors and other cliché Halloween items. Looking around to find Jesse, Rachel was let down when she didn't see him, so she undid her fasteners to reveal her rather skimpy and provocative Ava outfit. As she handed her cape to the teacher doing coat check, she was immediately accosted by Noah Puckerman, Finn's best friend and several other boys, including creepy Jacob Ben Israel.

"My little Jewish princess, may I say you are looking extremely smokin' tonight. Maybe later you can show me your best pussycat impression." Rachel just looked at Puck in disdain over his lousy attempt to flirt with her.

"Sorry Noah, but this pussy…cat only likes phantoms. Toodles." Rachel wiggled her fingers in goodbye and strutted away, feeling powerful turning down the biggest flirt in school and walking away from the other boys, swaying her hips. Her Ava Gabor costume made her feel powerful and sexy, two things she never felt like normally at school. She continued to scan for Jesse as the phantom, while she placed her own mask covering her eyes and nose, her eyes landed on someone that she felt that she knew, but couldn't place, despite his full and realistic Batman costume. He was tall, a good foot taller than Rachel in her bare feet. Even though the costume was built out, she could tell he was in good shape, but what drew her in were his eyes and mouth. Despite the cowl that hid his features, his whiskey eyes seemed to glow from behind the darkness of his mask. His lips were perfectly masculine, serious in their line, but she could almost see the amusement in his smile. Even disguised, he was very handsome and very mysterious, which meant the girls were flocking towards him.

She was about to go over to the Batman, she felt gloved hands around her waist, and as she spun, she was greeted by the Phantom mask and slicked back curly hair of Jesse. "Jesse, you scared me! You look absolutely tragic and handsome." Rachel placed a kiss on his cheek, the warmth of his cheek disappointing her.

"Thank you my dear. You look absolutely stunning and voluptuous. I like the ruffles, very you, but sexy. Would you care to dance with the Phantom?" Rachel smiled as she took Jesse's gloved hand as he led her where others were dancing. As she looked around, she saw Kurt and Blaine, at the edge, not quite sure if they should join the others in dancing; Puck in his Mr. T get-up, dancing with some random Cheerio, Sam was dressed up as Darth Vader as he danced with Quinn dressed as Miss America. Several times she saw Batman stare daggers at Quinn and Sam. As the night wore on, Rachel was having a nice time, laughing, joking, and dancing with her friends, and even got Fred and Ginger, aka, Burt and Carole out on the dance floor for a song or two. When Carole was dancing with Burt, she saw Batman watch from the corner, ignoring Sugar Motta talking to him, a genuine smile on his lips as his eyes followed the two parents glide around the dance floor.

Toward the end of the evening, Rachel caught sight of the ghost she had seen at Regionals and the mall, again in his white cap and dark suit, but this time she could see in was a Marine uniform. He smiled crookedly at her and motioned towards the stage before disappearing again. On stage, Rachel saw the Batman standing at the microphone, his cape long gone, but his mask was still in place, hiding his identity.

Then he sang.

It was rough, sweet and amazing. The boy was shy and timid at first up on stage, but as the lyrics flowed out of him, the more confident he became. The more confident he became, the more mesmerizing he was, drawing all the girls towards the stage, leaving their dates behind, including Rachel. As she pushed her way to the front of the throng of girls, Rachel looked up at Batman to finally get a good look at him as the band started. As he started singing, she saw a crooked grin grace his face, dimples peeking out from under the mask that looked all too familiar, and when she stared at his eyes, she gasped. Only one person had those eyes, and she hadn't been near him in six months.

Finn.

His eyes a pleaded with her as he stared at her, and that's when she heard what he was singing_, So lately, I've been wonderin, Who will be there to take my place, When I'm gone, you'll need love, To light the shadows on your face, If a great wave should fall, It would fall upon us all, And between the sand and stone, Could you make it on your own, If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go, Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go, And maybe, I'll find out, The way to make it back someday, To watch you, to guide you, Through the darkest of your days, If a great wave should fall, It would fall upon us all, Well I hope there's someone out there, Who can bring me back to you, Runaway with my heart, Runaway with my hope, Runaway with my love, I know now, just quite, how, My life and love might still go on, In your heart and your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time, If I could turn back time, I'll go wherever you will go, If I could make you mine, I'll go wherever you will go._

Rachel was in tears by the end of Finn's song. She knew that he meant every word of that song, that she was why he went on, and would be willing to give her up if he needed to so she could be happy, and he had. Her heart felt like it wanted to burst out of her chest, it was so full of emotions that she didn't totally understand, but she did know that despite being with Jesse, who she forced herself to try to love, she was miserable without Finn. Where she may have been his link to humanity, he was her link to her heart, and always had been. That's why the news of his death had been so hard on her even though she barely knew him. That's why his cool touch sent shivers down her spine that had nothing to do with his temperature. That's why she ached for all these months that she didn't have any contact with him.

She watched as Batman took off through the back door of the gym, and without a thought of Jesse or anyone else, Rachel took off after him, as quickly as her stilettos would allow at least. She looked up and down the numerous halls for a six four man all in black, but didn't see him. Finally she just stood still and felt for him. As her body calmed and she opened her eyes, she saw the second ghost in what she now realized was the dress Marine uniform, point towards the auditorium with a gloved finger. This time she wasn't going to let him get away without getting a few answers.

Feeling bold, she walked right up to him and placed her hand on his elbow, expecting him to become solid, but he remained transparent, but a familiar smirk appeared on his face, "You thought I would turn solid like Finn, huh? Sorry little one, but there's only one ghost you can do that to, and it isn't me. Now go to Finn. He's hurting a lot, and I know you are too. So go to him."

Rachel kept her hand on him, not ready for him to disappear yet, "Who are you? Are you the one that controls Finn?" All she got was a curt nod and he disappeared from her grasp, leaving her empty handed. Turning on her heels, she walked toward the auditorium as quickly as possible, praying the teachers weren't doing their hall sweeps for horny teens. She came in through the side door near the middle of the auditorium and as she let her eyes adjust to the lighting, she saw him standing in the middle of the stage, looking lost and forlorn even in his Batman costume, and she couldn't help as her voice broke when she called out to him, "Finn."

Finn took off as soon as he had finished the song. He wasn't sure what had possessed him to sing that song by The Calling to Rachel, but he did, and she had clearly gotten that it was meant for her. He had watched as she had come into the dance in that extremely hot and sexy costume of leopard prints, fishnet stockings and stilettos, a teenage boy's wet dream. He couldn't pull his eyes away from her, but he stayed away as she danced with who he assumed was Jesse and then with Kurt and Blaine. Jealously struck him when he saw Puckerman talk to her, but smiled when she laughed in his face and walked away. She had even danced with Burt in his tux and top hat before his mom had cut in to finish it.

Finn kept to the edge of the dance, not mixing with the other students, despite that when he appeared his was in a movie quality Batman costume. Not a way to stay unnoticed and blend into a crowd. He did wonder if the tools on the utility belt worked, because they sure looked like they did. When someone inquired as to whom he was, he would mumble some answer so that the questioner wouldn't know if he was a student or a chaperone. As the night wore on, Finn had to flee Sugar Motta and her constant stalking of him, but he kept his eye still trained on Rachel or specifically her ass as she danced and shook those ruffles that graced them. God Bless whoever had put the ruffles on her ass, because it was a total turn on and made Finn Jr. very happy, but despite the show he was getting, he ached to talk to her even more. He missed her voice, her thoughts and her compassion. He didn't have that anymore since she has asked him to leave her alone and he had been sent to his purgatory, only once in a while seeing her, like he was looking through a window.

Now he stood on stage, still in costume, trying to slow down his heart, since it was beating like a hummingbirds. The look in her deep brown eyes as he sang showed him that she missed him and still cared for him, and it was just too much for him. When he finished, he took off for the auditorium, the place he had realized six months ago that he loved Rachel. Until he was whisked away, he would at least stay here and think remember all the things that caused him to love Rachel Berry, a girl he didn't really know, but had stolen his dead heart and made it come alive.

As he stood there, with the dimmed floor lights illuminating the room, he heard the side door open and knew who it was before he even heard her say, "Finn." She had followed him, but wasn't that what he wanted to happen?

He turned toward her and wanted to literally swoop down and embrace her, he had missed her so damn much, but she didn't want him. She had made that very clear at regionals, which is why he had wondered all night why he had appeared at the dance. Granted he got to wear the most awesome costume there was, but he still didn't know why he had appeared. Rachel wasn't in any distress, she was having fun, laughing and smiling with her boyfriend. He even saw his mom look like his mom, all dressed up and dancing. Those literally made his heart swell with happiness and put a smile on his face. She looked like she was finally in a truly happy place, and that's all he ever wanted. He hated that he was forgotten and replaced, but to see his mom happy and in love made it all okay for him.

All he did though was give Rachel his crooked smile as he watched her walk cautiously towards the stage, her body swaying on the stilettos, her costume accentuating every curve on her body. As she slowly came up the steps, still cautious, she removed her mask, and Finn gasped at her sheer beauty. She literally glowed. As she got closer she asked hesitantly again, "Finn?" He just couldn't answer. He was literally stunned by her. He didn't know what to say. He was never good with words, but seeing her like this erased all words from this mind.

He didn't think as he crossed the stage to her in three swift steps and pulled her to him by her waist and sealed his lips to hers. Despite the fact he thought that she hated him, he felt her respond, her tongue reach out tentatively stroking his lip and he opened eagerly and allowed her to explore him as he held back. He didn't want to scare her off even though he wanted to dominate and show her how much she meant to him and how much he missed her. He cupped her face so he she couldn't pull away and pushed his tongue past hers, tasting her sweetness, apple and cinnamon mixing with her natural taste, making her even more intoxicating.

When her hand came up to his face, he felt her touch his mask and move to the mouth opening and traced his lips. "I need to feel you Finn. I need to see you." Finn couldn't deny her, so he pulled his gloves off and then slowly unsnapped the back and pulled the cowl off revealing his sweaty flattened hair, and his pale ghostly skin. He couldn't help but close his eyes and relax into her hand as she cupped his cheek and stroked his skin. She felt so soft and warm.

When he opened his eyes, he saw her staring at him, longing and something else evident in her eyes, but he didn't care. She was in his arms right now, and he loved her and that was all that mattered to him, and if he had only a short time with her like normal, he was going to make the most of it. He had an eternity to regret things, but he had only a brief amount with Rachel and he wasn't going to waste any more of it.

He felt Rachel's hands roaming his costume, her breath short and shuddery, as if she was excited and nervous all at once. Her lips were red and swollen, her eyes dark but bright, and her touch was feather light but heated. He felt her small hand grab his hand and pull it up to look at his palm, the cut she made, healed but now a scar that she was lightly tracing with her finger, her light touch sending lightening through him. "I'm so sorry I did this Finn. I was mad and upset and was trying to get you to understand and I was wrong. I was so, so wrong." All he could do was stare as he felt her lips on his palm, placing soft kisses along the scar, and then on each of his fingers.

Finn was entranced as he watched her lips cover the pink line on his palm and see her tongue peek out from between them. When she stopped and looked at him again through her lashes, he pulled her to him roughly, entangling his fingers in her hair, pulling out the pins and curls so he could grab onto her and never let her go again as he kissed her feverishly, never wanting their lips to part, and she must have felt the same as she tried to find something on his smooth costume to grip and he could feel a frustrated growl leave her throat as her hands wound behind his neck.

Her whisper was raspy as she talked against his neck, "I need to feel you Finn. Not this costume but you, please let me feel you."

"But I'm a ghost remember. I'm not real," his voice was thick with emotion, partially because he used her own words against her and because he wanted to be with her so badly.

He looked down as she clung to him, her eyes large and shining her voice soft, "There is something that has connected us even through your death. You feel it and I feel it and I've been miserable without seeing you. I know I pushed you away, but it's like part of my heart's been gone, missing. Please." When he saw the tears start to trail down her cheek, he couldn't stop himself from kissing them away as quickly as they came, letting his fingers trail over her trembling lips and then farther down.

Tired of their difference in height, Finn wrapped his arms under her ass and lifted her up, making her wrap her legs around him as he walked her backstage. He lucked out as there was a large bed for the fall musical backstage and he placed her softly on it. As he stood over her, he felt an electric tingling go through him as he stared at her eyes, large and dark with lust. He was already hard, but when she grabbed at his costume and huskily whispered, "I don't want Batman, I want Finn." He almost lost it right then and there. The sweet, caring girl that had put up with all the craziness his death had brought her was now this sexy vixen in front of him, and despite everything, she wanted him. Despite her want, Finn needed to make sure that this was truly what she wanted.

He knelt down in front of her as she brought her hands to the costume and started working on removing it from him, and Finn had to grab her hands to still them, because he couldn't think straight with her hands on him. "Rachel, I have to make sure of this, because as much as I want it, I'm not going to be around to regret it, but you will. I'm not real Rach. I don't want you to have a lifetime of regrets because of this." Finn stared into her eyes, hoping he got across his meaning, because she had to be one hundred percent ready for this and be sure of no regrets, because they could never be together.

He watched her carefully, taking in her thoughtful look, her worrying her lower lip and how her hands kept itching at his costume. He decided to ask again, "Rach, are you sure about this?"

He felt her fingers find the closure on the back of his costume and start unzipping it as she looked him straight in the eyes, licking her lips as she started to peel the costume off of him, exposing his chest and arms. She leaned forward and kissed his chest, her warm lips searing the skin over his heart and pulled back to look at him again, "I've never been so sure of anything before Finn."

He had questioned her, thrown her words back at her, probed her and she was sure, and that was all he needed before he pushed her back onto the bed and climbed over her as Rachel's tiny hands pushed the costume off of his hips, leaving him in nothing but his boxer briefs.

"Well, my wee star, I think you're in too many clothes now. We can't have you over dressed." Finn brought his mouth down to hers, taking control as his hands wondered over her body, feeling all of the textures covering her, from the silkiness of her fishnets, to the smoothness of her bottoms and the stiffness in the boning of her bustier. As he brought his lips down to her neck, he heard her mumble something, "Whatchya say?"

"Ava. I-I'm Ava. Gardner. Great. Sex. Symbol." Finn smirked as he worked on the skin right above her ruffled breast, marking it with his lips and teeth, as well as making her nipples pucker with his cool breath, despite them being covered.

"Ava. Rachel. I don't care, because you're mine." Finn said as he pulled away from the very distinct mark he had just left on the swell of her breast. He needed to get her bustier off of her, so he playfully rolled her onto her stomach, earning him a gasp and a giggle as he leaned over her, nuzzling her neck as he worked on the satin ribbon that crisscrossed her back, and as he pulled it out of the eyelets, he kissed the newly exposed skin of her golden back, receiving appreciative purrs from Rachel.

When he reached under her ribcage to gently roll her back over, he felt her stiffen slightly. She was nervous. He leaned down next to her ear, letting his cool body cover her hot back as he whispered, "Don't be embarrassed. You're beautiful and sexy and turn me on every time we touch. I want to see you. I want to feel and taste my entire wee star. Please let me love you." Finn felt her relax and turn over on her own, exposing herself to his hungry eyes. He had never seen such a perfect woman. He let his hands run over her chest, stroking her breasts that fit perfectly in his hands and bent down to take a nipple into his mouth, letting it roll on his tongue, the coolness of his mouth making it pucker. As he unabashedly explored and tasted her breasts, he felt Rachel's nails slowly scrape along the skin of his back, chest, arms and any other expanse of skin she could reach.

Finn felt Rachel's heat as she pulled him up to kiss him on the lips again, biting lightly on his bottom lip, a groan escaping from him. They continued to explore each other with their hands and mouths working each other into a frenzy. Finn pulled away after a few minutes and looked into her eyes, her body glistening, her lips swollen, a deep red mark above her left breast. When she reached down, stroking him and making him iron hard; Finn had to use all of his willpower to keep in control. Even though everything she did screamed that she was ready, Finn leaned in so he was next to her ear, stroking her sensitive folds as she stroked him and whispered, "Are you sure this is what you want Rach? We can stop right here."

He felt her release him and bring her warm hands to his cheeks, forcing him to look at her as she kissed him gently, "No regrets Finn. I will never have regrets with you." It took those simple words to set both of them free, Rachel grinding into him as he grabbed himself and teased her folds with his tip until she was squirming and then quickly pushed in, feeling her heat send an inferno through him. As her legs wrapped around him, pushing him deeper into her, Finn lost any rhythm he had created, her heat taking him over. When she laced her hands behind his neck and pulled up, allowing him access to her breasts, it brought them closer together and as he blew his cool breath over her nipples and then took one into his mouth, roughly scraping and sucking on it, he felt her body arch and her heat grip him firmly as her melodic release filled the auditorium with him following after, her name bellowing through the hall.

As they both came down from their hormonal high, Finn clung to Rachel as she clung to them. He knew that he would be disappearing soon, and even though he didn't want to, he had no say in it. Rachel must have sensed what he was thinking, since she absently brushed his sweat slickened hair off his forehead and whispered, "You're leaving me again, aren't you?" He didn't have his voice, too much emotion for the gorgeous petite brunette that was connected to him coursed through him, so all he could do was nod weakly. "Are you coming back to me?" her voice was full of sadness and hope.

Finn found his voice as he answered, "I, I don't know. If it was up to me I would never leave you. You are my world Rachel Berry." Finn felt Rachel's fingers caress his cheek just as everything went blank. Despite the nothingness that surrounded him, he heard her sobs echo through his soul.


	9. Fixing Mistakes

Rachel watched the snow come down outside of the synagogue, declaring that it truly was December and almost Christmas and Hanukkah. She sat in temple with her fathers and her Nana who had come down for a weekend visit as she tried to ignore Noah Puckerman and his lewd gestures. She said her prayers in Hebrew, and followed the ancient traditions that her synagogue followed, but her heart wasn't in it. Normally it brought her comfort to take part in these traditions that have gone on for centuries, but nothing had given her comfort in a while. Her heart hadn't been into anything for a few months now, actually ever since the Halloween dance when she and Finn had made love on the prop bed and then he promptly disappeared. She had laid on the prop bed curled up sobbing uncontrollably for a while until she realized Kurt and his parents would be looking for her. She had cleaned herself up, redressed and fixed her makeup using the stage kit before going back to the dance.

Kurt had admonished her for her messed up hair, but didn't say anything else, because the look on her face told him that she was upset. He didn't push for any info and she didn't offer. She just wanted to be alone after that. The next day she broke up with Jesse at the Lima Bean. She couldn't keep leading him on when her heart didn't belong to him. She was surprised how docile he was, no dramatics at all with the break up. She expected shouting and posturing and attention seeking, but instead, Jesse simply leaned over, kissed her forehead and wished her well before he walked out. His simple sweetness had caused her to breakdown again in the middle of the Lima Bean tears falling into her soy latte.

November for Rachel had been nothing but school, rehearsing for West Side Story and glee. She still went to the Hudson/Hummel's for Friday night family dinners, but guilt ate at her for keeping her contact with Finn a secret. So to make amends she helped Carole cook and kept the topics of conversation light or school related, and stayed away from relationships and Finn. During one dinner Burt had brought up how the holidays were special for couples and Rachel had promptly started to sob at the table, causing Kurt to tell them it was due to her breaking up with Jesse and Carole admonishing Burt and making the topic off limits.

The first practice for West Side with props had caused another flood of tears when Rachel had to sit on the bed that she and Finn had made love on, but now it was Blaine singing to her, and it felt so wrong. Finn was her Tony; she always pictured Finn kneeling at her bedside, declaring his undying love for her instead of Blaine's Tony. The musical had been hard, but Rachel was professional and despite her feelings and emotions, she channeled them into the most heartbreaking Maria Ohio had ever seen. She had done such an awesome job that even Coach Sue Sylvester admitted on the nightly news that she had shed a tear or two over Rachel's portrayal.

After the musical, Rachel had really stopped interacting with her peers outside of on a need to basis. Free time was spent studying up on ghost folklore, questioning her rabbi and Carole's priest on the beliefs of their religion on ghosts. She had even gone as far as bringing in a paranormal group and a psychic into the school, after hours, to try to get in contact with Finn, but all that did was leave her even more alone, since they said Finn wasn't attached to the this world anymore. What the hell did that mean anyway? Finn was still firmly attached to this world! His mom was here, Kurt, Burt and her, wasn't she important enough to him to still be attached to them?

Her lack of interaction and sudden obsession with the paranormal seemed to have sparked worry in several teachers and classmates. Which lead her to her current situation of sitting across from Miss Pillsbury and her impeccably clean desk, looking at the red headed guidance counselor, who was nervously playing with a pamphlet, while Rachel impatiently taped her foot waiting for the woman to speak.

"Ra-Rachel, several friends and teachers have come to me concerned about you. They've noticed that you've lost weight, aren't your normal, peppy, bossy, and obsessed self. You're giving away solos in glee. All you seem to do is come to school, go home or go over to Kurt Hummel's house. It has everyone concerned Rachel. What do you have to say?"

Rachel shrugged, "Nothing, it's the holidays and winter and it's a normal time for people to feel down, especially those that don't have someone in their lives. I'm alone at what is supposed to be the happiest time of the year, so I'm down. And when was it wrong to throw myself into my school work. I want to make sure I'm accepted into all the colleges I applied to so I have a choice, is that so wrong?" Rachel avoided her counselor's large inquisitive eyes as she spoke, afraid Miss Pillsbury would detect the truth.

"Well, while all of that is true, you still aren't your normal self. You didn't even tell Jacob Ben Israel to shove it when he propositioned you to join him in the janitor's closet. That's not like you sweetie. You just seem to go through the day in some sort of daze."

Rachel pushed her chair back nosily and stood up, "While I'm glad you are concerned, but I'm fine and I need to get to Physics, so if you'll excuse me." She headed to toward the door when what Miss Pillsbury said next stopped her cold.

"I know you've been talking to people about the paranormal and checking books on ghosts and the after-life." Rachel turned around and looked at the counselor and slowly came back to the chair she had just vacated and sank down into it. Miss Pillsbury took it as her cue to continue, "We have surveillance of you sneaking in the school after hours during an AA meeting with a local paranormal team, and you went to Finn Hudson's old locker, the hall where you were attacked and the auditorium. You were asking them if Finn was still present and if you could talk to him." Rachel felt the woman's hand cover hers in what should have been a comforting manner, but it brought none. "He's gone Rachel, he's not coming back. I know you are good friends with Kurt and have become close to Finn's mother and step-father, but you didn't know Finn when he was alive, you two kept to completely different circles, so why all the interest?"

Rachel just stared at the older woman and shrugged, because there was no way she could tell her the truth.

"Well, I have a pamphlet for you to read that may be some help. If you have any questions after you've read it, please come see me. My door is always open."

Rachel took the pamphlet and walked out of the office. When she went down the hall, she stopped and read the title "The After Life is No Life for You." Rachel just chuckled and threw it away in the nearest trash can before she headed to Physics.

By the end of the day, she was spent and was going to skip glee and go home to get some sleep. She hadn't been sleeping well since she started meeting the paranormal group every Wednesday when the school stayed open late for the AA meetings, and her research on how to bring Finn back to her, she was just tired. As she grabbed her books and bag, she shut her lock only to jump at Kurt standing right there, waiting for her, "Oh my gosh Kurt. You scared the crap out of me. What are you doing?"

"I came to escort you to glee. Mr. Schue is going to pick the soloist and duet partners for sectionals, aren't you coming?" Rachel saw Kurt's brow furrow as he took in her books and her bag, ready to go home.

Rachel fell against the locker and looked at Kurt, "I'm sorry Kurt. I forgot. I'm just really tired and was going to go home and rest. Why don't you text me with who he picks this year, okay?" Rachel turned to walk away until she felt Kurt's hand on her arm, stopping her.

"No Rachel. You aren't going home. I'm really worried about you. For the last three years you have been cutthroat to get your solos for competition and always the first at practice. Now you barely show up. I'm scared Rachel. I don't want to lose you like a lost Finn." Rachel visibly gulped at the mention of Finn. She missed him so much. "Come on, I'm taking you somewhere. We both can skip glee. I'll just text Mercedes to give Mr. Schue an excuse for us and tell us who got the parts. I need you to see something."

Rachel just stared at Kurt as he texted Mercedes and then grabbed her books and led her to his SUV, throwing her books in the back along with his messenger bag. It had been dark and grey all day and now snow started coming down softly, covering up the dirty snow, making it appear white and pristine. Rachel shivered, her coat not doing a good job at keeping her warm. At the next stoplight, Kurt reached back and handed Rachel a jacket, the red wool and tan leather a dead give-away for McKinley's letterman jacket.

"Why do you have a letterman's jacket Kurt? I thought your short stint in football didn't earn you one?"

"It didn't. That's a duplicate of Finn's that Figgins had made for Carole since Finn was buried in his. Carole can't look at it so I've just kept it in here. Put it on, it'll keep you warm." Rachel let her fingers trail over the patches and the stitching of Finn's name on it. Pulling it on, the jacket was almost like a robe on her, but it was warm and if she closed her eyes and pretended, she could almost smell Finn on it, even though he'd never worn it. She just hugged it closer to her and watched the snow fall as Kurt drove on, silence overtaking them.

After another fifteen minutes, Rachel saw where they were, a cemetery. Rachel looked at Kurt quizzically as he drove through the cemetery almost on automatic pilot, "Kurt, why are we here?"

Kurt stayed silent but stopped the SUV and sat for a moment, before looking at Rachel, "I'm worried about you. You've lost all zest for your life. You've lost what makes you, Rachel Barbra Berry, and I don't like it. I thought maybe I could shock you a little into being more of yourself." Rachel just sat there; her mouth set in a firm line as Kurt walked around and opened her door. Rachel just sat there, her covered arms crossed over her chest, but the extra length of the sleeve covering her hands made it more comical than furious. "Please Rachel. I know you've never been here, but I want to show you and tell you something, so please come out." When she looked at Kurt she saw his eyes glistening with tears, and her heart broke. Whatever he was going to tell her and show her meant a lot to him and so for him, she slowly grabbed his hand and stepped out, wrapping her arms around her body once again.

Rachel watched Kurt walk nimbly over the grass, avoiding walking over anyone's grave, and Rachel followed until he stopped so Rachel did too. All Kurt did was motion his head towards the headstones and Rachel felt her eyes go wide at what she saw. Two identical black granite headstones, wet with melted snow rose above the snow whitened ground. Engraved on the left was "Son; Finn Christopher Hudson; September 14th; He's protected by his father's arms." Rachel had never been to his grave before since he had always been around, and seeing it in person hammered home to Rachel that Finn was dead and gone. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she turned towards the matching headstone, "Father, Husband, Marine; Christopher Daniel Hudson; September 15th; He will always protects us." Rachel walked over and placed her hands on Finn's stone and cried. She missed him so much and this was the closest she's been to him since Halloween and it hurt so much. She lay her cheek against the cold, wet stone as Kurt spoke, "Rachel, you have to snap out of this funk before you end up like Finn! Dead, cold, buried in the ground. You have so much life in you. Hell you probably have enough life in you for two people, but something has caused you to give it up. You aren't that bright shining star that we've all learned to love and hate all at the same time, and I mean that in the best way. Finn, he just went through life. He never pushed himself, but right before he died, he realized he wasn't living; he wasn't trying to reach his potential, so he started to turn it around. He was working hard in his classes, less partying, doing more drills to improve in football, and then it was snatched from him by that semi. Rachel, you know your potential, and you're throwing it all away. I can't have you doing that. I know you didn't know Finn, but please, live your life in all it's wonderful Technicolor glory! Do it for Carole, who didn't get to see Finn do it. Do it for Finn so wherever he is, he can see what it looks like. Do it for you, but please Rachel, start living again."

Rachel turned and looked back at Kurt, tears coming down his face. Not moving from Finn's stone, she smiled at her best friend, "I promise Kurt. Things have been hard lately, and you're right, I stopped living. I promise I will get back to being my old self. I'll start by coming to every glee rehearsal and even coming up with several ideas for sets for sectionals. This year's theme is relationships, so I have a few ideas. But can I be here alone for a minute, please?"

Rachel watched Kurt step gingerly over the soft ground and leaned over kissing her head, whispering, "You're my best friend Rachel. I love you." She watched him walk back to his SUV and get in, turning the heat on.

When she saw Kurt start singing to some song on the radio, Rachel turned and laid her head on Finn's stone, tracing his name with her finger. She didn't know if he could hear her, but she would try, "Finn, if you can hear me, I love you. I love you very, very much. I've been so lost without you, it's like most of my heart is gone. I've been so different since that night that I got called into Miss Pillsbury's office for her to talk to me and hand me a pamphlet. There's no one to help me with this. And when you looked at me that night and said to make sure I have no regret, I still don't. The memory of that night plays in my mind all the time, and that warm, protective, loving feeling that I had then is what keeps me going. Kurt was right though. I'm so consumed by the loss of you that I've stopped living. So to honor you, and to be myself, I'm going to be Rachel Barbra Berry, future Broadway star, and when I win my first Tony, I will thank you Finn. Because no matter what, you are my true love. It's just too bad it had to happen after you died." Rachel kissed his name, a warmth spreading from the stone to her lips, and then with one final look, got up and walked back to Kurt, determination shining in her brown eyes.

Finn sat up suddenly realizing he wasn't in bed with Rachel anymore, but on a small bed in a small room that was filled with the sound of Rachel's sobs. Finn could hear the pain in her sobs and it made his heart clench, making it hard to breathe. "Rachel? Rachel can you hear me? Rach?" Finn yelled out in hopes she could hear him, but when her sobs started to die down, he dropped his head in defeat. She hadn't heard him. As he lifted his head, his hands were wet. Swiping at his cheeks he felt the dampness of tears on them. He was crying, real tears. He couldn't remember when the last time he truly cried was. As he dried his eyes he looked at his surrounding and realized he was in his childhood bedroom, with the too small twin bed with blue comforter, the cowboy wallpaper that his mom refused to take down since his dad had picked it out. His posters adorned the wall. His laptop, weights, drum kit and even his pile of dirty clothes next to the door were all here. He was in his old house, but that was impossible because his mom had sold it to the McPherson's e door were all here. He was in his old house, but that was impossible because his mom had sold it to the McPherson's a few months before he died. How was he in it now?

Finn was dizzy with confusion. He was actually crying, something he couldn't do as a ghost. He had seemingly slept something he didn't do as a ghost. His stomach growled with emptiness, so he was hungry something he missed being as a ghost. Did all of this mean he was alive? Was he a human again? As he sat up and swung his legs over the side of his bed, he heard his door open, and a Marine in khaki's walked into the room, sitting down swiftly in the computer chair. Before Finn could even open his mouth to ask his first question, the Marine held his hand up to stop him, "Hold on there Buck. Why don't I do some explaining before you ask all of your questions? It might save us some time."

Finn's brow creased at the man's words, "What did you call me just now?"

He watched the man scratch the back of his neck nervously before answering, "Um, I called you Buck, why?"

"It just sounded familiar, but why call me Buck when my names Finn?"

"Why don't you just sit back and listen first and then I can fill in any blanks you still have, okay? First, all of this," the man motioned around him gesturing to the room, "came from your memory. This is where you feel most safe, so this was created for you. And I'm your mentor. I'm the guy that you've yelled at and questioned without even knowing me, and you're here because you died before your time Buck. That semi wasn't supposed to take you out. There were plans for you, and with you dying the plan has been messed up a bit, but he's working on a way to make it right."

Finn sat up instantly at the words 'he's working on fixing it' his mind zooming ahead, "Does that mean I get to go back to Earth and be with Rachel? Do I get to go live my life instead of being this freaking ghost? Please say yes." Finn was pleading and would have dropped to his knees if he thought it would have helped.

"Sorry Buck, that isn't happening. What's happened has happened there is no more Finn Christopher Hudson on Earth, at least the one that lived in Lima Oho. You're dead. But if you calm down and listen instead of trying to do it all on your own, then you'll know exactly what's going on, because he can't fix the past, but he can make it right in the future." Finn thought he heard the man quietly mumble under his breath, "that was always your problem growing up, you literally went head first into everything. Poor Carole."

"Why do you call me that?" Finn asked, not sure if he heard him right, still curious over the nickname.

"Call you what? Buck? I call all men I meet and don't know their name Buck." Finn watched as the Marine rubbed the back of his neck as he talked.

"Oh. I just remember every once in a while my mom would call me that, but it was because I reminded her of my dad. Guess he used to call me Buck before he died."

"No son. I didn't know you when you were little or your momma. I was assigned as your mentor when you died. So I don't know what you're talking about, but I do know you're hungry. How'd you like some pancakes, eggs and sausage? I learned to make a mean breakfast when I was in the corps." Finn watched silently as his mentor walked out of his bedroom and down the stairs, his shoes clicking on the wood. Finn sat on his bed for a few more minutes, just thinking about everything his mentor had just said, but what really stuck out was being called Buck by the man. He remembered when he was little his mom would only call him Buck if he did something that reminded her of his dad. She said that his dad called him Buck because he said Finn was his little Buckaroo. This guy must have known his mom or have watched them since he was little because he hadn't been called Buck since elementary school; since he decided in middle school he was too cool for nicknames and asked her to stop calling him that. As Finn sat there, his stomach growled for the first time in a very long time, as the smell of frying bacon filled the air.

Finn walked down the stairs to be greeted by a large pile of pancakes with bacon and eggs on a side plate. He sat down in what had always been his spot at the table and loaded the pancakes with maple syrup and butter. The first bite was heaven, since it had been so long since he had eaten or tasted anything. He held back the moan that wanted to escape when he bit into the light pancakes and the salty bacon. Not bothering with manners, Finn wolfed down the meal and when he was finished, sat back, his stomach pleasantly full and he was suddenly tired. He hadn't felt tired in long time and his bed upstairs was now calling him.

As he walked upstairs, he started to hear the beginning of sobs again. Upon entering his room the sobs became louder, more heart wrenching and totally Rachel. She was heartbroken and Finn could feel her sadness throughout the room, and warmth spread from spot on his forehead throughout his body. It was so much that his head hurt and he lay down and curled up into a ball, trying to get the crying to stop, but it only seemed to get louder. As he covered his ears, he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was his mentor, standing there and looking very confused. "What's wrong Finn?"

"Can't you hear that?" Finn said, his eyes scrunched together, his hands covering his ears trying to deaden the sound of the sobs

Finn watched his mentor look around, "Hear what son? It's dead quiet in here."

"Rachel's crying. She sobbing and her heart hurt so much that I can even feel it. I just want it to stop; I want her to stop hurting." Finn could feel the tears start to come down his face and as he folded his arms over his chest protectively. As he laid on the bed, crying and hurting for Rachel, he felt the bed dip and then a hand on his back, lightly rubbing his spine in a hesitant but comforting manner. Finn felt his body relax as the crying started to lessen and the comfort of his mentor's hand on this back.

Finn woke up with a start, confusion buzzing through his brain. As he looked around his familiar room, everything from before came back to him. This time instead of waiting, he got up and ran downstairs, calling out for his mentor, who didn't have a name, he realized. Finally after the second search of the house, Finn found him sitting in his father's chair in the living room.

nd and leaned over kissing her head, whispering, "You're my best friend Rachel. I love you." She watched him walk back to his SUV and get in, turning the heat on.

"Don't sit there." Finn deadpanned

"What?"

"I said don't sit there. That's my dad's chair and no one gets to sit there, and even if that's not the real chair, you still can't sit there." Finn could hear the agitation in his own voice, but no one sat in his dad's chair but his mom when she was really missing his dad. Finn watched as the man got up slowly, with his hands in front of him, in an okay gesture.

Finn kept standing in the archway, agitated, "You know, I don't have a name for you other than mentor or dude. So do you have a name that I can call you? "

His mentor seemed to stop and think for a moment before answering, "Dan. You can call me Dan if that helps. So I went and did some research and talked to the man to get a clearer picture of what I was supposed to do exactly with you, and now that I know my mission, I'm ready to proceed with you."

"Wait a minute, I'm not some experiment or project. I'm a person. You can't just go messing with me!" Finn's voice was wavering with fear. He wasn't an experiment. All he wanted was to get back to Rachel, and he couldn't.

Finn felt the same soothing feeling come over him like before as soon as Dan put his hand on his shoulder, and as Finn looked into Dan's eyes, he felt instantly at ease, "How about you let me explain then before letting fear overtake you, okay Buck?"

All Finn could do was nod and sit down on the couch, as Dan started to explain.


	10. Prom, Lights and Stars

"…ninety-eight, ninety-nine, two hundred. Good job Finn. You did those in record time. Go rest for a few before you go for your run. See you in ten." Finn leaned back on his elbows as Dan patted his knees and walked upstairs to the kitchen, leaving Finn on his own in the basement/workout room. He grabbed a bottle of water and chugged it, not caring if all the water got into his mouth or not. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Finn stood up and walked over to the bench press and just sat down. He was tired, and he really wasn't looking forward to this three mile run. He understood why Dan was picked as his mentor, for his situation to be fixed he had to be peak condition, so a former Marine made an excellent mentor, but damn if he wasn't hard.

It really sucked that he couldn't tell how long he had been doing this training, because in his mind it had only been a few weeks, but he knew much more time had passed for Rachel. Was she still in high school, was it summer vacation, or had she already started college? Finn sighed as he let his head fall into his hands as he let the memories of Rachel flood his mind. Rachel talking to his grandma, telling his mom how much he missed her, slapping him, his tears streaming down her face, kissing her senseless, taking her over, saving her from the McKinley goons, listening to her sing and realizing how much he loved her, her naked body writhing under him as they made love. All those memories kept him going for whatever the plan was for Finn to return. He just knew the basics and not the specifics, since Dan said it was best that way.

Sure enough, as the clock ticked off the tenth minute, Dan came back down with that damned stopwatch and looked at the treadmill. Finn groaned in response. He really hated the damned treadmill. He could do the sit-ups, push-ups, chin-ups, climb the rope, scale the walls and everything else, but he hated the treadmill. Running was boring, and he had to run three miles twice a day, with improving times each time. Begrudgingly he stood up and walked over to the treadmill and straddled the belt, waiting for his directions. "Today, you are going to simulate having to go into a sprint immediately and keep it up as long as you can. I'm going to time you and your goal now is to prolong you sprint every time. Your eighteen minute three mile run is acceptable, so now we need to work on your sprinting. I promise not to make you sprint three miles, but if you can sprint for a mile, that would be outstanding. So I'm starting the belt off at an eight, and if you know you can run faster, move it up. Understand?"

"Yes sir. I'm to sprint until I want to pass out. Right?"

"You got it Buck, now get going." Finn jumped on the belt and started his sprint. Sprinting was different than the long runs, he already wanted to hack up his lungs after just a few minutes, but he kept going. When his legs finally died and he jumped back onto the sides, he looked at Dan expectantly and heard him click his tongue. "Only two minutes of sprint time. I'd like you to try to work up to five minutes, but we're done with training for now. Why don't you shower and we'll meet in the living room." Finn nodded and fought the urge to crawl up the stairs and to the bathroom. After a hot, long, steamy bath to relax his achy muscles, Finn grabbed a pair of shorts and a polo shirt. One thing Finn did enjoy about this in-between place is that he got to change his clothes. No more red jersey and jeans. Dan had said he got to do this so that he would get back into the habit of changing clothes. The only thing is Dan was always straightening his clothes out; tuck your shirt in flat, make sure the buttons of your shirt lines up with the button and zipper of your pants with your belt buckle lined up too, shoes are neat, with even shoe laces. Finn believed Dan had more rules about how to dress than Kurt did, and that was saying something, but he would never tell Dan that. He didn't want to argue with the Marine. He had a feeling he would have a "coming to Jesus meeting" if he did talk back to Dan, and he didn't want to experience that. Being dead was bad enough.

Finn walked into the kitchen and grabbed ingredients to make some chicken and pasta. One thing Dan had told him at the beginning is that he had to learn how to cook, so he had taught Finn the basics and then as Finn became more comfortable, gave him cookbooks to expand his repertoire. Dan walked in and put several books on the table and then sat down as he watched Finn get the meal going. "Chicken and pasta, huh?"

"Yea, I like it and I can change it up. I am learning though. Shoot all I could make when I was alive besides cold cut sandwiches was grilled cheese and anything that I just had to pop in the microwave so this is a huge improvement." Finn continued cooking and wondered why Dan kept staring at him, a lost look in his eyes. "Is something bothering you sir? I mean you keep staring at me and it's just kinda weird."

Finn watched Dan blink his eyes several times and look at him, "Sorry, just got lost in a memory. You remind me of someone I used to know, especially the way you work the kitchen. Just someone I miss."

"Oh. Sorry?" Finn felt bad for making his mentor sad, but he couldn't help that he reminded him of someone he used to know. Not wanting to upset Dan anymore, he switched subjects, "When this mistake is all fixed, am I going to remember things like you do? Will I remember my past?"

Dan shifted in his chair, instantly uncomfortable, "Well no you won't. I remember my past because I'm where I'm supposed to be. I was supposed to die in the war. I've lived the life that was expected of me, except for not really getting to be a dad. I only got to see my son once, when I was home on leave and he was just a few months old, but it wasn't in my cards to be his dad I guess, because no one tried to fix it. You though, you'll have your memories, but they'll be tucked way back in your memory. There may be some things that trigger them, but for the most part, they'll just stay in the back of your mind. You might remember them in a dream, but that will probably all they'll ever be, dreams. Same will happen with Rachel, Finn Hudson will be a memory that will be tucked back into the recesses of her mind. Essentially Finn, her memories of you will be wiped. We can't have her remembering you."

Finn sat down, stunned. He would forget Rachel and she'd forget him. That couldn't happen. They loved each other. They were connected somehow, despite the barrier of death. She was the one reason he wanted to go back to a human life, well her and his mom. "What if I don't want that? What if I need those memories of Rachel?"

"This is a non-negotiable Finn. A mistake happened, your life was cut short before everything that was supposed to happen, and now it's being fixed. You don't have a choice in what will now happen Finn. It is out of your hands and in his, and he makes these decisions. You don't question or rebuke him." Finn watched as Dan talked, a look of seriousness coming over him. Just as Finn was about to keep pushing, the timer went off, making Finn focus on his food instead of Dan. After dishing up two plates and setting one down in front of Dan and the other in his spot. Finn looked at the books that were still sitting on the table.

"What are those for?" He asked, motioning with his fork towards the stack of four or five books.

"Your homework. You need background, and these will give you some of the background you need. After you finish these and pass a test, then I'll give you some files with more specific information."

"Does that mean it's coming close to the end for me?"

"Yes it does. Everything is lining up for us to fix this mistake, so have to make sure that you're ready." Finn could see the uneasiness in Dan as he spoke, like he knew his job, but he didn't even want Finn to leave.

Finn sat there for a minute as he let all the information sink in, looking back at Dan, he straightened up and looked Dan right in the eye as he gave him his last request, "I want to see Rachel one more time before I leave. You owe me that if she isn't going to remember me or me her. I love Rachel and I want to explain that she won't see me anymore. Can I at least do that?"

"I don't know. Let me ask, and if they give us the green light, I'll get it all set up. I'll let you know tomorrow. Let's eat before the food gets cold, alright?" Finn knew Dan was finished when he leaned over his plate and stared eating like it was his last meal. Finn ate, but played with his food, his mind deep in thought. When Finn finished, Dan grabbed his plate and started cleaning the nightly dishes while Finn headed up to bed, his mind thinking about everything that had happened in the last few days. He fell into a restless sleep as his mind went back to everything he had learned.

The next week was spent with Finn reading and going through even harder training, and despite being dead, he noticed his physique changing, becoming broader in the shoulders, his torso tighter and overall more muscular. He was still Finn, but just different, even his face looked different to him; his eyes more green than brown now, his face leaner and longer, his nose smaller but still him. The changes he noticed was disconcerting but there were more important things for him to focus on, like the prom he got okayed to attend. The only kicker was that he would have to tell Rachel that she would never see him again, and that was going to absolutely kill him, despite him being dead.

Finally the day arrived for the prom. Dan had assured him that Rachel was going and that he would easily blend in without alarming anyone that he was there. Finn had showered and shaved, noticing that his whiskers were taking on more of a reddish hue than they used to. As Finn left the bathroom and entered his room, he saw a garment bag hanging from his closet door and spit shined shoes sitting below them. As Finn walked over to get the bag, he looked down and literally saw his reflection in his shoes. "That's what you get when you have a Marine getting you ready, the best damned shined shoes you could own. And those aren't spit shined like you're thinkin' they're fire shined." Finn jumped at Dan's voice from behind him. Turning around, he saw Dan standing there in his formal dress uniform, minus his cap and gloves. "Get dressed and if you need help with anything, let me know. I left cufflinks and a tie pin on the bureau." Dan turned sharply on his heels and left, closing the door softly behind him.

Finn quickly got dressed and a deep midnight blue tux, one of those that depending on the light could look black or navy blue depending on the light. His shirt was a snowy white with a long formal tie in matching white with gold threads through it, making the tie almost twinkle in the light. As Finn grabbed the cufflinks and tie tack, he called for Dan, but not for help. When the Marine entered, Finn looked at him, a question in his eyes, "Why are the cufflinks the Marine symbol? I've never been a Marine."

Finn watched Dan shift his weight, looking slightly uncomfortable, a first since Finn had met him, "Well, your father was a Marine, and something tells me that he would have given you something similar on your prom night to wear if he was alive, and I'm pretty positive your mom would have. "

"So why is the tie tack two crossed axes?" Finn had no idea what that stood for.

"I don't know. That was what was given me when I got the tux. Just put it on Finn and finish up. If you want to get to this dance on time and spend as much time with Rachel before you say goodbye. And since this is the last time you'll get to see Rachel, I'm going to let you be solid. No hiding to reappear. You will truly be at prom and no one will realize who you are but Rachel, you'll just remind people of someone. I can at least give you that." Finn smiled at his unexpected gift and hurriedly fixed his hair the best he could and checked himself in the mirror on the back of his door before coming out to Dan holding a flower.

"Dude, you shouldn't of. Does this mean we're like going steady now or something?" Finn asked cheekily as he took the boutonniere from Dan and pinned it to his lapel. It was a deep red rose that had an intoxicating scent.

"Shut up Finn. Let's just say, this is something Rachel would have picked out if she knew you were going to be there, and I also have a corsage for her, so get it and go out the front door, will ya?" Finn grinned as he watched Dan straighten the flower and hand Finn a box with a gold ribbon wrapped around it. As Finn came to the front door, he put his hand on the doorknob, wondering what was on the other side. For the entire time he had been in his old house, he had never seen the front door open, and had often wondered what was on the other side. As he opened the door slowly, he was met with the sound of music and people talking, and the further he opened it, he saw students in formal dress walking around the decorated gym of McKinley. He had literally just walked out of his house and into prom.

He looked around at the how the gym had been turned into a garden with lights hanging from the ceiling like stars, fresh flowers and trees in pots creating the feeling of a garden or park as well as a running fountain and even soft park lights. As Finn looked down at the floor, he saw his shadow stretching out in front of him. He was solid, just like Dan had said. As he stood there, looking at everything, he saw Kurt and Blaine sitting at a table marked reserved, Tina and Mike dancing on the floor, Artie was wheeling Brittany around in circles, and Quinn and Sam were campaigning for prom royalty while Santana was sitting with Puck but staring at Brittany. But he didn't see her. Rachel was nowhere to be seen, and Dan had promised she would be there. As he walked towards the edge of the gym, like he did for the Halloween dance, he saw his mom out of the corner of his eye. Turning to face her, he saw his mom dressed in a beautiful dress with a huge smile on her face. Where was Burt? Why wasn't he escorting his mom? Finn's questions were quickly answered when he saw Burt come in, wearing a black tux with his always present baseball cap. Finn hid his chuckle when he could hear Kurt groan in frustration over his dad's head gear.

When he looked again, he saw that Burt had someone on his arm, Rachel. Finn's jaw dropped. He had never seen someone so beautiful and glowing. She looked classic and timeless with her hair in large curls gathered at the nape of her neck, and small jewels nested in the curls making her hair sparkle. Her dress was a deep red, truly reminding Finn of the color of blood, the color of life. The top was ruched in a way that it covered her breasts in an x shape and making a halter around her neck. Another wide strip of fabric was ruched around her waist, flowing straight down into a column, a slit to her mid-thigh allowing her to walk in what looked like the highest pair of gold stiletto sandals Finn had ever seen. She looked like heaven and hell all wrapped up in the woman that he loved.

Rachel sat in the cafeteria listening to Kurt go on and on how she had ditched all the social events of the year since she had broken up with Jesse. She wished Kurt would just drop it, but he knew he wouldn't. He had pitched a fit when she said she wasn't going to the winter formal, but understood. He tried kidnapping her to Sugar Motta's Valentine party at Breadstix, but she walked out as soon as she saw the red decorations. She feigned allergies and not wanting to mess up her voice for her NYADA audition to not attend the Spring Fling, but she had run out of excuses. She couldn't tell Kurt the real reason was because there was no Finn, and nothing really meant anything if Finn wasn't there. She missed his cool touch and those shining eyes sparkling as they watched over her. She missed how protected she had always felt with him whether it was in his arms or just knowing that he was there. It wasn't going to happen though. There hadn't been any sign of Finn since October, and she doubted he would be back again. Letting out a sigh, she shook her head of her thoughts and refocused on Kurt and the daily drama that was McKinley's cafeteria.

Rachel watched as Quinn and Sam campaigned for senior prom queen and king throughout the cafeteria. The buttons and cookies and posters that were all over the school, not to mention the stupid little jingle they had created and bribed the AV Club to play during passing period was driving Rachel insane. Who did Quinn think she was anyway? She had cheated on Finn when he was alive and then milked the left behind girlfriend after he died until her cheating had been exposed by Finn going poltergeist on her and Sam. Yet the blond ice queen had still somehow turned it so that no one knew of her cheating ways and that Sam had been so sympathetic towards her loss that she had fallen for him. Rachel always wanted to gag whenever she heard that story, and that was something since she didn't have a gag reflex. Instead refocused on Kurt and Blaine and their discussions on prom, but the annoying blond duo was always in the corner of her eye.

When she saw them come towards her table, Rachel felt her back stiffen, praying that they wouldn't stop at her table. She didn't know what she would do. She hadn't seen Finn since Halloween and now it was the end of the year and her heart was just decimated. The pain of his absence was constantly present, even though she had focused on NYADA and her future, she never forgot Finn; unlike his two-timing girlfriend. When she saw Ken and Barbie stop right behind her, she closed her eyes and took what should have been a calming breath, until Quinn spoke, "Well Kurt, Blaine, and um Rachel, here are some buttons to remember to vote for Sam and I for prom king and queen. It's a fact that prom royalty lives six months longer than those that aren't."

That was it. Rachel slammed her hands down on the table, making the plastic trays rattle and let out the calming breath she had been holding, "That's it!" She stood and turned towards the Cheerio and Bieber wanna-be. "I have watched you, Quinn, be an absolute two timing, hypocritical bitch since last year. You and Sam are as fake as your spray on tans! You think you're this virginal perfect girl with the looks and the boyfriend, but you aren't. You cheated on your first boyfriend while he was alive and then after he was killed you put on the grieving girlfriend act to gain sympathy all the while you were banging Bieber here! That's right McKinley, your Barbie and Ken didn't just recently start going out, they were together before Finn even died. She just tried to milk your sympathy. Why don't you ask Sam how he got fired from the pizza place at the mall." Rachel was looking at everyone sitting there in stone silence, but turned back to Quinn, "You never cared for Finn; you just used him because he was the most popular guy in school and he was a good guy who thought the best of everyone, including you! I don't give a damn about prom royalty because it's just a fake title for fake people, but for you to say you deserve it because you're a good person is just wrong. So guess what Quinn, I don't give a damn about prom royalty because it's just a fake title for fake people, but for you to say you deserve it because you're a good person is just wrong. So guess what Quinn, you don't have my vote. I'm giving mine to Becky Jackson; she deserves it, even if she is Coach Sylvester's cronies." Rachel hadn't realized she was yelling until she stopped talking and heard just how quiet the normally loud cafeteria had become. Looking around at all the enraptured faces, Rachel took the opportunity of an audience and did her infamous diva storm out, followed closely by Kurt and Blaine.

Rachel rushed into the nearest girl's bathroom with her two friends close behind. "Guys, this is the girl's room."

"And your point would be? I'm always in here and Blaine goes where I go so… Anyway Rachel, that was like the most epic bitch out I have ever seen. Quinn obviously pissed in your Cheerios. You trashed Quinn, defended Finn and gave Becky a boost all in one speech. That was being a true diva honey." Rachel smiled as Kurt praised her. "Speaking of prom though, Blaine and I have our plans set, what about you? That was what I was talking about before Quinn interrupted. You are going, aren't you Rachel? It's our senior prom and we only get one. You can't ditch this. It is the social event of the year."

At his question, she started playing with buttons on her shirt, not wanting to answer. She didn't want to go to prom if she couldn't be with Finn. "I don't have a date Kurt, and I'm not going by myself. It just wouldn't feel right. I'd just rather stay home or maybe go see a show in Dayton or Toledo." She didn't look at Kurt while she answered. She knew he would try to persuade her and unfortunately, he and Blaine were both experts at sad puppy dog eyes and pouty lips. When she did look up, both boys had the full effect going.

"Come on Rachel, besides, Kurt and I need the most beautiful and talented singer in all of McKinley's history on our arms for the night, and there is only one girl that fits that bill, you. Please come to prom with us. Be our date. We can take turns dancing and we can all sing a song together at the dance. Come on Rachel. Besides, Kurt has already been working on the most gorgeous gown for you, so you have to come to prom with us. It'll be our last hurrah as the three musketeers. Please?" She swore that Blaine's eyes had gotten three times larger, reminding her of a Precious Moments figurine. Even though there would be no Finn, both boys were right, and giving a shy nod and a small giggle, she was enveloped immediately in hugs from both boys.

The next two weeks were spent at Kurt's after school being pinned, pricked and cursed at while he worked on her gown, a blood red Grecian goddess gown with a Kurt Hummel twist, as he liked to call it. "Ouch! Kurt, I swear to Barbra if you prick my neck one more time, I'm going shred every single copy of your Vogue magazines! I have more holes in me than that Goth boy that has a frequent customer card for the tattoo shop."

"Does he really? That's just gross."

"Yes he does. He was bragging about it during physics. Anyway. Are you almost done? I have to go get my manicure and pedicure for tomorrow." Rachel stood still, but she was antsy. It was like there was something in the air that she knew was there, but couldn't put her finger on it, and she didn't like surprises, but she liked feeling like a pin cushion even more.

"Voila! My masterpiece is finished, and you look stunning Rachel." Kurt pulled the sheet he had covered his full length mirror off and Rachel gasped at the sight before her. The ruching and cut accentuated her curves and turned her from a simple high school girl, to a sophisticated and classic beauty.

"Oh my god Kurt. I'm speechless. I love this so much. I'm so glad you talked me into going to prom!" Rachel jumped off the podium and grabbed him into a hug only to be pushed away and reminded of the gown and no wrinkling.

The next day was prom and Kurt had allowed Rachel to have her hair and makeup done at her normal salon since he would be very busy getting himself ready for the big event. As Rachel sat in the chair and tuned out her beautician's babbling, she thought of how Finn and Kurt would have been as brothers. Finn was so easy going and a bit goofy while Kurt was very fastidious and high strung. She could picture the two of them constantly teasing each other, but having each other's back. Melancholy washed over her as she thought of all the things Finn had missed in life. As she looked in them mirror, she saw the Marine again, standing behind her, but she when she looked again, he was gone. What did he want?

The sight of the Marine had unsettled Rachel, but she wasn't going to dwell on it. This was her senior prom and even though she wouldn't be there with the man she loved, she was going to have fun. She was going with her best friends. After she was done at the salon, she took off to Kurt's to finish getting ready and to relax and maybe forget for a bit.

After all the fun of getting ready with Kurt and Blaine and all the pictures that all the parents had taken, all three were surprised by the limo that had pulled up in front of the house. "Well, we thought you three should go to prom in style. Carole and I will be following in the car, so no monkey business son. They aren't blacked out windows, so I can see in." Burt said as he tried to hide his blush and Kurt tried to find a place to hide in embarrassment only making Carole, Rachel and her dads burst out laughing.

As the trio walked out to the limo, Carole stopped Rachel for a second and pulled the petite girl into a loving hug. "I wish I could be walking Finn out to his limo tonight, but I'm so glad I get to do it for you. It's sad that you and Finn didn't know each other when he was alive. I think you two would have gotten along. I really miss him." Rachel knew Carole was holding back her tears from the sound of her voice.

Pulling back, Rachel looked at Carole, wanting to tell her that she and Finn did get along very well, but knew she couldn't. Instead, she just leaned in and hugged the older woman hard. "Even though it wasn't the best circumstances that brought us together, I'm glad that I can say you are the most important woman in my life. You're the mom that I never had." Rachel kissed Carole's cheek and walked to the limo, fighting to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

The limo ride was fun. The three teens sang as loud as they could to all the songs on the radio and at one point Blaine had pulled himself through the sun roof of the limo and was singing Katy Perry songs at the top of his lungs, earning giggles from inside the limo. When they came to McKinley, Kurt and Blaine jumped out and headed inside immediately while Carole quickly followed, leaving Rachel still in the limo and Burt parking the car. As she got out and started towards the entrance, she was shocked to feel someone take her arm and saw Burt link her arm with his, "You're the closest I have to a daughter and since I won't get to walk you down the aisle, this is the closest I'll get. May I have the honor of escorting you into your prom?"

Rachel couldn't hide her smile for the sweet man. She linked her arm with his and placed a kiss on his cheek and quickly rubbed the lipstick off of his cheek. Walking into the transformed gym on Burt's arm made her feel like a movie star at Oscars. As they came to their table, her eyes were drawn to a man standing near the edge of the gym holding a box with a gold ribbon, his bright eyes never leaving her. She had never seen him before, she knew he didn't go to McKinley and there was no way he was a teenager, his body was much more filled out and masculine than any of the senior boys, his closely cropped dark brown hair had a coppery tinge to it, freckles scattered along his nose and apple of his cheeks. His eyes those, even though they were a very distinct color, they were still very familiar to her, like she had seen them before, but she just couldn't place them.

As she sat down a squeal came from Kurt's mouth, "Oh Rachel. I'm so glad you came because when you entered the gym, all eyes were on you. I even saw Quinn elbow Sam in the ribs. You are stunning, and all I did was have your outside match your inside. Now Blaine and I are going to dance since he's bouncing in his seat to the Katy Perry song, but you're next sweetheart." Rachel laughed as Blaine pulled Kurt onto the dance floor, but her laugh faded as she watched to two snuggle together and sway to the music. Rachel rested her head on her propped hands and watched the dancers sway and twirl around the floor, whispering into each other's ears, laughing and stealing kisses. She let out a sigh wishing that was her, but knew better.

She continued to stare at the happy couples until a shadow fell over her. She looked up and saw the man she had noticed when entered standing beside her, a crooked smile that ended in dimples a sparkle in his eyes that she saw were flecked with green. A smile she knew well. "Finn?!"

"My wee star," he held out his arms as she jumped up and threw herself into his arms, relaxing instantly as his strong arms engulfed her and his very Finn smell washed over her. He was still cool to the touch, but not nearly what he used to be. All she could do was snuggle closer as she felt him nuzzle her behind her ear and whisper, "Hey, can we go someplace a little more private. If we stay like this Burt may go all dad with a shotgun on me and I don't want to have to try to explain myself right now. I just want to spend as much time as I can with you." Rachel didn't think twice before intertwining their fingers and pulling him out of the dance and towards the auditorium.

When they entered the deserted auditorium she went to turn on the stage lights and peeked from behind the curtains at him, a smirk graced his face as she watched him lithely walk towards the stage, "Why do I think the auditorium will always be "our" place?" He whispered as he placed his hands on her waist and pulled her towards him.

"Because it is. It's the first place I felt you, I just didn't realize it. The day Figgins gathered us here to tell us of your death, I had this strange feeling as I held Kurt's hand and kept looking towards the back expecting to see something, but never did. It wasn't until being with you a few times that I realized that feeling was because you were there. There's this cool tingling sensation that breezes over my skin whenever you're in the room. I had it that day, and every day since then when you are near me, and I've missed it so much Finn. You have no idea." Rachel could feel tears pooling in her eyes, but she didn't get a chance shed them as he took his finger and tipped her chin up and placed a kiss on her lips that was so intimate, full of love, longing, and a deep connection that all she could do was wrap her arms around him and hold him closer as she responded in kind.

When she broke the kiss for air, she looked into his eyes and as his warm voice soothed her, "I do Rach. I've done nothing but think of you and miss you for all this time. I heard every time you cried over me, and felt your pain. All I wanted to do was come back here and take you in my arms, but I couldn't. No matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn't be with you, but I am for right now and I'm going to make the most of it."

She sighed happily, knowing he was missing her as much as she had missed him, "But you're here now."

"Yes I am." When she looked up at him again, his lips met hers, his tongue pushing into her mouth, an urgency about his kiss that left her breathless. When they broke apart, she was lifted into his arms as he moved her to the backstage and again to the bed. He laid her down carefully, like she was delicate and fragile, even arranging the pillows behind her, kissing her with feather light kisses as he did. His fingers skimmed over her body, like he was trying to memorize it as his lips skimmed her exposed skin. Despite how good he was making her feel, Rachel knew something was up.

As his lips found a particularly sensitive part of her neck near her hairline, through her moan she called for him, "Finn. Uhhhhh. Finn stop we need to talk. Please baby." She felt his lips leave her immediately and the bed shift as he sat back and searched her eyes with his. "What's going on Finn? I know we haven't seen each other in a long time, but there's still something different, so what gives? Whatever it is we'll get through it together, I help you and you help me, right?" She searched his eyes for something, but all she saw was longing and hurt. Why was he feeling hurt?

The bed moved as he moved closer to her and she nuzzled his hand when he cupped her face to keep her looking at him, "I'm leaving Rachel, and not for months again but for good. They've found a way to fix the mistake of me dying so early in my life. I won't be coming back to you ever again. My mentor had to pull some strings just to let me come here tonight to be with you. This is my goodbye."

The word goodbye brought Rachel out of her Finn induced trance, her heart rushing at the mere thought of never seeing or being with Finn again. "Wh- What do you mean goodbye? No Finn. Not after everything. It isn't fair. It isn't fair. We're meant to be like Romeo and Juliet, Tony and Maria, Capt. VonTrapp and Maria. I- I'll search for you. I will look for you so we can be together Finn. This can't goodbye. I've been by myself because no one is you. You are the only one for me Finn. You and only you." She was beating her fists against his chest, sobs overtaking her as her heart started to break yet again. She felt Finn push her away from him and pull her chin so that she was forced to look at him.

"Rachel, it's done. There is nothing you or I can do to change it. That was made very clear to me when I had tried to argue that we belong together. Who are you going to search for? Finn Hudson? He's dead, remember. I wish I could tell you more, but, because I don't even know. You just have to promise me that you'll forget me and go on with your life. You're meant to be a star Rach. You're meant to make the world smile and be happy. You need to forget about me and show NYADA and Broadway and the world what a true shining star is. You deserve the world and the world deserves you." His voice was so soft but so full of emotion that Rachel wanted to break.

As she cried she felt his arms around her bringing her as close to him as possible. "I still think that I can find you Finn, be with you. You know I don't give up, but for now I promise. I promise to be the star you believe I am. S- s- so what's going to happen? How are they fixing this?" She didn't want to hear the answer, but knew she needed to. To make sure he was going to be alright.

"I'm coming back to earth, and that is literally all I know. Dan's been training me for this, and he says the time is coming close. I could have not come back Rachel and just left you with the memories of when we made love at the Halloween dance, but I couldn't. I've missed you so much, and you deserved a goodbye from me, and maybe a last dance too." She could hear the smile before she saw it when he talked about dancing.

Releasing a sigh she looked back up at him, his love for her evident in his eyes and smile, "You know I don't like this right. I hate it in fact, but I also know I can't change it, but I will look for you Finn Hudson. I will search for you on this Earth until I find you. You know that right?"

"I know Rach. You are too stubborn not too, but for now, I just want to be with you, and only you." His lips met hers in another kiss, this one searing and possessive. His tongue swept into her mouth, taking possession of her and then retreating allowing her to do the same to him. Even though it was his goodbye, he was letting her say it to. It just made another thing about Finn Hudson that Rachel loved.

She felt his cool hands reach behind her neck and felt the clasp of her halter come undone, then his cool fingers skim her shoulders as he pulled the halter and the front of her dress down slowly. She wasn't sure what he was going to do, but the touch of his fingertips and the cool breath escaping his lips set every one of her nerves on end, waiting in anticipation of what Finn was going to do. She felt his lips skim her skin placing kisses intermittently until he reached the swell of her left breast, right above her heart. "I can feel your heart under my lips. I love your heartbeat. It's been the rhythm that I listen for to know where you're at. Your heart will always be mine," she felt and heard him murmur against her breast before she felt a delicious soft bite and suction on the skin as his hands played with her exposed breasts. All she could do while he loved on her was hold his head to her, playing with his hair and scraping his scalp, earning guttural moans from him that made her smile. Finally she couldn't take his lips not being attached to hers and pulled him up and attached her lips to his and kept him to her until her lungs screamed for air. When they finally pulled away, her breathing a haggard pant while Finn kept placing soft kisses over her face. As he touched her exposed breast, she felt a tenderness right above it.

"You gave me a hickey?" she couldn't quite believe that on their last night together Finn would give her something so common and base.

She heard a bit of embarrassment in his voice when he answered, "Yea. I wanted to mark you as mine. To let anyone know that your heart belongs to me. I know it won't last, but we'll know it was there and what it meant. I know you don't like it, but I don't care, because your heart will always be mine."

"I promise my heart will always belong to you Finn." Rachel couldn't keep the tears out of her voice as she declared herself to Finn. She couldn't keep the tears back as she felt Finn bring her halter back up and secure it around her neck again, and placed a kiss against her neck one last time.

"I want to dance with you before I go. I can feel that I'm leaving very soon, so let's go." All she could do was grab hold of his offered hand and let him lead her back to the gym and the dance floor. She knew as she followed him to the gym, that she would follow him anywhere if he would let her. As they made their way towards the far edge of the gym where it was dimly lit by just twinkle lights, he twirled her into his arms as she embraced him and rested her head on his chest, hearing a faint beat, something she had never heard before. The rough deep voice of Bryan Adams harmonized with Finn's in her ear as he sang, "I'll Always Return." _I hear the wind call your name, It calls me back home again, It sparks up the fire - a flame that still burns, Oh it's to you I'll always return, I still feel your breath on my skin, I hear your voice deep within, The sound of my lover - a feeling so strong, It's to you - I'll always belong, Now I know it's true, My every road leads to you, And in the hour of darkness darlin', Your light gets me through, Wanna swim in your river - be warmed by your sun, Bathe in your waters - cos you are the one, I can't stand the distance - I can't dream alone, I can't wait to see you - Ya I'm on my way home, Oh I hear the wind call your name. The sound that leads me home again, It sparks up the fire - a flame that still burns, Oh, it's to you - I will always return. _By the end of the song, both she and Finn were in tears, neither dancing but gripping onto the other for dear life, terrified to let the other go.

She could feel him before she dared to look behind Finn, but the Marine, the one that she had seen on and off was standing there, his face grim and even a bit sad. She pulled back slightly as the Marine advanced and placed a white gloved hand on Finn's shoulder and said in a soft, sad voice, "It's time Finn. We need to go to the roof now."

Finn's grip on her tightened as he turned in desperation to the Marine, "Please Dan, just a few more minutes. Please."

"I'm sorry Buck. It's either you come willingly or I do it with force. I don't want to do it with force." Rachel could feel the tension in Finn's shoulders leave as he allowed them to slump in almost defeat. He didn't say a word to her as he gripped her hand tightly and pulled her to the door near them that lead them to the stairs that went to the gymnasium roof. As Finn pushed the door open to the roof, there stood the Marine again, appearing on the roof, a box in his hand and a very sad look on his face.

"Any minute now Finn. A golden light will appear and all you have to do is walk into it. All of this mess will be fixed."

"What if I don't want it to be fixed? I love Rachel with all my heart. I don't want to leave her Dan."

"There isn't a choice Finn. And there's something I need to tell you before the light appears. My na-"

"Rachel, what are you doing up here? Oh my god. Finn?" All three of us turned and saw Carole standing at the door, her hand covering her mouth in shock as she could actually see Finn standing there, holding me in his arms tightly. She must have seen the door to the stairs open. Her eyes were wide with shock as she took a tentative step towards everyone, but then her eyes squinted in concentration as she looked at Finn's Marine, and then widened in recognition. "Chris? Is it really you?" Rachel watched as Carole rushed past her son and grabbed the Marine into a hug. "Oh my god Chris it's really you!" Tears were falling down her cheeks as she hugged Chris to her.

Finally Finn spoke up, "Mom? This is Dan." Rachel watched Carole turn; suddenly realizing her dead son was standing in front of her and grabbed him to bring him into a three-way hug.

"Honey, this is your father, Christopher Daniel Hudson." Finn's mouth dropped open in shock as he just looked at who he now knew was his father. As he was about to say something, a golden light appeared next to Rachel. The light that was going to take Finn away from her. The look on all of our faces must have clued Carole into that this wasn't a happy time as she asked, "What's going on?"

Finn answered, "I'm leaving mom. Since I've died, Rachel has been able to see me, talk to me, feel me and help me. I love her Mom, but my dying at sixteen wasn't right, so now it's getting fixed. I have to go into this light to fix my death, but just not as Finn Hudson. I love you mom. You did such a good job raising me on your own. You're the best. And I'm so glad you're happy with Burt. You deserve to be happy. Love you mom." She watched as Finn held his mom in the tenderest hug she had ever seen and place a kiss on her lips, reverting back into the little boy that she knew Carole always thought of him as.

"Finn, you need to go now. You can't miss this light." Chris Hudson said an edge of hurry in his voice.

Finn ignored him as he walked over to Rachel, and picked her up and kissed her like there was no tomorrow, because there wasn't for them. "Remember my wee star. I love you, and I know you love me, but don't give up on your life because I'm not in it anymore. Your heart will always be mine, but your talent belongs to everyone, so live out your dream. I love you Rachel Barbra Berry."

AS he sat her down and started toward the light beside her, Rachel grabbed his hand for one last time, "I love you Finn Christopher Hudson. Even though I wasn't with you when you were alive, I am eternally grateful I got to know you after your death. You have my heart." Rachel's face became warm with her tears as she watched Finn walk into the light, disappearing instantly along with the light.

He was gone. Finn was no longer there. She couldn't feel him. She looked over at where Carole stood with tears matching Rachel's and Chris, Finn's father, stood holding the box with the gold ribbon that Finn had earlier. She watched Chris whisper something in Carole's ear and then the older woman leave quietly, her tears drying up. When it was just her and Chris on the roof, he walked over to Rachel, the box held out to her.

"Finn got this for you. Please open it."

"You lied to him this entire time. You know all he ever wanted to do was live up to his dad, right?"

"I know. I've watched Carole and Finn since the day I died. When Finn was killed, I immediately went to be his mentor. If I couldn't be with him as he grew up, I could at least be there for him and his second chance, and I'm so glad I got to be with him for that time. I have an awesome son."

"Yes you do. What's in this box?" Chris didn't answer, but just nudged it as Rachel held it. As her hand trembled, she untied the gold ribbon and lifted the lid, revealing a perfect cream rose corsage with a necklace wrapped around it. As she pulled it out, the necklace sparkled in the waning sunlight. The necklace was tiny stars attached to each other to form a chain necklace. A piece of folded paper was on the bottom of the box; opening it up, she read, "A necklace of wee stars for my wee star. You won't remember me after this, but I hope you remember whenever you wear this necklace that it was given to you by someone that loves you with all of his heart. Love for eternity, Finn." Rachel felt the hot tears again, but also the coolness of the white gold stars against her skin. She looked behind her to see Chris standing there, the crooked Hudson grin on his face.

"When I count to ten Rachel, you won't remember any of this, not me. Not Finn. You'll have the necklace and the rose, but nothing else. Your memories will be very hazy. Carole won't remember any of this either. Just know that Finn loves you. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." At one everything went black for Rachel.


	11. Only In My Dreams

**A/N: OK I don't do many a/n's but I need to this for chapter. It is short for a reason, it is the bridge between the first half and the second half of the story. I've never had to do something like this before for a fic, so please be kind. I hope this works.**

Despite taking Melatonin, doing relaxing yoga, taking a warm bath with lavender oil for relaxation, and even drinking warm milk Rachel was still tossing and turning in bed, her body in a fitful sleep. Ever since prom, Rachel's sleep had become anything but restful, despite falling asleep every night. From what she learned from her fathers and her former dorm mates, she was constantly tossing, turning and writhing on her bed; sometimes yelling or mumbling in her sleep, talking to someone in her dreams. Despite waking up from sleep, she never felt rested, often feeling like she had just run several miles or done a complete run through of a play.

It was only October and she now had the dorm to herself since all three of her dorm mates had moved out due to her sleeping habits. Everything was fine during the day, and as they got ready for bed, but when Rachel fell asleep all hell broke loose according to her former dorm mates. Rachel would toss and turn, often grunting and moaning as she did, throwing her comforter off of her. On top of that, she would talk or yell in her sleep, often muffled non-distinct words. Every once in a while she would let out a rather pleasurable scream causing her roommates to cover their heads with their pillows, not wanting to hear her ecstasy. One of them, Samantha, had the gall to tell her one morning after a particularly bad night, that Rachel was a "screamer" when she had an orgasm, and having done it twice in one night, caused Samantha to wake up and lose a lot of sleep. The worst part for Rachel though was the fact she didn't remember anything from the dreams outside of visual fragments, and the only one that really stayed with her in her waking hours were emotive whiskey eyes. She could never remember anything else though.

Tonight appeared to be the beginning of another active night with Rachel tossing and turning, throwing her comforter onto the floor, but not even waking from the coolness of the dorm room. That was another reason Rachel kept losing dorm mates, she kept the thermostat set at, as one described it, "Arctic freezer level" at all times, and to top it off a fan would blow or the window was cracked so there was a constant breeze on top of the frigid temperature. At the beginning when it was the hot and sweltering month of August, there was no problem with being frozen, but as the months progressed and the temperatures cooled off, the frigid temperatures that Rachel kept the dorm wasn't appreciated but she would ignore their complaints. For Rachel, she was comfortable and more at ease when she felt a soft breeze at cooler temperatures. The warmer the room was, the more anxious she became fearing that something bad would happen.

As the cool breeze swept over her and her tossing and turning slowed down to where she was still, her breathing became rapid and shallow, and if she still had a roommate, they would have heard her utter a single breathy word, "Finn."

* * *

_Rachel was at the center of the field, standing on the red M for McKinley, going through her sound check for her performance of the National Anthem and McKinley's school song for the night's football game. Everything had to be perfect, that was the hallmark of a Rachel Berry performance, so she had dragged Jacob Ben Israel out to the field after school to make sure the outdoor stadium's sound system was up to her high expectations. Rachel stood on the red M, her large pink hat protecting her from the sun as she watched Jacob Ben Israel work the soundboard once again, "Rachel, my tiny songbird, I need you to start at the top again. I'm still getting feedback when you hit that high note during the anthem. Do you need any more help warming up my lovely? I'll be happy to assist you." Rachel rolled her eyes and screwed up her face in disgust at the look of teenage pornographic lust on Jacob's face. It only got worse as Jacob tried to waggle his eyebrows suggestively at her and only looked like Joan Rivers trying to show surprise. _

"_No Jacob, I'm perfectly warmed up. Just get back behind the soundboard and I'll start the beginning bars again. You do your job and I'll do mine." As she flipped on her bedazzled microphone, she noticed a blue truck pull out from behind the stadium. Not paying any more attention, she listened to the beginning notes and started to sing so Jacob could get the sound perfect. As she finished the anthem, she looked at Jacob expectantly, "No pitchiness or tinnieness for this performance Jacob. Every performance I give must be above perfection since one never knows when a talent scout of casting director may be in your audience. If for some reason that there is pitchiness or tinieness in my performance tonight, I'll tell the jocks that you took naked pictures of their girlfriends and are going to put them on your blog."_

"_You wouldn't dare. You're too nice of a person Rachel Berry." Jacob tried to call her bluff._

_Rachel scoffed at him as he looked at her expectantly, "Jacob. While you fill your life with meaningless gossip and innuendo; my singing and performing are my entire life. I will have nothing stand in my way of reaching stardom, and if I had no issue sending someone to a closed crack house, do you really think I'd have an issue with putting the jocks onto you?" She watched the faro's boy visibly gulp as he went back to his computer and soundboard, working his magic. As she worked the stand to fit her height, she saw the blue truck come back behind the stadium and a minute later a red jersey appeared behind Jacob as he messed with this computer and soundboard. Rachel pulled her hat down more and squinted to get a better look and saw Finn Hudson, number 5, the quarterback, the most popular guy at McKinley, and her best friend's dad's girlfriend's son putting his large hand on Jacob's shoulder, causing the weasely boy to jump, "Hey Jewfro, Coach Sylvester needs you. Something about if the sound and pyrotechnics aren't right for the half-time show for the Cheerios she would be removing your brain the ancient Egyptian way?"_

"_Bu- but Rachel demands perfection for her performance and I haven't yet got the sound system to perfectly enhance her singing, so I really can't…" Rachel watched as Finn Hudson did something subtly enough that caused Jacob to wince in pain, and then the large quarterback leaned down and whispered something that caused Jacob to quickly grab his laptop and take off to the practice field yelling behind him, "Rachel, my sweet, I'll be back in 30 minutes so we can continue with our sound check."_

_Rachel rolled her eyes and yelled back as she ignored Finn Hudson as he moved closer to her, "I'm not your sweet anything Jacob!" When she looked back, she saw that Finn was now just a few yards away, but since she was still annoyed at him for getting rid of Jacob, she crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot rather impatiently, "Would you care to explain why you decided to get rid of my sound boy? I need to have the sound system perfect for my performance tonight, and if it's not, you will rue the day you messed with me Finn Hudson." She shook her finger at him like she was scolding a small child, and only got a smirk in response._

_She watched warily as the quarterback walked even closer to her, giving her a one shoulder shrug as the smirk played on his lips, "I heard you sing as I drove by and I needed to know who had the voice of heaven."_

_His admission left her perplexed, he had only heard her sing a few bars from a football field away and he wanted to meet her? The perplexed look on Rachel's face must have shown "I literally heard your voice over my radio and traffic and I just had to find the person that could sing like that. I know this'll sound creepy, but even for that brief bit, your voice moved me."_

_Rachel didn't want to seem too eager to get to know Finn Hudson; he was one of the jocks that didn't care for the glee group, so she worked to appear rather unimpressed by him, as she looked over at the end zone. "You know, if you hung out with Kurt, you wouldn't need to get to know me because you already would, and you would have recognized my talent." As she finished, she looked up and he was towering directly over her, making her feel much smaller than her five foot two frame actually was, a soft smile on his face as his whiskey eyes were bright and mischievous._

"_I do hang out with Kurt, at home, and if you ever came over then we would have met, but he's always going over to your house for his spa sleepovers." She felt his cold breath on her face as he talked, just a whisper away from her. Before she could even think of a response, he had closed the gap, his eyes going from a glowing whiskey to a deep stormy green, and his lips meeting her softly in a kiss as his hands settled on her hips. His lips were cool against hers. When he pulled back, all she could do was stare into his now green eyes and whisper, "Finn." _

* * *

When the sun finally woke her up, Rachel found her comforter again on the floor, her pillow now at her feet and a cool breeze running over her skin. She sat up and huffed in annoyance at the mess her bed was in and the fact that she still felt tired. The constant restless sleep was starting to affect her and her mood. She was crabbier than usual and would find herself falling asleep for a power nap during lectures. This wasn't good for her at all, but nothing seemed to work. Rachel wanted to call Kurt for a sympathetic ear but even he was getting annoyed with her complaining about her lack of restful sleep. If she started to talk about it he would mumble something about her seeing a counselor and getting drugs.

Standing up, she grabbed her comforter off the floor and quickly made her bed and walked towards her window where she had left it cracked through the evening. She allowed the cool breeze from it wash over her, calming her frayed nerves and relaxing her, making her think that everything was going to be just fine. She looked out onto the quad and how the orange and yellows of the sunrise washed over the golden oranges of the maple tree leaves, and sighed. Despite being at her dream school in her dream city to work towards her dream career, she just didn't feel content or at peace.

Her iPhone binged that she had a new text taking her out of her thoughts. She ran over to its dock and grabbed it with the hope it was a good morning text from Kurt, instead finding a reminder text from Brody. He was reminding her that they were meeting at Crawford Theatre for lunch to run through the scene that their group was doing for midterms. A smile formed as she looked at the x's and o's following the message. Brody was a cute upperclassman whose eye she had caught. It was very flattering that he went above and beyond to make sure she was doing her best work. She had to admit she had a crush on the upperclassman, even though Kurt seemed to thoroughly despise him for some unknown reason, and she always felt like she was being unfaithful to someone. She would just shake that feeling off though, since she and Jesse had broken up the fall of their senior year.

As she finished getting ready, she heard one more bing and saw a good morning text from Kurt. Now that her morning was complete, she grabbed her bag and her purse, and she smiled at the thought of what a good day it was going to be for her as she closed the door behind her.


	12. Up on a Pole

Hanlon walked to his captain's office, trying not to rely on his cane to keep his balance, as he knocked on the frosted glass of the door and waited for acknowledgement. A gruff New York accented, "Enter," came through the door. When he entered, he stood at attention, swaying slightly, until the grey haired and bespectacled captain said he could sit. "Is this how they train you in Chicago Hanlon? Like you're in the fucking military? Sit down son. You don't need to be standing." Hanlon sat down keeping eye contact with his captain as he tried to get comfortable in the too small oak office chair for his too large of a body. "So how has New York been treating you Hanlon? I mean it sucked that you got into that accident as you were moving out here. Then you were in that coma for what, three months, and then therapy for two, but other than that, how's the FDNY been treating you?"

Hanlon instinctually reached for the angry red scar that made a path from his left eye to his ear at the mention of his accident, the only reminder he had of it for the most part besides having lost his equilibrium. He shifted in the chair to get the feeling back in his ass and felt his body start to fall forward, so he worked to correct himself as he thought carefully about what was going to be leaving his mouth, "Well sir. It's been fine. Nothing that I'm not used to. The guys have been hazing me a bit for being the only noob here, but they've taken it easy on me. I'm just anxious to get green lighted to go back to full training and get out on the aerial, sir. I really hate being a desk jockey. I wasn't cut out to be behind a desk. No offense captain."

"None taken. I hate this fucking desk too, but it comes with the title, so I don't have much say in it. Glad the hazing hasn't been too bad, especially since hazing in not condoned by FDNY. I can only imagine that a few of the pranks have been due to your accent. By the way, how in the hell does someone born and raised in Chicago still have an Irish accent?"

Hanlon rubbed the back of his neck as he thought of the best way to explain his rather un-American accent, "Well Captain, you met the Hanlon clan while I was in the hospital. They're all 'right off the boat' so to speak. My entire family lives within a three block radius of each other in Chicago and I was raised by my ma, grams and aunts, who've never lost their accents. I was also sent to Ireland for every holiday and vacation, staying with my ma's family, to keep my Irish culture, so instead of having the normal Midwestern accent, I've kept my family's brogue."

The captain just grinned, nodding in understanding, "I can understand. It's the same with the families in Little Italy, most have been here for generations, but you'd swear by their accents they were right off the boat to. I guess I'm just not used to an Irish accent, "as the captain talked he pulled something out from underneath his desk. Suddenly a plate of shortbread cookies appeared with a card and a child's drawing taped to the top. The captain cleared his throat as the Irish firefighter just looked at the plate, "These are from my granddaughter Melissa. She's my Little Miss Sunshine because she's always looking at the positive side of things. When she heard me talking about how you're finally at the firehouse now, she thought you needed a present, so she and her Granny made some shortbread for you. She said they were 'Irish' cookies. She also drew you a picture." Hanlon took the plate covered in plastic wrap with the homemade card taped to the top. A bright red brick firehouse drawn in crayon adorned the front while the inside said "Welcome Home" in a second grader's careful script. He knew his captain was watching, so he pulled the plastic wrap back and pulled out one of the cookies decorated with red sugar and took a bite. Giving a nod and a smile to his captain as he chewed, he finished the cookie and was thankful for the cup of coffee that appeared in front of him.

The captain's gruff voice carried over Hanlon's chewing as he asked, "They're a bit dry, aren't they?" Hanlon just looked at his captain as he gulped the acrid liquid, not wanting to say either yes or no, while wishing there was some cream in the strong coffee. "Don't worry, you won't offend me, and I'll tell Miss Sunshine that you loved them. They taste great, just dry as can be. She's learning to make them on her own and my wife said she was adamant about making these all by herself. So there you go, handmade cookies by Melissa. I do recommend though that you dip them in your coffee. They'll go down easier." Hanlon smiled as he took the Captain's suggestion and dunked the next cookie in his coffee and sat back in the chair waiting for the real reason he was called into his captain's office.

"Well Hanlon, onto the real reason I called you in, I got your last medical evaluation, and according to the docs and therapists, you still aren't at one hundred percent to get back on the aerial, so no active fire fighting for you right now." He felt his face and heart fall at his captain's words. He had thought he had finally passed all of their evaluations last week. "But." His captain stated holding his hand to silence Hanlon before he could protest, "But they have Okayed you to do lead vehicle. You'll be in the battalion truck hitting the calls first and assessing what is needed for each call. You have excellent assessments and evaluations of emergencies and you are mentally cleared for all work. The medical evaluation team felt that this was a good fit for you to get back into the game while you still heal and get your coordination and equilibrium back. What's ya say Hanlon? Better than being a desk jockey?"

Hanlon couldn't keep the grin off of his face, "I'm just…wow, yes I'll do lead vehicle. Anything to get me out on the streets again. I'll do my best sir. You have my word," Hanlon was standing up and enthusiastically shaking his captain's hand. It wasn't the aerial, but lead vehicle was still a great way for the young fireman to get back out into the community and make a difference.

"Well, I'll have Thompson brief you on the truck and your exact duties, and maybe get you out for a bit in the truck today. Go find Thompson and get going. Just leave the cookies. I'll finish them off for you and then tell Miss Sunshine that you loved them. Just don't forget your card." Hanlon stood at attention again, his cane in one hand and the card in the other, waiting to be dismissed. "Get out of here Hanlon! That's an order." He left the office quickly, the grin not leaving his face as he heard a grumbled, "Damn Chicago firefighters."

Hanlon walked as quickly as he could to his locker and taped Melissa's card to the back wall, and grabbed his uniform jacket before entering the bay looking for the short blond haired Thompson. He finally spotted him, going over the equipment in the back of the large red and gold Excursion. "Thompson, my man, Cap told me to find you to go over my duties in lead vehicle."

Hanlon was taken aback when Thompson turned toward him, an angry expression on his face, "You do know Hanlon that a lot of guys in this house have been waiting to be in lead vehicle, and you just waltzed into it." Thompson was shorter than Hanlon's 6'4" frame, but was poking him in the chest rather hard, making the taller man use his cane to keep from falling backwards. "On top of that, you aren't even physically capable of doing everything. It's like you're this golden boy from Chicago that is the epitome of what a firefighter should be and so you get all the good assignments. On top of that you're fucking Irish with a damn accent that women find hot."

Shocked deep green eyes stared at Thompson during his tirade and watched as the angry smaller man grabbed a binder and quickly starting explaining everything. Hanlon listened, but he had done lead in Chicago and there wasn't much difference. What shocked him even more was the angry attitude that Thompson had taken towards him. Thompson was the normally fun loving, party guy of the firehouse, setting up the bar meet ups and Sunday football parties. Had he taken Thompson's position? Hanlon shook his head as he finished half listening to Thompson explanation about the log and equipment on the truck.

"Any questions Ireland?" Hanlon just raised his eyebrow at his new nickname at the firehouse.

"No, we had the same thing in Chicago, only difference is you have the lead out on patrol. So nope. Guess I'll just grab a couple of bottles of water and head on out." He didn't want to start anything with Thompson at the moment, so he just shut the binder with a slap and walked to the kitchen and grabbed two bottles out of a case and went back to the truck, putting his cane in first and lifting himself up. As he signaled for the door to be lifted so he could drive out, he watched as several of the other men came out to watch, none of them sporting a happy look on their faces. Hanlon just put on his sunglasses and ignored them, speeding out as soon as the door was all the way up.

Dispatch crackled through the truck as Hanlon drove around midtown. It was busy and crowded, a normal New York traffic day. As he got stopped due to some filming that was taking place, his mind wandered to what had brought him to his current situation. His temple started to ache slightly as he rubbed the scar from his accident. It was an intersection similar to the one he was waiting at that he was tagged by a semi and thrown against his windshield causing the concussion that had put him into a coma. From May to late July he was unaware of anything besides the film that seemed to play in his head. He knew that coma patients were supposed to possibly be able to hear what was going on around them, but he didn't. He just kept having these dreams that would play out like an episode from a T.V. show and then get tucked away in his brain when it was finished, yet drowned everything else out. It was as if the dreams were controlling him and he wouldn't wake up until he had seen all of these dreams, and that was what had exactly happened. When the last scene played out, he had started to wake. He couldn't remember anything specifically but he was aware that he was dreaming during his coma.

The worst part though wasn't the actual coma or the dreams; it was the physical therapy and the fact that his equilibrium had become nonexistent and having to use a cane to keep him up was embarrassing. It sucked. That was the only thing that was keeping him from being back on the aerial and getting back to fighting fires. At least they okayed him to drive the lead vehicle, despite the other firefighters not being too happy it. Hanlon sighed as he listened to the radio crackle to life about a car accident that needed medical, something he didn't have to deal with since he was in the lead vehicle.

As the intersection finally cleared up, Hanlon put the truck back into drive and listened to the radio, always heading into the direction of the emergency just in case he was needed. As lunch time rolled around, the radio crackled to life again, but this time, he was needed, "Battalion 63, call of female trapped in rafters of Crawford theatre on the campus of NYADA. Please be advised assessment for equipment and personnel needed immediately. Over"

He grabbed the radio and responded, "Battalion 63, responding. ETA is seven minutes. Battalion over." Hanlon flipped the lights and sirens on and started weaving his way through traffic. Luckily due to the filming the traffic was lighter than where he was before and actually pulled the truck up onto the wide walkways of NYADA and drove right up to Crawford Theatre. Radioing in his arrival and exiting the vehicle, he quickly made it inside the theatre, his cane forgotten in the truck, his balance normal, despite his gait being a quick job. As he came down the main aisle, he saw students holding a blanket or tarp tautly under a small woman clinging to a pole over the stage.

A tall guy with green eyes and short brown hair walked up to him immediately talking like he was in trouble, his voice thick with guilt, "Well this group is here to practice for midterms and Rachel, um Rachel Berry. She's a freshman. She went up on the light rafters to adjust a few of the lights for the scene and somehow slipped and fell over the railing. Luckily she grabbed the scenery pole and has been clinging to it."

Hanlon ignored the boy's outstretched hand and immediately ran back to the truck and grabbed some equipment after radioing in. He quickly ran to the ladder and climbed quickly, latching onto the railing of the rafters with his harness as he carefully walked down the rafter, not wanting it to sway.

When he was over the girl, he knelt down and softly called to her, "Rachel? Rachel Berry? I'm Lt. Hanlon from FDNY, and I'm going to be with you until the rescue team comes okay?" When he spoke, the girl hesitantly looked up, making Hanlon stare into the deepest brown eyes he had ever seen.

Rachel held on for her life to the swaying scenery rod, thankful it had to hold up heavy canvases and wooden scenes, since it was holding her up, yet cursing Brody for her predicament of even being on it. Granted he didn't know that she would slip and fall through the railing of the lighting rafter, but still. If he hadn't insisted she go up to fix the lighting, she wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. It was instinct and fear of death that had made her grab out as she fell and luckily grabbed the pole and pulled herself up and into the bear hug position with her arms and legs wrapped around the thick pole, holding on to it so tightly she lost feeling in all of her limbs. If she could have flipped Brody off when he suggested she just climb back up onto the rafter, she would have, but instead yelled that the pole was unsteady since it was suspended from the ceiling and it swayed violently.

So she stayed in that position for what seemed to be hours, listening to the voices of her fellow actors until she heard an Irish brogue talk to Brody and then says something into a crackling radio. The fire department was here! If she could have, Rachel would have clapped in glee, but instead sent up a silent prayer of thanks. She listened to the creak of the ladder and rafters as someone walked along them. She was too scared to move her head from against the pole to look, but she heard the Irish brogue again, soft and warm, "Rachel? Rachel Berry? I'm Lt. Hanlon from FDNY, and I'm going to be with you until the rescue team comes okay?"

Rachel carefully turned her head so she could look up at the voice, and was shocked by what she saw, a man kneeling on the rafter, leaning out past the railing looking at her. His hair was a rich copper color, very short, but still messy, and as she looked into his eyes, she saw confidence and compassion in his dark green eyes that had flecks of whiskey through them, almost making them appear to glow a little. He had a crooked, reassuring smile on his face as he waited for her to respond. All she could do was murmur a weak and scared, "Okay," to him in response as she kept her death grip on the pole.

"Good. Now I'm going to come down and sit on the pole with you. I've got a helmet to put on you and I'm going to harness you onto the rafter up here for some extra security. The only thing I ask is that you listen and follow my direction implicitly and do everything slowly and I'll get you down from here. Got it Rachel?"

"Yes sir."

"No sir. Call me Hanlon, all right? Now I'm going to ease myself down onto the pole about ten feet away. The pole will sway when I get on it, but I just need to you keep a hold of it. Okay Rach?"

Another weak, "Yes" came from her. Rachel moved her head slightly so she could see a pair of large steel toed boots carefully land on the pole, causing it to sway. She heard Hanlon say something, but she was too preoccupied with keeping on the pole to really hear him. She watched as he grabbed onto the bottom of the walk with his arms, his muscles straining as he carefully lowered himself onto the pole and straddled it. If she wasn't terrified out of her mind, she could appreciate his strength and rippling muscles, but right now, she just hoped his strength would save her. He took the same position as Rachel, but she could feel the pole sway as he slowly pushed himself until he was right in front of her, so close that she could feel his cool breath on her cheek.

She didn't know how long she had been trapped on the damned pole, but she did know that as soon as Lt. Hanlon pulled her close to him, wrapping his strong arms around her protectively, she knew everything would be okay. He was a complete stranger, but in his arms, she felt like she would always be protected from harm. As she held onto him, reveling in his cool, calm and confident persona, she felt herself relax against him. That changed when she heard the auditorium doors slam and yelling fill the area. She looked down and saw several men from FDNY, one being blond and from the look on his face, he was pissed, and Hanlon's once relaxed muscles had become instantly stiff under her arms.

Mister blond head, as she referred to the firefighter yelling, looked right at Hanlon and yelled, "What the fuck are you doing up there Hanlon? You're not cleared for anything other than driving the damn truck. Do you know how much…"

The blond was cut off by Hanlon as a deep rumble left his chest as he yelled back, "Shut the fuck up man! I'm doing my job! Just do yours Thompson and get her down!" Rachel heard boots above them on the rafter as she felt Hanlon's chest rumble as he softly mumbled, "They seriously had to send Thompson. Shit I'm gonna get it back at the firehouse." She wanted to say something comforting, but didn't know what, so she just squeezed Hanlon even tighter, even as she felt him put something around her and heard a metallic click. He leaned into her and whispered, "I'm going to have to drop you over the side and you're going to be lowered. Yell, scream, do whatever you need to, because it's okay if you're scared."

Rachel looked into his deep green and amber eyes, "I'm not scared though. You make me feel safe. Can you come down with me?" His chest rumbled again as he let out a deep chuckle. That sound and the feeling of him stirred something in her mind, like she had heard it before, felt the rumble before, but Rachel shook her head at the thought. She had never even heard of Lt. Hanlon until today. Suddenly she felt the security of his arms leave her and she was suspended above the stage, her scream now filling the auditorium as she was lowered slowly to the stage. Brody's arms wrapped around her as soon as her feet touched the ground, yet despite knowing Brody and his interest in her, she didn't feel any warmth or security in his arms like she had in Lt. Hanlon's.

She was whisked away to an ambulance to get checked out, and lost sight of her coppery haired firefighter due to the fact that Brody was hovering around her. As she sat in the back of the ambulance and answered the medics' questions, she heard an angry voice from the other side of Brody, "Hanlon, I'm going to report you. You aren't cleared to do anything other than drive the lead vehicle. What if you had lost your balance up on the pole with her, huh? You both could have been killed, and it would have been totally on you, because you haven't been cleared. You're a fucking Irish Chicago idiot Hanlon." Rachel bristled at the words the unknown man had said. Lt. Hanlon was not anything he had just been called, he was kind, protective and a gentleman. If it hadn't been for him, she would never have made it up there on that pole. His gentle voice and strong, encircling arms gave her all the confidence that she would be okay.

Then she heard the gentle Irish brogue much quieter than the other man's voice, "I did what I needed to do. It took you fifteen minutes to get here, and do you honestly think she would have lasted up there by herself for fifteen minutes Thompson?" Rachel sat up straighter, straining to hear his response, "I did my job. If you report me, fine, so be it. I'm not going to fight you on it, because I did the right thing, and I'm pretty sure Rachel Berry knows I did too."

Rachel smiled at Lt. Hanlon's response, but frowned at what Thompson said next, "Who the hell is Rachel Berry?"

She could almost hear the contempt through the Irish brogue, "It's the victim's name you idiot. If you took the time to learn about the victim, than maybe everyone wouldn't think you're such an assmunch. I'll see you at the station Thompson."

Rachel heard the sound of a door slam shut and an engine roar to life. She knew it was Lt. Hanlon leaving, and a small frown formed on her face. "Hey Rachel, you're safe now. No need to frown baby." Rachel looked at Brody and gave him a small smile in response, but her mind was on the truck that was pulling further away from her. One thing she did know was that she had to repay Lt. Hanlon for his kindness, and to figure out why she felt a little empty now that he wasn't with her.


	13. a malachi

The heavy oak door shook on its hinges as Hanlon slammed it shut upon entering the brownstone. He had gotten reamed up one side and down the other by his captain and the battalion commander for going up on that damn pole to help Rachel. Unfortunately, Thompson had made it to the firehouse before he did and had literally told on him like a small child telling on a friend; he even had the nerve to point a finger at Hanlon as he entered the common living area. Hanlon scrubbed his hand over his face in anger over how Thompson seemed to be after him now, when the other fireman had been his friend just a couple of weeks ago, welcoming Hanlon by taking him out to a bar with some of the other guys.

Now. Now Thompson acted like he had a personal vendetta against Hanlon, and Hanlon had no clue why. Not wanting to think about it anymore, he walked upstairs to his bedroom, shedding his clothes on the way, dropping them wherever they came off. By the time he reached his bed, he was down to his underwear with his soft, cool bed waiting for him. The emotional and physical stress of the day had taken a toll on him, as he crawled under his quilt and snuggled down into the soft mattress, letting sleep overtake him after sending out a prayer that things would improve. He didn't think he could take anymore setbacks.

As sleep awakened his subconscious, a pair of sparkling brown eyes emerged. Eyes that have haunted him since his accident, but in a good way, always making him feel complete and loved. As sleep totally took over, a new dream emerged for him, one that if he could have remembered was a frequent visitor in his sleep.

_He stands by his locker, looking at the other students meandering by, in no hurry to get to their first class. Not like he was in any hurry either, since he had history; not his favorite subject. In fact he forgot he was even taking history at one point, since Coach was always pulling him out to work on offensive plays. He grabs his books and pulls his red and cream letterman's jacket closer to him as he slams his locker closed. He turns toward class but is stopped by a girl with a blond ponytail and red and white cheerleading uniform. His smile turns to a small frown as she gives him a sickening sweet smile in return. He watches others pass by them as she leans up and kisses his cheek, which he immediately wipes off with the sleeve of his jacket. Her green eyes turn cold as she watches him do that, "What the hell are you doing? We're supposed to look like a popular and loving couple. We have a reputation to maintain as the power couple of this school, or did you forget that too?"_

_He stares at her like she was crazy, because frankly she was, "Um, aren't we taking a 'break' from each other? I don't know why you're so into this charade, and trust me, I try to forget you." He turns away from her deciding that maybe getting to history early might be a good thing, at least a hell of a lot better than dealing with her. He jogs down the hall away from her as she yells after him, when he's stopped by a crowd around the call board, everyone talking excitedly. Why was everyone around the board? His fingers snap when he remembers that the school held open auditions for singing the National Anthem before each game. His friends said only losers would audition for the chance to sing the National Anthem, even though he thought it was pretty cool to do something like that. Didn't like all the great singers get to do that before the Super Bowl?_

_He stands back against the wall and waits for the crowd to thin out, but then several of his teammates come down the hall with large red and white Seven Eleven cups in their hands. His stomach twists into knots knowing what's about to happen and knowing there isn't a damned thing he can do. A tiny girl with long brown hair pushes her way out of the crowd, a brilliant smile on her face; she's obviously gotten one of the games, but the smile becomes an 'O' of shock when sticky, colored, cold slush is thrown at her not by one jock, but by all three that held cups. His mouth drops open when his blond 'girlfriend' comes up and looks the tiny girl up and down, "Well Stubbles, you're always talking about the rainbow coalition, so we figured we'd make you one," with a flick of her ponytail she walks off leaving the poor girl just standing there, in total shock and mortified. Other students just give her a wide birth and keep walking to class, no one stopping to help her. _

"_Do you need help?" comes out of his mouth before he can think, looking straight at her shaking body. He's not sure if it's from the cold of the slushies or anger at the goons. All she can do is nod as she squeezes her eyes shut to keep the slush out of them; she probably doesn't even realize who is asking her the question. Dropping his books on the floor, he walks over and grabs hers, tossing them with his. No one was going to bother school books. _

_He grabs both of her hands, shocked at the warmth the simple touch sends through him as he holds onto her and leads her slowly down the hall. Silence is his only answer when he'd asks her questions as he continues their slow trek to the boys' locker room. He has her stop at the door for a minute before sticking his head in and checking the room before bringing her in slowly, giving a small prayer of thanks that no one sees them come in. Her cute nose scrunches up at the stench as she enters the musty smelling locker room. He grabs a towel off the shelf, wets it and immediately wipes the sticky concoction off of her face, allowing her to finally see who is helping her. As her eyes open, he holds his breath, hoping that she's happy with him or at least appreciative. A very small and timid, "Thank you," comes from her as she keeps her eyes down, embarrassed by her situation._

_He can't help himself as he places a finger under her chin and lifts it so that she's looking at him in the eyes, "Hey, it's okay. It's not like you asked to be slushied. I'm sorry about that. The guys just don't know how to be nice, like at all. Anyway, there's the handicap shower stall in the back, I'll grab you my shampoo and stuff and you can clean up and I'll see if I can find any clothes that might fit you. Okay?"_

_What she says next stops him cold, "Why are you helping me? You're a jock. You're supposed to hate us Gleeks. You're the most popular guy in school, why act like my knight in shining armor?" Confusion mars her very pretty, innocent face as her hands gestures towards him. Her brown eyes look up at him with questions as her mouth purses in concentration as he shifts his weight back and forth, uneasy with her scrutiny._

_He holds out his hands in surrender, "Hey, I'm not those guys. I don't bully. I'm the leader; I have to set a good example. Right now it's showing them that it's just not cool to slushy others." Staring into her brown eyes, he hopes to see that she believes him._

"_Do you mean set an example or just clean up their messes? Come on. Even your girlfriend slushied me. I mean are you trying to set a good example for her too?" She doesn't try to hide her sarcasm from him. His friends are dicks._

"_No. She's just being a bitch. I want to be better than them. I know I'm not, but it would be nice to be." He looks down in surprise as her hand covers his for a just a moment before taking the towel he holds, before walking toward the handicap shower._

_She turns her head towards him as she walks away, "For what it's worth. I do think you are better than them, you just don't know how to break free from them." She disappears into the stall and as soon as the shower starts, he takes off to find the tiny girl some clothes. Finding the locker of the smallest guy in school, he quickly twists the lock twice and then hits the sweet spot on the side, popping the lock and displaying the contents. Grabbing the guy's gym clothes, he writes a note about borrowing the uniform and that he'll replace the guy's shirt and shorts, but it's an emergency. "Um, I have some clothes for you. Where would you like me to put them?"_

"_Just on the bench by the shower please. Are you going to leave then?" Even yelling over the water her voice is still sweet to his ears. He thinks she could be screaming the phone book and her voice would be just as enchanting._

"_I'll just stand watch outside the door so no one comes in on you. Give you some privacy to change." He walks around the block partition and sees the bench strewn with the rainbow stained clothes, lacey underwear sitting on top of them. He feels his pants tighten at the sight of the lace, before laying the gym clothes on top of them and turning to leave, but turns the wrong way and faces the steaming shower and the silhouette of a very naked, curvaceous girl. His eyes skim over her body, ending at her beautiful brown eyes sparkling with amusement and shyness._

Hanlon woke with a start, like he did every time he fell asleep, sparkling brown eyes burned into his memory, his heart racing so fast he couldn't even feel it beat. He never remembered anything except for these deep brown, sparkling eyes that he had never seen before. As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes with the back of his hands, and looked at the shuttered windowed, he saw the last bits of twilight disappearing into dark. His stomach grumbled loudly for food, so he got up and quickly dressed in an long sleeved t-shirt and a red, blue, green and white plaid button down, rolling up the sleeves over the t-shirt. Throwing on jeans and brown lace up boots, he grabbed his keys and his granddad's cane, that had sat beside the door for as long as he could remember, before heading out into the crisp New York night, not sure where he was going, but just needing to go.

He started to walk through his Gramercy Park neighborhood, not sure where he was going, just knowing he was hungry and restaurants were only a few blocks away, so he headed that way and figured he would stop when something smelled good enough to make his stomach grumble. As he walked along the autumn colored maple lined sidewalks and dimly lit brownstones, the metal tip of his cane tapping on the sidewalk in perfect rhythm with his gait as he took in his surroundings. He'd been so busy with his recovery and new job he hadn't had time to really look at his new neighborhood, and despite being in a large city, it felt like he was in a close knit town, similar to his old neighborhood in Chicago. It felt like home, especially since his parents had picked out the brownstone and neighborhood many years before, because like they had told him when he said he was moving, "It felt like the neighborhood in Chicago and their town in Ireland. It felt like home."

As he kept walking, leaning on his cane when he felt his balance go off, he stopped suddenly in front of a softly lit window that held a sparkling deep blue drum kit. The lights gleamed off of the cymbals catching Hanlon's eye. He stood there mesmerized by the instrument like a child looking at a Christmas display. A sudden urge to go into the shop to buy and play the magnificent instrument propelled him to open the door that had gilded on the window, *"Zammar".

The store brought instant comfort to Hanlon for some reason. He had never been a huge music person, but since his accident, he had taken a keen interest in it, and now that blue drum kit in the window drew him into the dark wood paneled and softly lit store. A bell chimed above the door signaling to a man, that Hanlon assumed was the owner, to his presence. The man was small, with weathered skin and white tufts of hair surrounding his bald, age spotted head. Wire rimmed glasses covered his clear blue eyes while they rested on his red bulbous nose. He had a wry smile that was pointed at Hanlon, in a knowing way. The man shuffled forward and held out his hand in greeting, where he looked not a year younger than a hundred, yet his hands were deceptively young looking, smooth and soft with long tapered fingers and manicured nails, hands that looked like they could play any instrument they held.

\

Hanlon took the man's hand in greeting and was surprised by the strength in his grip.

"Good evening sir. Welcome to Zammar's. I'm the owner, Malachi, is there anything I can help you with, like that drum kit in the window?"

"Well, I was just walking and the drum caught my eye. The thing is though I don't play, but lately I've wanted to play, drums specifically. Is it silly of me wanting to start learning to play the drums now? Don't most people start when they're young?" Hanlon answered quickly, almost embarrassed at the fact he wanted to learn to play.

"Oh no. People learn to play at all ages. I have an eighty year old at the nursing home that is learning to play the piano, because she always wanted to, and now she finally has the time," Hanlon let out a chuckle mirroring the same one Malachi was giving.

Malachi's soft Jewish accent was comforting to Hanlon for some reason so he just listened as the man went on and on about all the people he had given lessons to later in their lives. Movement from the back wall caught Hanlon's eye though. There, looking at sheet music against the back wall was a tiny woman with long brown hair partially hidden by a black beret. She had on a brown and black tiny black skirt with a gold chain encircling her waist and a tight fitting black turtleneck sweater. Hanlon didn't do a good job of hiding his stare, because he heard Malachi's voice right next to ear. "See someone you like Lieutenant Hanlon? That's my new employee, Rachel Berry. I've gotten too old to close up every night, plus my **'ishshah wants me home at a decent hour at least a few nights a week. So I've hired the lovely Rachel to close up for me on some nights. Actually she'll be doing the dinner shift to close so I can actually sit down at my kitchen table to eat. The only thing though is she is such a sweet young thing, it wouldn't be safe for her to lock up by herself and then walk back to her dorm. She needs someone to protect her."

Hanlon responded without even glancing at the owner, "Probably does," even though he knew the neighborhood was relatively safe with middle income families. If the young fireman had paid attention to the old Jewish man, he would have seen a gleam in his bright blue eyes and a knowing smile curve onto his lips.

"Well since we both agree it wouldn't be safe for such a young, beautiful young lady to be here by herself at night, why don't you work with her? Instead of paying you in cash, we can exchange services; you act as security for Rachel and I'll give you drum lessons for free. I think that is an excellent deal Lt. Hanlon." Hanlon's attention was suddenly brought back to the old man when he heard 'excellent deal' since he hadn't made any deal, but he was too late when he heard Malachi call, "Rachel, I have some wonderful news, ***bubbala. Lt. Hanlon is going to be helping you with locking up on the evenings you work. Instead of having to pay him, I just need to give him lessons. I'm such a smart man. Now why don't you get your coat and you and Lt. Hanlon go to the deli down the street and get to know each other since you'll be working together. Now go, shoo bubbala." Hanlon watched in awe as the Malachi talked quickly and didn't seem to bother with the fact that he hadn't agreed to any deal. His head was literally spinning with how quickly the old man spoke. Before he could say that Malachi was seriously mistaken, Rachel had headed behind the back wall where he assumed the practice rooms were.

When the girl was behind the wall, Hanlon hissed at the older man, "Malachi, I didn't agree to be you're security guy. I'm a fireman that doesn't have very good balance and I have my forty-eight hour shifts when I'm not even available to do anything else."

"No worry Finn. No worry. I will get it all worked out so that you and Rachel can spend time together." When he heard Malachi call him Finn, Hanlon's head shot up in shock.

"Why did you just call me Finn? That's not my name." A tinge of anger and worry colored his voice.

"Isn't that what your family calls you, since your father goes by Christopher? Aren't you Christopher Finnegan Hanlon?"

Hanlon was seriously getting creeped out suddenly by the things that Malachi seemed to know about him that he knows he didn't tell him. He started to slowly back himself towards the door to escape, but Malachi must have sensed what he was doing, "Finn? Hanlon? Hanlon. I'm sorry if I offended you. I truly need your help with making sure Rachel is okay on her nights here, please." Hanlon could hear the need in the old man's voice. He was pretty sure Malachi would get down on his knees and beg if he thought he would say no, but Hanlon wasn't going to. Despite his initial freak out, and the old man's rather clairvoyant behavior, Hanlon nodded his head in agreement. He figured it was a win-win; he'd learn to play the drums and better yet, learn more about alluring Rachel Berry.

Rachel stood in the back of the store, looking over all the sheet music that Malachi had categorized. She needed to become familiar with the music his store offered if she would be working there until closing. The neighborhood was nice, Gramercy Park, with a nice eclectic mix of people, shops and eateries. The music store, Zammars, was a quaint store nestled between a bookstore and a tea and coffee house. She hadn't been too sure of answering the help wanted poster that was on one of the public boards in the lobby of her dorm, but the gold stars that decorated the ad had drawn her eye, and upon reading it, felt it was the perfect job for her. For some reason, no matter how much she loved NYADA and all the experience she was getting, she just felt like she needed more, like there was part of her that was missing despite all the wonderful experiences she was having. When she had shown up at Zammars, she felt at home immediately, like she belonged. The store was warm and inviting, with worn wooden floors and painted plaster walls. The cabinets and display cases were inviting, begging for customers to touch and play the instruments that twinkled in the warm lighting. In some ways, it reminded Rachel of being on a Broadway stage, the place she wanted to finally call home.

Her interview with Malachi was short, funny, informative and introspective. He reminded her of her Poppy, with his deep laugh lines around his eyes and the glasses he perched on his nose, but still looked over the top of; even the sweater vest and tweed trousers with scuffed brown oxfords were familiar to her. He had told her that she would work three to four evenings a week, starting when her last class ended to closing, which was at nine, so that he could have dinner with his 'ishshah. The store was closed every Friday in observance of the Sabbath and for all Jewish holidays. He looked right at Rachel when he said, "I may love my store and what I do for others, but my faith comes first, my family second and then my job. I don't like to give advice, but I strongly recommend you do the same Rachel, because if you get them out of order, then your life becomes a mess. Take it from someone who knows, and from the look on your face, I'd say you've had some questions about your life."

Rachel shook her head, "No. No question about it. I know I was created to star on Broadway. I know I'm meant to be that type of star, like Barbra Streisand. I just wonder sometimes why things happen, things that make you re-evaluate your future. Do you ever wonder why things happen? Things that might make you question things?" Rachel stared at Malachi a questioning look in her eyes, wondering if he would answer such a personal question.

She watched carefully as he pulled up a stool for her to sit down on next to the counter as he took his customary seat behind the counter. She watched him pull up his left sleeve above his elbow to show her a very tiny Star of David just under the crook of his arm. "I was a toddler when World War II broke out in Poland. I had two strikes against me; I was Jewish and living in a land that was easily taken over by the Nazis due to no natural defenses. I was just a babe when my mother and I were rounded up by the Nazis while my father was off fighting for Poland. We were initially supposed to be taken to a death camp, but for some reason, the man separating us Poles took us out of the line that led to the train on its way to the death camp and put us in the line for the bus going to a work camp instead. Work camp wasn't much better than the death camp, but it meant we were not going to purposefully die." As Malachi talked, his eyes were trained on the bell above the door, his voice monotonous and trance like a man that was thinking more than talking, "Anyway, my mother was put to work in a factory loading bullets into machine gun belts. It was hard work. Workers were given enough food for sustenance, and because I was just a baby, workers would give my mother some of their food to feed me so that I could stay healthy. I was given lots of butter to eat because we weren't given milk and the ladies wanted to make sure I had some dairy. Too this day, I can't use butter on anything, it makes me gag. Anyway, I learned to sit quietly behind my mother while she worked or else the guards would punish both my mother and me. It was supposed to be quiet, no talking was allowed among the "workers" but there was one lady that always sang. I think it was her way to get around the rule and her voice was so enchanting that even the guards and plant manager didn't care if she sang. She would sing Polish folk songs, popular songs of the time and even Jewish and Catholic hymns. Even in the filth and drudgery of that factory, her voice was pure and clean, what I imagined heaven sounded like. Anyway, my mother said that after a week or so of listening to her sing, I started to grab scraps of metal and wood and beat them on different surfaces to the rhythm of her song. She said it took me a while, but I eventually went from just randomly hitting to actually picking up her beat. My mother said I would even start beating out the rhythm of the song I wanted this angel of music to sing. This woman and I kept the workers entertained throughout the days and nights of work. She said the singer and I lifted to workers' spirits, gave them a bit of joy in a dismal day. My mother worked there until the Allies came and took over the plant, essentially setting my mother and me free. We were brought here to the US as refugees by a Catholic group. While we lived in a closet sized apartment here in New York, I drove my mother crazy with my banging and singing, just like I was still at the munitions plant. A music teacher that walked by our apartment everyday heard me, and one day walked up the three stories to find out who kept banging on everything. That teacher, Mr. James Kutner, took me under his wing and taught me music theory and how to play every instrument imaginable, as well as falling in love with my mother. He became my step-father."

"But what about your father, the one that fought for Poland?"

"He died on a field in southern Poland. He was buried on that site, and since my mother and I were wards of the Nazis and my father a traitor of the Third Reich, we weren't informed of his death until after we were here in New York. Mr. Kutner was very patient, and waited for my mother for five years until she found out what happened to my father and worked through her pain of losing him. Anyway Rachel, you asked me if I believed things happened for a reason, things that affected us, and I do. If that man, that German, hadn't pulled my mother and me out of the line for the train, if that unknown woman didn't sing every day to get around the rules, if I hadn't played with the metal and wood, if I didn't continue banging away and have Mr. Kutner hear me, then I would never have ended up owning this store and meeting you. Even though as a toddler I didn't know banging away would lead me to owning a highly reputable music store and meeting you, God, he knew. He couldn't control the way it happened, but he knew the end result, and he may have given little pushes here and there to make things happen, but still, he knew. So yes Rachel, I do believe that things happen for a reason."

Rachel was speechless as her mind wrapped around the profound story that Malachi had just told her, but one thing still was unclear, "Why do you have the tattoo though?"

"Well, as I'm sure you've studied in history, the Nazis liked to brand those they took, treating us like sick cattle. Anyway, since my mother and I were initially to go to a death camp, she was tattooed and numbered for identification, and she had told the man that was doing it, that if she was being marked, she wanted me to have the identical one, so that when we were killed, we could still be buried together as mother and son, so as a toddler I was given a small death camp tattoo."

Rachel covered her mouth in horror as she involuntarily wretched over what had happened to Malachi. His early life made her stomach turn in knots, but she understood what he meant. All that horror he had to endure led him to the beauty of music, and if he hadn't experienced it, then music may never have been a part of his life. Understanding a bit more, Rachel started her story, the one that was affecting her, specifically the boy that was affecting her, "There was this guy in high school my junior year. He was my best friend's step-brother, or soon to be step-brother. Anyway, literally a few hours before the biggest game of his life, where there would be scouts to watch him play, he was killed. It devastated his family and the entire school, but I was really devastated by his death, yet I barely knew him. I think it was the fact that he hadn't reached his zenith, he hadn't peaked yet and it was all taken away from him, if that makes any sense. It just had this effect on me that I can't describe. When he died, it felt like I died a bit too. But I really shouldn't be bothering you with something so trivial about my life. You're my employer now, and what I just did wasn't very professional and I am always professional."

Rachel felt Malachi's rough hands hold both of hers and squeezed them gently, signaling her to look into his eyes, "Rachel, don't consider me your employer. Please consider me family or at least your New York family for now. If something is bothering you or you need to talk, or have a hankering for some good latkes with applesauce, please come to me. Remember how I said faith comes first for me, well God has a way of pushing people together, and maybe he pushed you towards me to help you out, maybe even find your way."

"I've always known my way. This is where I'm supposed to be, New York and Broadway." Rachel said with a conviction that she didn't necessarily believe anymore.

"Maybe at one time you knew this is where you were supposed to be, but now, now I can tell something has changed within you. Or maybe someone has changed you. Anyway, why don't you go look my sheet music, and choose a book of songs. Consider it a hiring on bonus; just show it to me before you leave."

"Thanks. I've wanted the song book for Mamma Mia! I'll just peruse your selection and maybe see what you may be lacking and make a few suggestions, since my specialty is Broadway." Rachel smiled sweetly at her new boss before she walked to the back wall, dragging the stool with her since she couldn't reach all the way to the top shelf. She started by searching for Mamma Mia! and noticed that Malachi didn't have any particular order to his songbooks and sheet music, so she was going to start correcting that immediately. As she pulled the Broadway songbooks off to move them to one area of the wall, she heard the chime above the door ring. She just glanced over her shoulder to see the door open but not who entered. She heard heavy footsteps followed by a metallic tap, making her forehead wrinkle in wonder as to who had entered the store. Then she heard the voice from earlier that afternoon, a soft, deep brogue.

Her heart skipped a beat when she listened to the rumble of the comforting brogue again, so soon after her harrowing afternoon. She didn't want to seem too nosy, but she leaned back slightly and grabbed a random songbook and absently flipped through it while she listened intently to Malachi and Lt. Hanlon talk. She frowned when she heard Malachi offer Hanlon a job to work alongside Rachel as security for her since he was concerned about her security at night. While the idea of working closely with the copper haired fireman sent a delicious tingle through her body, she frowned at the thought that Malachi didn't think she could take care of herself.

As she continued to eavesdrop onto their conversation, she would steal glances over her shoulder at the fireman she had only just seen that afternoon, her rescuer that had held onto her on top of a rickety scenery pole. Right now she couldn't decide which she thought he looked better in, his fireman's uniform or his regular clothes, but the lighting in the store made Lt. Hanlon look rugged and handsome no matter what he had on. His copper hair glinted in the warm lighting, his green and gold eyes glowed. For the first time, as he talked to Malachi, she noticed the right side of his mouth lift up into a smirky smile, showing off dimples in his cheeks. She wasn't sure if it was a hero worship complex or something, but if anyone had asked her, she would swear he was the most adorable, gorgeous man she'd ever seen.

She realized that she was no longer sneakily looking at him, but was downright ogling him, and thanked heavens that he seemed more engrossed with what Malachi was saying and paying no mind to her. She felt a warm blush on her cheeks as she continued looking over the sheet music and songbooks, purposefully tuning out the conversation going on behind her, even though she really wanted to know what the two men were talking about, it was none of her business, so she kept repeating that over and over in her mind.

Rachel refocused on the music in front of her until she heard Malachi call her, "Rachel, I have some wonderful news, bubbala (Hebrew for darling). Lt. Hanlon will help you with locking up on the evenings you work. Instead of having to pay him, I just need to give him lessons on the drums. I'm such a smart man. Now why don't you get your coat so that you and Lt. Hanlon can go to the deli down the street and get to know each other since you'll be working together. Now go, shoo bubbala." Rachel almost fell off of her stool in shock, but shook her head and walked to the back where the practice rooms and her coat was stashed, like a good little girl listening to her grandfather. She was already reacting like Malachi really was her Poppy, and not her boss. Why was Lt. Hanlon going to be working alongside her at the store? Was he looking for a job? Rachel got the impression that Malachi marched to the beat of his own drum and worked at the speed of light when an idea struck him. She would have to learn to catch up to the wise old man if she was going to be of any use to him

As she walked back to the front, she saw the two men shaking hands and Malachi slipping some money into Lt. Hanlon's palm, "Go to the deli a couple of blocks down, Defonte's Sandwich Shop, tell 'em I sent you. They'll give you a good deal." She watched as her new boss turned towards her, causing Lt. Hanlon to do the same. She saw a twinkle in Malachi's blue eyes and something she couldn't recognize in the deep green of her rescuer. "Now you two scoot. I'm going to lock up and I want you two to get to know each other since you'll be working together. Here is my card with my number, Hanlon, please call me tomorrow with your schedule so that I can set mine and Rachel's up and schedule your lessons too."

Rachel walked towards her new workmate and smiled at him as he took her arm in his in a very gentlemanly manner as she bid Malachi a good night. When his hand lightly touched her forearm, she felt a cool feeling rush over her, one that was very comforting and familiar. The coolness that engulfed her put her in such a sublime state that she didn't even realize that she was out of Zammars and almost to the deli until she heard an attention getting cough. She shook her head of the warm fuzziness and looked up into her escort's face.

The light and shadows of the sidewalk made him look younger, his hair darker, and his eyes lighter, almost a glowing amber. He literally became someone else in front of her eyes for just a split second. He didn't look like an Irish Chicagoan but like someone she had once met. "We're here Miss Berry." She nodded her head as he placed his hand on the small of her back and led her through the door. A man that could be accused of being Malachi's twin stood behind the counter and quickly took her order of latkes with cinnamon and applesauce as well as a hot tea with honey. She listened as her dinner partner for the evening ordered a corned beef on rye with a Coke and then mentioned Malachi's name and she watched the numbers go down rapidly on the old fashion brass cash register. Smiling in amusement, she grabbed her tea while Lt. Hanlon paid and found a table next to the wall where she felt they could talk with some privacy.

She watched him walk, taking in his gait and how he corrected a slight sway in his gait with the dark stained cane with silver tip and ball. Why was an on-duty fireman using a cane? That question left as he sat down across from her with his half smile firmly in place forcing her to smile in return, but then who wouldn't smile when a good looking man sat across from you?

His smile and chivalrous behavior towards her made Rachel feel suddenly nervous, a very foreign feeling for the future starlet. She wasn't used to feeling like her stomach was in knots with butterflies flying through them. Tucking her hair behind her ears with a slightly shaky hand and wishing she had kept her headbands, she took a deep, calming sip of her tea and started in on her many questions for the man sitting across from her, "So Lt. do you have a first name or do you just go by your last name all the time?"

She watched him as he tapped his lips with his finger as he thought for a second before replying, "For work, just my last name or Lt. Hanlon. It's silly, but I know how people know me by what they call me. If you've worked with me at any time, you'll call me Hanlon. If I went to school with you I'd be Hans or Hands to you. If you're my family or close friends it's something else."

"And what is that something else that your family and close friends call you?" Rachel was shocked at how flirty she sounded as she asked him that question. Her voice had actually deepened slightly as she talked. Where the hell did that come from? She was equally shocked when he responded with a slightly huskier accent, "You'll have to become one to find out." Rachel couldn't help but stare into his eyes as he said that and swore that they had changed to a whiskey color for just a second, again. She scrunched her face up in concentration as she stared even harder at him, wondering what was going on with her mind.

She didn't even realize he was mirroring her look until the buxomly waitress came over with their orders and sighed rather loudly to draw their attention to her, or more like Hanlon's attention to her. Rachel immediately looked at her, not before seeing Lt. Hanlon mirroring her scrunched nose and brow except with a smirk instead of pursed lips. Another loud sigh from the waitress brought her dinner partner out of his look and put his eyes on the waitress who immediately replaced her frown with an attempt at a come hither smile and batted her false eyelashes and fake blue eyes at Hanlon. Rachel immediately looked down when she saw how the waitress passed the food out, somehow pushing her already ample bosom out towards Hanlon and skimmed her hands over her curves.

Rachel felt immediately flat and boyish compared to the raven haired waitress. She was small breasted and couldn't wear deep V-neck shirts because they made her look emaciated. The bright blue eyes fake or not, were much more attractive than her brown ones. Rachel was small, barely coming up to Hanlon's shoulders whereas the waitress was closer to his own height. The only thing that Rachel was sure of was that she had better hair than the waitress, because the shade of velvet black hair sported by their server was not created by nature.

Rachel has always self-confident, but around Hanlon and this flirtatious waitress and any self-confidence she had went out the window street. She didn't even look up when she saw the plate of potato latkes appear in front of her, in fact she just picked up her knife and fork and started cutting her food up, not wanting to see the flirting that was going on in front of her.

She was so intent on her food; it took a large hand laid on top of hers to bring her eyes up to the level of the deep green and amber eyes she had instantly liked. "What's wrong Rachel? Why are looking at your food? Am I really that bad of company?"

Rachel's eyes grew wide, how could he think he was bad company? "No no no. You're excellent. I mean excellent company. It's just our waitress was obviously checking you out and where she is more womanly, I'm more boyish. Where she's confident and flirtatious, I can be rather shy and reserved."

"Huh? Sorry, my ma has told me I'm a bit thick in the head, but what in the hell are you talking about?"

"Language Lt. Hanlon! Gentlemen don't curse in front of ladies, and I am a lady. And by your behavior I believe your mother raised a gentleman. Anyway, our waitress was blatantly flirting with you when she came with our food, and I just can never compare with women like that. Not in high school, not now." Rachel looked straight in his eyes as she said this. She truly believed that, even though her goal was to be on Broadway. She just couldn't compare, but luckily for her Broadway was more impressed with true talent than look.

An incredulous look appeared on his face, "Did you just hear yourself? Like really hear yourself?" She saw a look of shock on his face and a touch of anger or was it concern? "You have the talent to get into NYADA, which, from what I hear is harder than hell to get into. You are absolutely beautiful. I mean it. You're unique, and I saw that even up on that pole. It just rather seems to seep out of you and makes you glow. It's intoxicating." She watched as the hardened fireman across from her duck his head in embarrassment, a small blush possible creeping up onto his cheeks and her having trouble believing his words.

Without thinking, she placed her hand on top of his, and heard a hiss come from him, but instead of pulling his hand away, he turned it so their palms were touching. "Your hand is really warm. A lot warmer than mine. It's nice. I'm so used to being cool; to feel something warm is pleasant."

"I noticed that you seem cooler than the normal person. Why is that?" she asked, thankful for the change is subject.

"No one knows, just since my accident, my core body temperature has dropped, but it hasn't affected my organs or anything like that. My body has just become cooler. I seem to be the poster boy for medical abnormalities right now." She watched him shrug off his last comment as he took a hearty bite of his sandwich. She was curious about the abnormalities, but could see he didn't want to continue with his story, so she continued on her latkes as the two ate in silence for the remainder of their meal, but when they finished Rachel couldn't hold back the question that had been bugging her since she had first met Lt. Hanlon that afternoon.

"Your use of the cane, is that because of this accident you mentioned?"

She watched him sit back and rub the back of his neck as his face showed he was deep in thought, like he was debating if he should answer her or not. Finally he let out a rough sigh, "Aye. I got into a rather bad accident when I was moving here from Chicago. I had come out a few weeks before my things, living out of the fire station until my stuff from Chicago came. Anyway, I was driving from the station to my home, because the movers were there waiting on me. I was at an intersection and had the green light, so as I moved into the intersection a semi ran the red light and clipped my car on the driver's side and sent me spinning into a traffic pole. Even though I was belted, because of the force that he hit me with, it sent me into the pole; it snapped my seatbelt and sent me into the windshield, that's why I have this scar now." She saw him point to the pink jagged scar on the side of his face. She honestly hadn't noticed it until now. Nodding in encouragement to Hanlon, she adjusted herself in her seat and took a sip of her tea and just looked on in silence while he struggled with telling his story. "I don't remember anything after that. Not for three months. My concussion had put me into a coma, the swelling of my brain being pretty severe. I also had bleeds that they were dealing with too, from what I was told. That was May when the accident happened and I didn't wake up until August. I've been in therapy because the accident messed with my equilibrium and coordination. They literally had to re-teach me how to do everything, but for some reason I picked everything back up immediately, but as I tried to walk, run, or just stand, I would sway or start to fall over. That's when they found out about the equilibrium issue, so I need a cane to support and correct me. I can't go back on full duty until I get it back. Today was my first day to even be back on the streets. I got cleared to do lead truck duty since that is more a mind job then a physical one, except for me going up on the pole to be with you." Rachel noticed that he mumbled the last part, looking down at his empty plate. It suddenly clicked with her, the yelling between him and the blonde haired man and everything else.

"Did you get in a lot of trouble for helping me like you did?" She watched him look up and nod a small smile on his lips. Before she could even say that she was sorry, he spoke, "And if it happened again, I'd do the same thing. You wouldn't have lasted up there by yourself. You needed someone to lean on and to get strength from, and that was me. Don't worry about what happened to me. I'm fine with it because I know what I did was right." His small smile became a warm half smile that sent a wave of happiness through her and she returned his smile.

He looked at his watch and then at her, "Well Miss Rachel Berry, I need to get you back to your dorm. It's almost 10 and I'm sure you have classes in the morning." He stood up with the cane in one hand, his other offered to her in assistance to stand up. She took it shyly, but loved the sensation she got when they touched. She had literally just met him, but his touch was very addicting.

"Thank you, but I'm just going to grab a cab and go back to the dorm. You live in this neighborhood, and it would be rather silly for you to take me back to my dorm. I promise I'll be safe. I have my whistle and pepper spray, plus the cabs let us off at the door, so no walking." As she talked, she hadn't realized he had led her outside and hailed a cab for her. As he opened the door and offered his hand again in assistance, Rachel couldn't hold back anymore, so she shyly stood on her tiptoes and pressed a chaste kiss on his cool cheek. As she did an image of her and a boy at the park during the fall, the boy looked similar to Hanlon, was leaning down and kissing her cheek instead. As soon has her lips pulled away from Hanlon's cheek, the image left too, and she was half tempted to kiss him again to see if the image came back, but didn't. Instead she smiled at Lt. Hanlon as he closed the door of the taxi and gave him a small wave as it pulled away from the curb, leaving the fireman in the dim light of the sidewalk.

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait on the update. This was a hard chapter to write and lots of things have been going on which take precedent over my hobby. **

*** Zammar **(Hebrew for musician or singer)

** 'ishshah (Hebrew for wife)

*** bubbala (Hebrew for darling).


	14. A Board Review

"Dude, take cover! Abrams has like Professor X powers! Wheels always know where we are!" Hanlon groaned as he heard the voice over his headset as his avatar exploded from a thrown grenade and the groan from his teammate.

"Hahahaha, nailed you Hanlon. Even though my mind is not that of Professor X, I do like to be believe I am one with the force like Obi Wan. Anyway Puck, you're just jealous that you have yet to beat me on this level, that's all. I _am_ the master, yo." A string of f-bombs flew through his headset as Puck's answer for Artie as Artie piped up again, "Is Hanlon your first name or a nickname like Puck?"

"Nope just go by my last name. In my family we all have similar or even the same names so we go by different things, for me, it's Hanlon, unless you're family. And since none of you have ever changed my diaper, I'm Hanlon to you."

Puck chimed in with his two cents, "Hey we definitely are bros then, I go by my last name too, Puckerman. I hate my first name, Noah. Gah! The only person that ever calls me that _besides _my mom is the resident Jewish Princess from high school that went to my synagogue. She declared that Noah was a perfectly good Jewish name and I should go by it. And that is all she would ever call me unless I really pissed her off and she would say, "Shut it Puckerman!" I loved getting her panties in a twist. Besides Noah's a pansy's name."

"Yep, I gotta agree with you Puck, Noah just doesn't have the same level of badassness as the name Puck does, but this is coming from someone named Artie Abrams so whatev."

Hanlon couldn't help but laugh at the conversation until he noticed the time.

"Shit, I gotta go guys. I have a meeting in an hour. I'll catch you later since I'm off today." Hanlon threw his Xbox controller at the empty chair on the other side of his living room as he ripped off this mic and headset. He had been playing MW3 with a guy named Puck since it was his day off. He had met Puck on one of the chat areas of the game, and they had hit it off immediately. Now the two would play against each other or team up against some of Puck's friends having marathon sessions on Hanlon's days off. Hanlon quickly become friends with Puck's friends Artie, Mike and Sam whom he now regularly played against.

Through the guys talking and joking, he learned that they were all from Lima, Ohio and had gone to McKinley High School together. Artie was a senior at McKinley but had been accepted as a freshman at Northwestern University to earn a degree in Fine Arts with hopes of going to get a Masters in directing. While Sam was also a senior and was just trying to figure out what he wanted to do besides impersonations. Hanlon was excited to learn that Mike went to the Joffrey Ballet Academy of Dance in Chicago since he could talk about all the great spots in Chicago. Puck was going to a community college and hoping to get on the local police force, which the other three always laughed at, obviously an inside joke that Hanlon would just roll his eyes at. Even though they were younger than he was, he enjoyed talking to them. He was more comfortable talking to these guys then he was with most of the guys in the firehouse. It was like he'd known them since they were kids, which was strange since they were perfect strangers yet very familiar to him. Nothing they did or said surprised him.

He knew that Puck had to make crude remarks about a girl or the size of his arms. He'd even given a tutorial on how to get into a girl's pants one night. Hanlon just shook his head at that one. He could almost predict the song that Artie would start to rap whenever he made a kill or win a level, and that Mike would stay relatively quiet and let his playing talk for him. Part of him knew that this was strange, but he was so comfortable talking and joking with these guys that he had never met. It was like they were the friends he was supposed to have, but didn't.

Hanlon stood up and stretched, twisting his back until he felt the relieving pop in his lower back before glancing at his watch and sighing deeply. He had to yet again go before the medical board to see if he could be put back on active status. His suspension was finally over, now he just needed the medical evaluation board to okay him to go back on the truck. It was driving him insane just being a desk jockey, plus it didn't help that Thompson kept rubbing Hanlon's suspension in his face. Thompson just had a fork up his ass because he didn't get what he wanted, and so he took it out on Hanlon, and Hanlon just took it. It wasn't worth the fight.

Hanlon shrugged on his leather jacket and grabbed a baseball hat as he headed out the door, leaving his cane behind. He hadn't needed it for a week, his balance and equilibrium finally restored. He now could walk without the assistance of a cane or looking like a drunken Irishman, tripping and stumbling over his own feet. He hurried down the street to catch the bus, since he still hadn't replaced his car since the accident, and he wasn't sure if he was going to now. After the twenty minute noisy bus ride where he observed a little boy pick his nose, a man trying to look down the blouse of a rather large busted woman and a little girl that was making spit pictures on the window while her mother was on her phone, he was reconsidering the idea of buying a car again. Hanlon was glad when he saw his stop finally come up and he hurried off the bus, wishing he had some of Rachel's hand sanitizer that she was always squirting on both his and her hands after they talked to customers at Zammars saying, "Neither of us can afford to get sick, me for my immense talent that could be harmed by a bad case of strep and for you, you can't save people if your home sick in bed. It would be a disservice for the world not to hear my voice, as well as for you to save the people of New York." As crazy as she sounded with her logic, right now he really wished she was there with her lavender scented sanitizer no matter how feminine he would smell.

As he got closer to the FDNY headquarters, Hanlon stopped cold in the middle of the bustling sidewalk, because there was_ no_ way she would be here. He hadn't said anything about this review and it wasn't posted anywhere. He scratched the back of his neck in wonder as he kept staring at the brilliant white beret contrasting against the dark brown curls underneath. It took a granny with a walker barreling into him and snarling, "Move ya sasquatch!" to snap him out of his trance. A quick glance at his watch showed that he had about ten minutes before he needed to be in the conference room so he jogged over to her, and looked down at her while she was engrossed with her iPod, bright pink wires emerging from ears. A quick tap on her shoulder caused her brown eyes to look up directly into his green ones, a smile on her lips as soon as she saw it was him.

Without a thought he pulled the plugs gently from her ears as he said, "Hi Rach. What are you doing here? Does the Chief want a private performance or something?"

Hanlon liked Rachel, she was sweet, compassionate, loyal, determined and intense; a rather odd combination, but one that he became fond of. He looked forward to whatever story and ideas Rachel would tell him at the music store, and right now he wondered what reason he would hear for her standing outside FDNY headquarters.

Instead of a snarky retort he was caught off-guard with, "What's your first name?"

"What!?"

She tapped his chest as she talked, "What's. Your. First. Name. I know your last name is Hanlon and that you're a Lieutenant, but I don't like calling people by their last name unless it's out of respect, like to a teacher or an adult I just met. I think of you as a friend, a good friend, and I want to call you by your first name." He watched as she bit her lip and tucked loose strands of her hair into her beret as she stood up straighter and stared up at him as she waited for his response.

"My initials are C.F., but unless you're my immediate family, I go by Hanlon. I don't go by my first name, never have, never will. It's just who I am Rachel. My first name is off limits. I am happy hearing my name come from your lips though," as soon as those words left his mouth, he felt a blush creep up his cheeks. He'd never been so forward and flirty with Rachel before or any female really. The female persuasion scared him and in turn his large, loud family scared them.

A look of determination gleamed in her eyes as she stared into his green eyes as she poked his chest again with her pointer finger, "I'm going to get your first name out of you. You just wait and see. I have my ways. Besides I am a little bit psychic and can be very persuasive. If I can call Noah by his first name, despite all of his insults and grumbling than, I can do it with you too," the name Noah reminded him of the conversation he had that morning with Puck and Artie, which was odd, "But that isn't important, what is important is that I came here to give you my support since you're going in front of that board, and what if they say you can't be a fireman anymore, or they say you have to stay on desk duty or worse, they say you have _no_ talent!" Hanlon outright laughed at Rachel's single breath rant, not to be mean, but the absurdity of what she was saying was hilarious, but he saw immediately he had offended her when she looked down at the sidewalk, her bottom lip being worried between her teeth. For a nano-second, Hanlon had the urge to lean down and pull Rachel's bottom lip out from her teeth with his lips, and kiss her softly.

That simple want made him take a step back from Rachel rather abruptly, like he had been burned, but quickly recovered and smiled at her, "Thanks Rachel. I'll be fine, but thanks for coming and supporting me. Would you like to come in and sit while my review goes on?" He couldn't hide his smile as she shyly nodded her head, because one thing he had learned quickly is that Rachel Berry was anything but shy, but he took her hand and felt instant warmth spread throughout him as soon as they touched. He led her up to the second floor and offered her one of the upholstered chairs that had the department emblem embroidered into it. He sat on the arm of the chair next to Rachel, bouncing his leg in nervousness as he waited. He hated waiting. He kept bouncing his leg faster until he felt her small hand on his knee, making him still instantly.

Her voice was soft but very reassuring to him, "Everything will be fine. You're walking without a cane, and have excellent balance if your jumping up and down off of the chair at the music store fifty times is any indication. You served your suspension that you didn't deserve, and you're a model fireman. They would be complete fools not to okay you, and if they don't my two gay dads will get ahold of the ACLU for you and we'll fight this."

At the words, "We'll fight this," Hanlon felt dizzy, his head swimming suddenly. He gripped the chair to keep from falling forward, his knuckles turning white, but just as quickly the dizziness left him, scaring him. He saw Rachel staring at him in concern, but before either one could say anything, he heard the door open and one of the board members called for him. Before he could do anything, he felt soft lips on his cheek and a breathy, "Good luck" as he stood up. He gave Rachel an unsure smile and walked towards the doors.

Rachel watched as Hanlon gave her his signature smirk the color he had suddenly lost quickly returning to his face as he got up and walked towards the man waiting for him at the door. Her eyes didn't leave him until the large mahogany door closed deftly behind him, and then she let the nerves she had been keeping at bay take over. She had never been nervous for someone else, but she was for Hanlon. His whole career depended on this evaluation. Her legs shook and her stomach twisted in knots in a sickening way as her heart seemed to speed up. This was worse than the first time she ever took the stage by herself; worse than her first NYADA audition where she choked.

She wasn't sure what had pulled her towards FDNY headquarters earlier that day, but when she had overheard Malachi talking about Hanlon's medical review to a customer the day before, she just knew she was supposed to be at it. She had even given a lame excuse of a twisted ankle to Cassandra July on why she couldn't make it to dance class that day. Even though she was still struggling in class and dealing with the nasty barbs from the drunken witch, the allure of her firefighter was too strong. She_ needed_ to be there for him, even if it was to just sit outside and wait, which she was awful at. She had no patience.

So she sat and fidgeted with her IPod in the lobby, her eyes moving towards the door whenever she heard a noise, with the hope that it would open, while listening to The Calling's _Wherever You Will Go_, over and over again. She finally closed her eyes as she let the song wash over her, memories surfacing of the Halloween dance at McKinley and her in her Ava Gardner outfit and a Batman, with warm whiskey eyes and a rough voice singing the song on stage. He was singing the song directly to her. She could feel his lips on hers, soft and cool as they kissed and moved to suck on her pulse point, leaving a mark. She felt his cool hands and lips all over her, feeling, tasting, exploring her. Her brow wrinkled in confusion as she tried to remember this moment. It felt so real to her, but knew she had spent the entire dance with Jesse in his Phantom costume and had lost her virginity to him that night, but this dream felt so real and right.

As she lost herself to the dream, a cool hand covered hers causing Rachel's eyes to fly open in shock only to be greeted by the same warm whiskey eyes from her memories, and then quickly replaced by the greenish amber ones of Hanlon. Straightening herself in the chair, she smiled as her firefighter lowered himself into the chair across from her, a smile on his face. "So, how did it go? Hopefully good since I see a smile on your face," _showing off your killer Irish dimples_ she wanted to add.

"Aye. I am now fully reinstated. I have no more restrictions and can go back to fighting fires. I'm on "probation for two weeks since I never got to learn all the alarm training before my accident, so after that, I'm back to being a regular firefighter." Rachel couldn't help but smile as she heard Hanlon's accent become thicker, the more talked about his reinstatement. She could tell he was thrilled.

Standing up, Rachel pulled Hanlon up into a hug; Rachel pulled back and looked him in the face, "We need to celebrate. This calls for a wonderful dinner! Let's walk and talk. We need to figure out where to go!" Rachel grabbed Hanlon's large hand and started down the stairs and out the door, relishing the feel of his cool hand in hers as she contemplated places to dine. "Do you like Italian? I know of this Italian restaurant in your neighborhood that is exquisite. My fathers took me there when they came to visit. I know you're Irish and all, but you do like Italian, don't you?"

His warm chuckle eased her nervousness as he responded while he hailed a cab, "Yea Rach. I love Italian. I am American, you know, and grew up eating more than just Irish family food. Italian sounds good."

"So chivalrous," Rachel murmured as Hanlon opened the cab door and put his hand on the small of her back and guided her into the cab, the hand on her back sent a shiver through her, despite the layers of a wool coat, sweater and shirt between his skin and hers. She watched as Hanlon ran around to the driver's side and slid into the back seat with her and waited along with the cab driver. "What are you waiting for?"

"Where are you going miss?"

"Oh. Oh yea. Maialino, on Lexington Avenue please." Rachel settled back into the vinyl seat as the driver punched in the restaurant and address into his GPS and smoothly moved into traffic. The cab was a little chilly and Rachel tightened her coat and scarf around her for warmth when she felt a strong arm pull her towards the center.

She looked up and saw a shy smile on Hanlon's face as he pulled her closer to him, "Help keep you warm," was all he said, but she wasn't about to complain. She just snuggled against him and despite his cool touch; she warmed up with his arm around her. Neither one spoke during the twenty minute cab drive. When they pulled up to the restaurant, it was only four o'clock, which hopefully meant a light crowd inside. She watched Hanlon pay and thank the cab driver and come around and grab her hand and walked with her inside the restaurant, again holding the door open.

As Hanlon led her inside, his hand never leaving the small of her back, Rachel could feel her smile grow, wondering what the evening held for the two of them.

**A/N: I can't give much of an excuse for such a long wait in updates except that my life has happened and it's been rather difficult. It still is so don't expect another update very quickly. I thank you for continuing to read and review this story. **


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